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the evening began innocently enough, well not really. i sent this photo to the teacher on my way out. it was a good idea. girls, this is how you squirrel your way into your dude’s cerebral cortex and bury nuts there, nuts made of 95% pink silk, wait, aren’t they already silky enough to begin with? steering away from the double entendre now. anyway, one of my jams is to ply a guy with snaps of times we’ve spent together. instead of texting the morning after when you’re drunk still, something you might regret, just send a photo, it will say enough. if it’s a photo he saw you take of your brunch together or an eccentric sign, anything you-him-date centric, send it.

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my hair is getting longer. likey like. i have it in a braid now. coming to america rat tail styles. it will be my new thing for the next little while.

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if i had or used photoshop i would buff this right out like xiaxue does though, to see the grain or texture of my twenty eight year old face, it’s not so bad, i’m not looking so bad? i compare myself to other girls who are aging along with me (we all do it), a year my junior, girls who have laugh lines, who have had laugh lines since they were 21, i’ve studied them in the scene over time in toronto, can’t help it, but anyway, all that non-smiling has paid off for me, and never tanning my face. i am noticing more eye crinkles though when i smile, though i think it’s cos i lost weight all my face definition is being revealed which makes sense, if it happens on your body then it too happens on your face.

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i can’t wait to have long curly goldilocks. i chose to go necklaceless last night to be simpler, less is more sometimes when you’re feeling that way. wearing a loud red dress is like 4 necklaces.

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too dark but for some reason lately i have been interested more so in my lips. you are benefiting from this minor interest spike. you can be an asshole with a big mouth as long as it’s pretty.

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asked these chicks for a photo pose, they loved it. the one i’m holding got right into it and prepped her wardrobe. man i could be big in japan i need to go there, how’re they holding up right meow anyway? anyway. yes i know how repulsive and insincere that just came across. haha anyway back to queen street west, i know right? this girl got an extra squeeze out of me cos she goes i love your hair and then she cooed at it and whispered blond in this dreamy airy voice.

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i very much stood out here and then became drunk instantly. this is mavrik, (they’re beside czehoski) and it was their soft launch last night, little miss in-the-know was invited for a snoop, their actual opening is today. they’re a wine bar. czehoski is pumped cos they’ll handle the spill over or waiting period for a spot over there and i am a big fan of plunking a wine bar so central in the city. elizabeth (one of the owners) was in finance in new york and dealt with the stress of her career in wine bars, so she decided to make her own and got her friend joanne on board. i love this back story, i love it when people stumble upon their venture accidentally. i picture elizabeth over decanting pinot being like I AM SICK OF CRUNCHING NUMBERS and then a lightbulb explodes over the wine fridge. cannot wait to go back and have some royal treatment, fingers crossed. i got in before all the media. good thing i dressed the part, having my colleague in-tow with the camera and my hair and the dress i was like oh damn now i’ve done it, time to go celebrity, lets work this. i posed for photos outside in front of 5 dirtbags with dog fighting type dogs (so trash) and didn’t look at them once while they raped me with their eyes. they thanked my colleague for that when we were finished. part of me wanted to go loco on them like you are thanking the wrong fucking person. i have a thing with photographers taking credit for MY art. it was a long ordeal betwixt my ex and i, if you get me started we will have to do an entire other post about it so i am stopping now.

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see how i am a chameleon? hair up, speaking of mavrick shades (topgun). this is why when i see someone i recognize that i haven’t seen in years i always point to my chest and go it’s me, raymi? because i know i’ve had 4 different looks since whoever it is saw me last. sometimes they’re like, DUH i know who you are. i have terrible people recall with some. the worst is re-inroducing friends of mine who have met and partied for YEARS. like i think the world and time stops when i go away, these people are LOST without me! i must guide them, guide their friendships in the dark! they’re like shut the fuck up and go away raymi we got this, duke and i saw each other at unlovable last week ok. haha it is i who is the one that’s actually in the dark here.

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i googled hello kitty swarovski yesterday. there is a BOW necklace. I NEED IT MORE THAN A PRISONER NEEDS WATER!

