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of all the places for a dust spore (mote?) to be when the camera flash hits.

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flying to montreal tomorrow!

two nights at the W and vip open bar at bains douches (amazing name) for new years eve. i have never gone away for NYE. we are all stoked. i am totally under-packing this time not going to blow it. looking forward to my own suite. i don’t really know anyone in montreal so if you know any cool people who want to baby me, point them in my general direction thank you. i know drunken stepfather but he’s a scumbag hahah and i also know my ex boyfriend, who is also a scumbag, so, perfect. big pre-thanks to INQ MOBILE for making this all go down. it is going to be refuckingdiculous. excited to meet the contest winners and play walkie talkies with them and all our gay red phones. so fun. this is the winner:

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and this is the french blogger who is also going to be on deck showing us how it’s done posh french style. uh maybe i should dust off my french dictionary. meh. i am pumped for the shopping spree at style exchange i am GENEROUSLY sharing with my party ambassadors melucas, stewart and maaaaaaaybe casie too if she’s lucky heheh. i may as well bring an empty suitcase. stewart and casie are sharing a room so it’s stewart and (casie)stewart. cute. already did my nails. tonight it’s an early sushi dinner then last minute obsessively staring into my empty suitcase and selecting which underwear to bring. i swear i always pack 300 pairs and they take up all my space. i’m being ruthless and cut throat this time no more hoarding or packratting or bringing unnecessary “needs” i won’t even touch. making a pit stop en route to lunch tomorrow to pick up another camera, thanks alen!

laundry folding time one of my favourite past times. seriously. do you think i am insane if i squeeze in another work out tomorrow morning? i am addicted. i’m on the new fliers too.

tell all of your friends goodbye from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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hello and welcome to the catch-up.

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i can’t clean my head out until i get out all my photos no matter how socially irrelevant or half a week old. i have issues.

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the bender began last week, the exact moment was when casie declared she was on one til new years. in the back of my head i was thinking uh oh, now she’s done it. maybe my new year’s resolution will be giving up drinking. profusely.

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need to stock burlington massive with bottles of hot sauce, jerk, mados, everything. i have so many needs, so many cosmic needs to fulfill and satiate there is only so much weed you can smoke or wine you can drink, sometimes you just gotta see through time.

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i’m in that resigned state presently, where i don’t care, where i care too much, and where i have given up caring, or trying to change things. or want things. expect things. anymore. what can i do more than i am already doing? i don’t know.

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someone said i am the biggest cunt on the internet, if not, the universe and they ended that sentence with a smiley face emoticon.

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Dear Raymi

Kim

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the lemon and the salt was unnecessary. i drink my tequila like a true mexican, according to an artist i saw once. how does a mexican do a shot of tequila? then she threw the lemon onto the floor with gusto and pounded the shot. i mistook this glass of milagro, wait, not milagro it’s the orange bottle sister to the blue one whatever that is, but anyway after all the hot sauce i was putting back i mistook this glass for my little tumbler of water. whoops. made no difference i lost all sense of taste by that point.

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this isn’t a review so i’m not contractually bound to tell you what the hell this is i will tell you though that it came out on fire and i asked if we ate the fire because i am a smart person like that.

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melodie and i always have a synchronicity going. actually i try and co-ordinate outfits with every girl i hang out with. i always have photos in mind.

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mom you are not getting these boots.

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i speed-ate that. i am a pig.

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oh hi matthew. doesn’t take long for the chef to be lured out to me, by me, for me. me.

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mmm mmm mmmm.

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oh hell yes.

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i kept accusing that of being whole milk. i think i got shrill about it. was it?

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may as well of been a martini based on how fast i put it away.

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i look like crap.

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hello boyfriend.

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totally boring outfit. boring picture.

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followed by a snoozer replete with blinking. obviously i am scoping out my skinny progress. saving the shirt raised abs-revealing ones for my reference library.

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still not finished. cheese boutique round of dessert.

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spoiled gorgeously.

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darling eh.

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trying to be ladylike.

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talkin’ big game about what my deal is as he turns to mush.

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he’s like is she for real. hell yes.

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everyone loves the rich girl headband.

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gotta go, places to be.

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alright fine one more. why not.