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colleague did the majority of the hack attacking, i stepped in for the photo credit like a politician chopping down a pre-chopped ready to timber evergreen. i think it would be really easy to be a politician, like, they are the worst acting liars ever, they make shit loads of cash, riddled with skeletons in their closets, i don’t have any sex videos that i am aware of leaked yet but i’m sure if that happened it would only further my career. a competitor of mine and i discuss this, if hers came out before mine then i had one out, then i’d be like second fiddle. however if i beat her to it then i have a f–ing sex video out? then we have this amazing blog post to reference. i can still remember the time when a sex tape was a big deal now it’s like, wow genitals, yawn.

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behind the scenes action wow raymi tell us what it’s like living the glamorous blog reality dream life? yesterday at mavrik, elizabeth kept congratulating me on all my blog success and i was like aha yeah thanks (forced grin keeping it together stressed out of my mind) it dawns on me more and more that, this persona i have, that i propagate, i’m supposed to carry it into the real world as well, keep the dazzle and the sparkle, be on. people don’t want to see or know the behind the scenes wear and tear, they want the escape and illusion and fantasy fairy tale. they don’t like to hear you ending an engagement. there is a disconnect i’ve come across, for example, on a date i was regurgitating all this fake princessy bullshit that i sell to you guys here (girls) that we all love and soap opera our way through my blog posts daily, but this guy wasn’t getting that i was being jokey about it, my arms were covered up and down with swarovski bracelets, i looked harajuku barbie playmate-ish and i said re: my jewels that i “needed” more. he thought i meant it, he thought that this fake person was my real person and i was embarrassed. i had carried it so fucking far that i couldn’t detect the difference between my jokes and reality.

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when you see healthy stuff laid out like that it’s like why not live this lifestyle? why would i want to felate a big mac? mmmmm. i’m still gonna be a good girl, right now i’m having low cal broccoli soup with real parmesan by v8. yum. i’m going to share some with the cat. update: she’s not into the soup.

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traffic has been brutal lately eh.

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more traffic more photos.

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i am also obsessed with my teeth.

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and every line beneath my eyes. if i had done my makeup properly there’d be less crap taking up residence in my eye crevices here. i was low energy tired this day.

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whiskervision. you can see some stache too. i promise i’ll do a stache shave tutorial video for you to make fun of and learn from. no shame all fame. blog title!

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teacher met me at metro because he knew i was out walking around looking like this and metro in liberty village is ground zero meat market and i am a good cut i can’t even walk to the car without tripping all over myself from all the double takes i get and check outs i’m sorry i have to keep talking about it but it fascinates me because i am a gargoyle living in this malibu barbie vessel and cos i compulsively look everyone in the eye right back, that’s a lot of eye contact. it stresses me out and pulls me to it. even girls do it, they get the nod though. men get nothing but stone face. aren’t we all glad i blog? can i get a thank you today please jesus christ misses omfg i have to register which takes an extra four seconds from sitting on my ass more stalking facebook and raymi’s blog meanwhile she’s on word count 1584 and i can’t be bothered to give her a high five because i am selfish and lazy.

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you know i found out an old friend (i considered her one) read my blog still by her contacting the teacher via ok cupid about it. this chick latched on to my ex fiance too. i’ll blog our back and forths later on if i’m bored. this is why i will never link his twitter or anything because of stupid fucking girls taking liberties like this like we’re all one giant family. just because someone is accessible to you doesn’t mean you should write to them. so revealing. she’s like i’ve enjoyed your exploits on raymi’s blog. creepy and seedy. our present status is complicated which is evident from my blog. i haven’t heard from her in two years. took me awhile to figure out her name, thank you gmail! i drunk FB’d her wall too and the last message i sent said:

Allow me to be psychotically clear – it should have been apparent that the teacher is my property I don’t care if u see him in p0rnos, breaking the fourth wall and contacting him is revealing as there is no bloody point to it, you can’t have him. I know it was a one liner and I don’t care as much as it seems I’m just with reason a little alert for these little things is all nothing personal sorry for fbing your wall I was drunk and you set me off

i have too many single white females who already stalk all my ex boyfriends and copy all my outfits while doing so and writing on their faces i love raymi in hot pink lipstick while jerking off to my photos and pretending to be me and shit so excuse my sensitivity when it comes to loved ones.

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how the rat tail got invented last night.

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how my underwear got me presents last night.

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sigh. my first dangly earrings. REGRESS!

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get mistress raymi gifts, this is so the movie the muse hahaha. i sent teacher a link to an etsy shop of these blue tiffany style cupcake earrings and nothing else. they’re only $15. we are in the liking each other again stage, well, more like, yeah, his date with a 22 year old at reposado (ick) earlier this week put things in perspective for me a little, and him. he quit smoking, is on the patch, day 8 or 9? my stalin style of bossing him around works for us.

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hahaha dork.

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i’d only wear this dress on skinny days, skinny zero bloat or cramping days, i waited so long the thing doesn’t fit me at all, is too big, which is an achievement i am happy about. yeah no i totally wish i was fatter so my dress would fit right. pfft. the shoulders always buckled too much.

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the act is what counts to me not what the gift is (though i reminded him that i was after a new simple girly necklace hahaha) and to know that he is trainable and that he knows he landed on a treasure (me) it’s nice to be spoiled, i had forgotten what it was like. i spoil myself so much it’s nice to have a break and let someone else take over and not be so hyper bitchy all the time and on edge perfectionist control freak. i am apprehensive to give in, why, so i keep myself open for other queen west hotties who will never fucking speak to me and then it’s winter again? cool story toronto.

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i’m kinda bombed here from dinner. primed. lol.

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i look like minnie mouse. it’s a bit garish but the pink saves it. he’ll learn. maybe they’ll let me exchange it.

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the girl was like, is it her birthday? he goes no, it’s thursday. the girl sighed enviously. FINALLY. valentine’s day came late for me this year. then he got the earrings. he said the girl wanted to hate me but then gave in. he retold this scenario 5 times very proud of himself. i’m not going to knock it cos i want to continue getting presents hahahahehehe.

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i walked in here once with cheryl, their name is correct, because you think you’re walking into more than just a jewellery store. you have to be buzzed in, it’s in parkdale i mean, come on. so they buzzed us in even though we were dressed like goth tramp (her)(hahahaahhahahaha) and LES scenester (me obvi.) and i knew that it was a special holy right, jewellery world, a serious world i was not ready for yet (i was 19) and even though i was making a lot of money at the time (being a virtual plaything) i still felt unworthy of jewellery. i had an abusive drug dealer bf at the time so that was part of it. having this box in my hands yesterday moved me, i didn’t tell him why it was so touching. i am so far away from who and what i was nine years ago, that scary dangerous place, i am proud of myself, its like i went back to that pretty woman moment in that boutique and bought that girl a ring, who should have had one bought for her back then but she didn’t know that she deserved one. dudes i am bawling right now ahahah wow hormonal!

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loved this and loved dinner last night with colleague and jeanette. it was amusing to give her a sample of raymbo’s world. see how hard it is not to succumb to temptation?

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chocolate ricotta cake? i mean, come on. i had the teeniest bit and let her take the majority home with.

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lora kirk will be at CB on sunday do not miss her. here she is showing my colleague what she plans to make, i saw it too. mini macaroni (as the bun) hamburgers! if you go to cheese boutique this sunday to get your mother’s day crap you can sample that while you shop. the festival of chefs is upon us again, it’s festival season oh yeah and chef lora is kicking it off. there’s your lead, foodists.

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check out the other mastermind in the kitchen at ruby, chef lynn crawford. she scared me a little bit, haha no i was just nervous. colleague says she has a show on food network, or had one? looking at the bio on ruby’s site it looks like the owner cherie is the one with food television ties, anyway the point is, tv is important to me. i get starstruck too you know. she followed me in to the bathroom with this camera and was like what are you taking pictures of? i wanted to get the napkins, they have the resto’s logo on them, which i equate to $$, if you are branding top quality paper hand towels, for some reason i feel like that’s important to my audience? to princesses, i like every single detail covered and featured. my food reviews are more than just food, because food has more to it than just food. it says something about the person, where they dine and what they dine. do i ever review garbage fast food chains? never. i would never associate my brand with rubbish. so i appreciate the extra mile in stamping napkins, as chef lynn crawford, eons and light years more famous and talented than i, wipes down the counter surrounding the crate of paper towels, so thick may as well be linen, so that i can photograph them. this woman is a perfectionist, i thought and i see perfectionists as holy sentient beings.