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tickle trunk room party. where it always ends up and why my room is constantly trashed. they said they’d help me this time. i wonder what shape my room will be in when i get home to it in a couple hours. a trashed bedroom museum that’s colder than siberia. lucas put my heater on!

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stayed up pretty late and then i packed for the burbs and here i am now ready to go back again then off again to montreal for new years eve. one day i will look back at this life and be amazed by how much i did in a year. late january will be a year of me living in adventurehouse.

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movies at jean reno’s.

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i am not looking forward to getting up off my ass to collect all my stuff and pack it up for the drive home but i have an afternoon late lunch bohemian date and then an f-ton of catching up to do.

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half of what i wore for my boom party. i like how outfits can evolve throughout the day into more bullshit or more magnificent.

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C U L8R.

+++

Hello Lauren/Raymi,

Lesia

Actually he gave me a cigarette (a silk cut) I smoked it and saved the butt for you. Awesome memory keepsake! Wow just opened the attachment! Holy crap what year was this? (i think i was in grade ten). CRINGE. this is a quote i stole from prozac nation, likely. i’ve met all of travis again since then and told them this story backstage. have photos too, in blog archives.

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LAST DAY TO VOTE please keep doing that. fyi the award i covet most is the lifetime achievement, it’s not vote-based though. that one’s decided by a panel of judges. i still want this one too. thank you. now continue reading your favourite blog that never sleeps. hi!

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christmas holidaze vortex. cancelled training session today. too bagged to push myself back in to it just yet, wanna stretch out the lazy sloth as much as i can and haven’t spent enough down alone time i feel. i’ll go back to the city tomorrow. after this i’m hitting the exercise bike downstairs then the tub then the port. thanks for forgetting that here melucas. it’s been a whirlwind holiday and i’m loving every bit of it. this year’s theme is taking in orphans, why not. we’re all misfits. dad just did a wine run. i told him bring me back something really really nice and expensive and full. i’ll keep you posted on how that turned out.

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my brother took a funny picture of my dad and i laughed so hard i cried. he takes photos like that of my mom too, from below, as we’re talking or making angry face. i can’t breathe it makes me laugh so much.

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they dropped in from their folks right smack dab into the climax of our party cheer. some catching up was to be done.

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melodie likes this one.

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we played the compliment game. lucas buttered my aunt right up, said she was pretty and idealistic and some other ass kissing word. they love her.

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and his beer fountained all over the table.

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amazing ratatouille exactly like the movie. they printed the recipe in the paper. my aunt is clever. the stuffing was super good too. light. i have lost weight this christmas.

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my aunt pointed out that my shirt was actually leopard print. i’m so blind. there is no leopard with a green coat, which threw me off into thinking it was army camo. love the combo even more now.

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mom that present is for you, it’s for nana. the container itself is part of the gift too alison said.

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alison i have almost devoured this entire box.

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been a bit of a shit show. i didn’t make it to the liquor store in time so it was like labour day weekend drinkfest, mixing everything under the sun.

bike time. check ya later.

i have a massive headache.

two coffees.

one venti starbuck’s americano.

handful of guylian and herbie.

i need a new toothbrush.

BEFORE PROCEEDING FURTHER PLEASE VOTE FOR ME THANK YOU haters are voting against me for this chick who, i’m sorry, is a terrible lazy blogger who has no right to go toe-to-toe with me. doesn’t rank on alexa. hasn’t updated her blog ONCE since the contest began. pfft better blogger? yeah i know it’s people’s choice, whatever. if she wins it proves my haters outnumber her actual readers. what her blog stats are from the beginning of her blog is only a minor fraction of hits that i get in ONE DAY. when this began her blog statcounter read just over 1000. 1000? cumulative hits? i get double quadruple that in a day. how is it that you a-holes aren’t voting for me then?

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great great christmas.

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welcome to the other side i guess.

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i have this other life i don’t wildly share with the internet. it’s not a consistent other life but it is still tangibly there and i let worlds collide last nite. adventurehouse, i am their new addition. we made aventurehouse together. in reality television world, big brother to be exact, they said people have short memories in reality shows, who dogs whom, backstabs. adventurehouse knows me only from day one of moving in. you don’t realize or see the baggage ever until you are physically plunked in to it that i actually had an entire life, half a decade of a world prior to my parkdale mansion roommate date machine world.