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my colleague was like, you took a picture of towels and not of her? or you and her in the mirror? uhhhh…..shit. i couldn’t even get a shot of myself, the lens and distance from wall to mirror, it wouldn’t focus or take. it would have been embarrassing had i thought to do that so thankfully i kept it cool and retarded and took pictures of napkins like a fucking idiot! IDIOT YOU STUPID STUPID GIRL! haha chris farley interviewing paul mccartney on snl moment.

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lynn inquires, so, are you (you are) that blogger girl? i blushed. but went yeeee-ep. longest yep of my life. i apologized for not ordering the pork shoulder (she specially made me beef tenderloin instead, it’s a set menu, it was taboo of jeanette and i to do that on a set menu, no, it’s insulting is what it is. cuisine world is a bit fascist, you’re a vegetarian oh? fuck you no you’re not you’re having venison is pretty much how it goes) and stammered a bunch of other crap too, that i would have the pork anyway from my colleague’s (ended up not doing that) of which said he would get the kitchen to accommodate my post cleanse diet. coming back from the kitchen i nod and go, so you said hi and mentioned my food thing and did they tell you to go fuck yourself? he’s like, pretty much. kitchen intuition. fuck at this rate i’ll be penning a cooking confidential of my own.

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i love the style of presentation, very family sharesies. the menu changes daily. so fun and fresh. i checked it out online and had the words STEEL HEAD TROUT stamped in my brain.

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my next post will be colleague’s pics. hope the lighting wasn’t too dark.

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cherie (the owner) found this amazing sign in the junction and it became their name. it is such a great piece. it’s obviously from a watch company. i forget that part of the story unfortunately.

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fellinis. delicious. i just looked at the menu and my heart sprung a boner, they have seared beef carpaccio on the menu tonight. omfg. the place will likely be packed. they had the windows open last night, the vibe and atmosphere is so date bar, so special occasion restaurant. it’s in the east end too, a side of town i seldom investigate. queen/broadview it’s right there, you can go to jilly’s afterward. ew. by the way foodies (who hate/love me)(just give in to it already ok, i got you beat, just, i dunno, take it out on your whisking) it’s a big deal that we got in at ruby, they are not all about the internet. they tell the media when they show up not the other way around. nothing like the foodelite.

*if anything i said was incorrect here (sometimes information going through the raymi filtration chambers gets a bit like playing telephone. i don’t take notes. or do duvet covers on comforters.)

TGIF!

i just sat in silence for a very long time writing this it’s like loudness was holding its breath i deserve some music now.

ps. tonight i’m a cheap drunk and it’s melodie’s birthday/going away to paris party at our fourth monthly ADVENTUREHOUSE PARTY @ SALVADOR DARLING TONIGHT!!! come!! 9PM. you are all invited. 1237 queen street west.

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i’m addictive personality incarnate. get me on to something and good luck trying to get me off it. from hello kitty, to sitcoms, making goofy drinks, coffee, chocolate, fitness, blogging, taking pictures, i wrap myself up in that shit like an anaconda coiled around your thigh, it’s not over til one of us is dead.

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so naturally i am a little apprehensive about ending this cleanse/detox/fast. i know it doesn’t have to end but for the sanity of everybody around me, kinda have to does.

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jeanette made us up some shots, pomegranate-based then added all these droplets of things, potent crap. i let her put the most disgusting one on my tongue, it was like swallowing dirty garbage coney island seaweed. hippies are mental right? my pupils instantly dilated once i had it and i saw the crescent arc of a thousand eclipses at once, i saw my spirit and became one with health, and being and light. i could keep going you know, slap this in a pamphlet and drop ‘em off at noah’s, start a bullshit cult ahhaha. ok ok sorry sorry SORRY for the enthusiasm and the sense of humour, GOD! but anyway seriously don;t overdo the drops of magic you might start an ashram or think you can or something but now you are just some 9-5’er having an identity crisis so just go chill on some wheat grass at fresh, kay?