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they’re very protective of me and used to the revolving door turnstile of dates so they don’t know who, like weed, is kind or not. actually a friend. so they give me advice i didn’t ask for or protection that’s not required, i love it, it’s great. it was just funny to let them see me operate on my own bubble world turf. i wanted them to experience suburban raymi world lifestyles.

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they don’t even know the amount of gossip and drama that’s going to surmount in me blogging these harmless christmas cheer good time loving photos. this post is a work in progress so keep refreshing for more. we’re drinking port and having pizza at my dad’s now me and lucas, mel and my pa are watching tv down by the fire. happy boxing day.

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so happy to have these folks.

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melodie and i have the craziest bond. it’s like, she and lucas would kill for me, or we would kill each other, but we would much rather kill others. once in awhile we have to put each other in check. but then i just disappear for a bit and we reconvene and it’s love and honour all over again. she likes when i lip her cos she’s supreme alpha. when i get a good zing in i follow it up with another barb and we collapse in laughter. friendships are work. female friendships most of all. what i love about us is we deal with our problems as they arise and don’t build up resentment too much. it’s like yeah i’m pissed and here’s why and the other is oh really? well fuck you now here’s why! done and done. we keep it punk. on the level.

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back to work out land tomorrow.

ps it’s growing. it’s grown. MAGIC!

just wait til later. also might i add that if you pay attention you can hear how my brother pronounces my name. how it is pronounced. eat shit haters.

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the most magical thing to happen to me. before midnight the magic stuff is to of happened. CANNOT WAIT.

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the spirit and tradition of christmas is to be bombed by dinner. check.

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well there’s no boyfriend under the tree so i guess santa kinda blew it. it’s ok, i’ve broken a couple of hearts this past week so everything’s right in the world.

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the holiday music playing throughout the house right now makes me feel like i’m in a shopping mall. i’m still at the dining room table waiting for this uber festive video of me singing enter sandman at wrong bar during the fubar party OMG DAD STOP TINKLING CUTLERY I AM GOING TO SET YOU ON FIREEEEE. haha he just said pretend i’m at boom in the kitchen or something and get over it.

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not to be a fag or anything but i am a total fag for these.

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gave one to my bro’s gf. FINE. i stretched it out too much anyway and i think 8 is enough for me. i want to turn everyone around me into me.

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papa goes to visit my nana every night at the hospital. they are adorable. he plays snooker all he wants with his boys, enjoys his wine, living the bachelor dream, no nagging or bitching but still every night he goes to the hospital to send her to bed. precious.

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my bow contribution. i am so creative. nana says auntie winnie (her sister) reads my blog everyday and thinks i am very creative and talented and a great writer. it’s not until you hear it from someone else do you realize it’s true so now nana thinks i am very successful. FINALLY.

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i dressed up just for her too to protect myself from nanaisms and it worked.

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are you going to a party lauren? yep, yours. just yours nana. she didn’t believe it.

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mom is sweating my boots so bad i was this close to giving in. she will not shut up about it. she called costa blanca at oakville place. newp. i only bought them on a desperate halloween whim for my tracey cougar outfit. i can’t have anything nice that i like without her biting my style or demanding it. we’re like turning into the same person and i don’t even care i’ve already made peace with the fact that i am dying alone.

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you should have seen me in the mall. i got all my shopping done in an hour and a half. chocolates for nana. mom said she’s chowing down on christmas chocolates like crazy and losing weight cos she hates the diet hospital food.

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the hypodermic needle disposal container really amps up the festive what is this family portrait. hospital christmas fuck yeah! letting mom keep my headband.

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family’s pride and joy my niece. mom tried to get in my head about that dress and hailey now being too cool for it. she’s in that cool stage you have to tread carefully. tons of attitude and lip and eye rolling. my brother and i dosed it out (and still do) copiously so can’t really be surprised. it stops us in our tracks a bit though. i can at least be rest assured that she’s not my daughter so i just sit back and enjoy the ‘tude in all its splendid glory all the while dressing her up exactly like me. she says she copies me but doesn’t mean to, it just happens, said it wicked defensively too. yep, totally my relation.