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can’t stop it folks it’s snarky persona day.

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one should sample a bit of everything that life has to offer. you’re an idiot not to. i could never imagine a regimented strict restrictive existence. i already restrict all the time. i’ve been fantasizing about just being fat or trying to figure out how i can eat a lot, forever and more without weight gain or how to curb my cravings and i figured out what i have to cut out and i am kinda mega bummed about it, number one guilty party of munchies, you know who. my thinking medicine, mood neutralizer/stabilizer, connecting to woody harrelson’s plane of thought stuff. it is time.

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taste review: repugnant but i was man enough.

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don’t worry i’ll make up for this fugly one. i was lazy with my hair yesterday. my shitty day is your best, don’t forget that little mean girl raymis.

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here we have a raymlin ™ – if you feed her after midnight she turns into a scary psycho and if you get her wet, she multiplies. that’s how it went, right? hang a sec BRB i have to inside joke burn my brother just hold up.

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shawn look it’s you!

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HAHHAHAH!

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so you ahahahahahh burn!

ok thank you for your patience where were we?

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coconut hack attack time no biggie!

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i was shit at it.

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jeanette said she used this knife (if any nerds out there were going to peanut gallery something stupid about it) because it was sharpest or has a good, angle. we used a butcher knife afterward, for cutting bones you know the big beast kind. i would have preferred to use a machete but you know, that’s just me. next time i will request one.

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raymism: you never know unless you ask.

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jeanette‘s little duder was there puncturing our chat with questions about star wars (he was playing a video game) so it’d be like oh yah, macca is like wicked good for you? oh what’s that? yeah you just need to get to c3po and hang off the ledge as far as you can before jumping that’s why you can’t pass the level, ok so what are the beneficial properties to coconuts?

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highwaisters from AA, feeling them.

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omg fin-all-y i was like you know i’ve only been starving for two weeks WHAT IS THE RUSH JEANETTE!?

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if you wanted to know how big my head was in relation to a coconut, now you know. the bigger the head the bigger the brain. do you like how i talk about how smart i am in every post? one of the first things i said to the teacher was, i am smarter than you, it pissed him off but i was right and have done nothing other than drive my higher-intellect outwittingness point home time and again since day one. yesterday i said do not let me have any chocolate, any more chocolate, i said i was going to do very dirty things to get my way, manipulative dark things and if i prevailed he would be in severe shit. i am trying to keep this post below hemorrhaging so PG-rating so i say no more.

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alright NO MORE F-ing around now.

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i didn’t want to lose a finger. i am your brave fearless leader pay NO attention to that sniveling coward over there.

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see told you, now i have a knife. do not try me. it was self defense officer. ha.

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oh so caj.

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we ate the meat. it’s nice. good fat too. the juice was very subtle.

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coconut juice is pretty much the same compound as human blood, they’ve used it for transfusions because of this, it quickly helps the person to generate more blood essentially. also, coconuts take 9 months to absorb water and whatever to fill up and become ripe. also like humans, hmm, not to go out on a limb or anything here but do you think coconuts are trying to be like us? freaky. back off dudes don’t wanna see yous walkin’ around with arms and legs and chuck taylors on now and shit, shit gives me the creeps.

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not to gross you out but some popped out like a zit at first ew.

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wow kapow shake base!

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i cleansed the kitchen to ward off fat evil vibes. smudging. no comment.

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please be gone!

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jeanette said i could keep it i was like no i would set the house on fire.

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ooh sexy after dark cleanse times.

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getting at the meat for the shake. it wasn’t a sweet coconut. jeanette said she makes chocolate pudding out of coconuts. omfg why would you say that to meeeee.

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massacre.

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trying to get the bits of hair and wood off then i just threw it in my glass of water. way smarter, yeah i’m going to shave it all off? idiot.

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i pre-ate the majority of the strawberries. i am a pig.

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i spy goji berries. mom you keep asking what i was eating. cant you not just see from my blog what i am or am not eating? vegetable broth, fruit, salads, no meat. THE END! no dairy, no nothing. no nuts, no bread. for the first week you can have brown rice, quinoa. no pasta! come on this is no brainer shit here. NO MEAT! avoid citrus fruits. portion control. steam everything if you can manage. lots of tea. no coffee no booze. have fun trying to to murder everyone around you.

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all natural vanilla bean. so good you want to eat it as is. don’t. it’s gross. nowhere near as delectable as it smells.

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maca. magic stuff. gives you a zip.

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anticipaaaaytin’

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at first we were like uuuuuuh but then that gave way to yum! it was so potent jeanette’s son couldn’t have any, potent by vitamin powerfully rich. this is what i like to hear tell me it’s souped up full of crazy and pour it down my throat.

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i only drink from miniature glasses though cos i have an alice in wonderland complex.

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just kidding i like wine glasses too. obvs.

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i’m going to eat liquid food twice a week. oh yeah i’m doing full on weird dieting now.

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to us.

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it was a beautiful early evening sun. i love the eccentric rooftop across the way so much.

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this post sponsored by pentax. lolz. raymi’s first digital camera. it was $960. i forget how many megapixels i’ll get back to you on that. (no i won’t).

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%^$&^$R* ALLERGIES!

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i went KISS in the mascara. MASCARY more like.

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good recover, draw it back. look at how i stand like an arrogant dick. that’s my i think i know everything stance. you know why? it’s because i do.

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raymism: OWN THY SHIT.

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body language at the backyard party says, i dominated this drink like i will dominate you, so step up to the plate why don’tcha. pussy. no just kidding we was havin’ us a lovely chat.

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jeanette has a tiny pinky. hope i didn’t give you a complex.

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ok lets get this show on the road i gotta go watch survivor and before that, cook.

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it’s a wonderful life. stop complaining.

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i look a bit like shit but overall jeanette said i have a glow about me now, i am different. a light has been lit within me, i am newly invigorated and motivated to stay on healthy track. i now know that my coffee addiction is for gutter trash and i have to curb it. i will and have. one a day then lots of teas. then only tea. which means i have to stop other bad things too. i am going to buy NICE wine for ME ONLY and have centimeter increments of it. you can get drunk off a little bit of wine if you LET yourself get drunk on just a little bit, which is what i’ve noticed and become most irritated by people with, watching them compulsively gurgle my nice wine special occasion cheating wine fucking infuriating. also if you’re going to do this, make sure whoever gets the wine for you gets more than one bottle cos they think they’re helping you limit by getting one only but wrong they are stupid and not planning ahead at all it’s ok no one is as smart as you yes you have to do everything and think of everything yourself there is no point in asking for help ever because they will always get it wrong. anyway. one day if i am feeling like it i will write my own diet manifesto and you can request it by email and i’ll send you it for $100. my diet posts go viral. no more shit for free. i put my theories to practice and get results. if you need help in any area of your life, i’m a gun for hire, you know it. i have personally styled chicks before, planned entire weekends for visiting couples to toronto. mhmm. i am a life coach.

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i feel it’s powers working jeanette!

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how do they get the light inside that crystal like that?

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i want to set deck a boudoir one day. with unlimited funds.

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pamphlet jacket stance.

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toodle-oo! thanks for everything jeanette. you changed my life! i will dedicate my playboy spread to you ahhahaa.

melodie is on the way over i’ma cook for her. tonight i have two foodievents. be strong. very scared kinda want to only drink food despite phenomenal food cravings over the last two weeks. we will see how it goes. pms-central just in time for advhaus party tomorrow night. i like that those parties align with ma cycle.

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cleanse is over! sad face happy face proud face! don’t forget there’s this place. brb with a cleanse post.

lesbians might fall in love at 28 seconds. you have been warned.

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gaahaha this is my watching oprah face, prior to that dr. phil. so depressing. shania twain needed a hook to come out and yank her off, was kinda unimpressed by oprah’s exploitation of that woman’s apparent grief and breakdown. oh well you gotta get back on that publicity saddle somehow right?