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nana is the orig no.01 diva in our family. she’s little but man, so feisty. mom said she has a good arm on her too, when she and mike and kim would lip off and beat it down the hall one of nana’s heels would make contact before they could race up the stairs to safety hahaha FAMILY SECRETS BLOG EDITION BEGINS. she asked if my tattoos come off and i snapped NO NANA! she asked me that when i first got blythe done. oh what about your wedding then? over her shoulder as i was hugging her i mouthed to my mom i doubt you’ll make it til then. oh relax. maybe i should just marry the next retard just for my nana’s sake. i bet she’d like that. she wants me to be with an older man. i told her i’m done with older. spent my entire life turning myself into a trophy for some old bastard and for what? one day i woke up twenty-seven like what the hell happened?

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melucas i think are coming by tonight to holiday rip’er with us.

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laura secord cake.

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merry christmas my internet friends. i like watching christmas happen on the internet (twitter) it’s funny, everyone’s wasted by the time i get out of bed and avoiding their families. twitter is overcapacity. KEEP VOTING PLEEEEEASE my mom’s obsession with it is making me obsessed too it’s like trying to win canadian tired money or something, so unimportant yet important!

here’s my mom’s pics.

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everyone was mad at us for taking so long getting ready and coming over. it’s not my fault you guys started drinking so early. pace yourselves next time or nap that shit off. mom kept us up all night long talking my head off in bed. don’t get crazy moms stoned if you plan on going to bed early, good grief.

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ahahahahaahahahahaa

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dad set aside two wrapping paper tubes i am going to whip my brother in the head the second he gets here cannot WAIT. check my nana’s signature nana lips. FUTURE.

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someone will give her a proper pedicure and file down those nails.

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mom, you are not me. deal with it. told her to pose like that. hehh.

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hi winnie!

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doesn’t my brother look hot with his beard? he looks more brian austin greeny that way. he said i was “trying to do pretty face” while i was posing for a photo. dickhead.

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i am turning into a wax-like statue. i’m getting more fit, you can tell in the face even though in some photos i look like a fucking cow (t-shirt arm cut off and big stupid white dress is to blame) i assure you i have a chiseled mid-section and my hip bones are coming back and i’m getting brad pitt pelvis now i just have to set it all off with a tan and bingo bango back in business.

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my hair is retarded. nana loved it. said i looked like a movie star. i confused every single person we passed in the hospital and grinned at every doctor eyeballing me. ho ho ho.

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like him for example. saw him before he saw me and said to nana now this guy’s in for a treat. flashed my big toothy whites and gwen stefani red lipstick as we wheeled on by. nana loved it she’s the queen sheeba. at 80(ish, younger but we round it up) she still dyes her hair, refuses to give up the glam. so this means i have 60 more years of makeup and hair oh fuck that’s a lot of money.

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little pixie. that size is meant for an 8-9 yr old mom was like no get her 12. no man she’s skinny. fat kids get fat sizes i KNOW i am right here. i should be a professional personal shopper.

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beep beep cunts coming through.

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i look like the muse for some emotionally unstable brooding delusional jobless poet. AIMING HIGH. it’s all in the nose.

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gave hailey this headband. she is so spoiled. i’m giving her my phone when i’m done with it too. hmm what did i have at twelve? zits, depression, greasy hair, foul attitude, NO COMPUTER. i actually used a typewriter in grade 7 for my projects and i typed on thick green stock and if i got one typo i was such a perfectionist i’d retype it all over again i didn’t care for the typewriting erase function it was too stampy. i watched casino from the dining room while typing up my forbidden city book report. TWICE. that movie is long. by like 1am i looked like courtney love.

for all the loners on this day, thinking of you. don’t worry, there’s always vices to turn to. my aunt is on the way with the turkey. dad’s on beer one. stay tuned for live christmas blog updates. i think i might assault the exercise bike a bit before getting dressed. actually no i won’t feeling lazy. dad’s on beer two. i’m going to brush my teeth i’m still in pajamas and alice cooper mascara.

LOVE YOU ALL!

+++

is my pretending to care about christmas showing?

Your title cracked me up so I thought I’d send you this. Merry
Christmas & enjoy that Boxing Day thing, too.

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it’s so weird to see all these people walking by the house. christmas walking. shouldn’t you be fighting in your livingrooms right now?