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yeesh relax. yesterday was definitely one for the lunatic books.

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was quite stir crazy, vulnerable, pissy, claustrophobic, restless, sick sick sick and now i am coming out of it, the sun is finally shining. i hate that i am so controlled by the weather moodwise what am i a fucking witch? a new age crystal-wielding cosmos aligning weirdo no no i’m not i’m just difficult and stubborn and depression bothers the logical side of me, to me. i think i can outrun depression (ha) like i suggested we outrun mosquitos once in thunder bay, up that mountain amongst the trees when we realized we’d forgotten bug spray. rye considered it momentarily then we all laughed. that is impossible and i definitely do not nor have ever existed in a realm of reality that anybody else lives in. that’s city talk.

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we keeps it fubar.

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stew and i went to the brazenhead so he could see what the fuss is all about. i could go on and on for my love of pubs but no one would care. my soul is suburban, the majority of me is british i think i check off lots of isles over there um, i love cozy and i love drunks and staring at people while they stare at television and i like to stare at menus. i think i am going to start branding myself as the rainman of the foodie world instead of the rachel ray. rachel raymi. anyway. on to the next stupid thing now. i cannot stop thinking of chocolate. you don’t even want to know the food fetishing i’ve been doing. i’m fantasizing about having a feast, building it, LCBO food and drink magazine photography-level decadence. stacked poached eggs on beautiful toasted rye, yolks, yeah, full on obscenely depraved gorging thoughts like the fat daughter on the plane having a nightmare about food in european vacation. except mine isn’t a nightmare at all. anyway my next post will probably be 400 pictures of big macs.

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here we see the muscle definition a bit more. i am going to die in these pants. it’s like wearing spanx as an outfit. perfect for bloated at the drop of a hat person like me. SPANK YOU VERY MUCH. i will probably wear them on friday. come see for yourself.

melodie’s birthday jam!

i can’t remember what size this is. i will tell you when i take it off and check. maybe a 6. anyway last day of cleanse. seeing jeanette in a few hours and she will be re-introducing me to food, or food to me. excited and scared.

*i am pre-menses bloated here even so i am actually going to be or am leaner than seen here. could be. will be. you know what i mean.

clearly i cannot tell time at all, it was not four months ago that i bought that shirt. it was november. jesus i’m on six/seven months now. i looked like this:

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barf.

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holy shit i am soo much more defined now. seeing myself in the mirror today doing bicep curls i looked like a lithe olympiad. i can’t wait to start running. need good shoes for it.

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kay now look.

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slight of hand placement trickery. i don’t know why i bother i’m still a teenier torso. i’ll tell you my measurements in my next TMR post. mom, can you and lois come in next week for a workout?

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see how tight it was formfitting see how these are the worst before pictures to compare by holy crapola more fat pictures of me here. but then only a week or so later i was tiny maybe it was just the pigtails (totally) and a different shirt, or a fat day. who knows. what i DO know for sure is that my arms are no longer flabby, they’re huge still but toned huge. oh and i’m chiseled in the torso. washboard.

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here’s some content stock. this dude sent me questions for some piece he’s working on, women who blog in GTA, was sent to a couple other blogger chicks too and for some reason they forwarded me their responses as well to him before i had a chance to answer for myself, keeners. i do not work this way, so i didn’t read their responses, well i skimmed, and was annoyed (i do not like pre-influence from people who have been blogging for less a time than myself, it’s like my mom telling me about facebook). so without further ado, here is the headspace i was in many weeks ago:

How long have you been blogging and what is your blog called?

Ten years. Raymitheminx.com. I’ve been blogging for ten years.

Do you make money off your blog if so how?

Absolutely, it’s my prime source of income. I’m a full time blogger workaholic psychopath. whups i forgot to expand on this part. if so how? ugh annoying. companies spend zillions trying to figure out how to crack the internet money making code and i’m supposed to just reveal my secrets (that aren’t so secret) or summarize ten years for you? i am too bitchy to expand upon this right now also i think the answers should be obvious as they were to me ten fucking years ago when i started this stupid fucking blog and why nobody else seems to be able to surmise it on their own just makes me unbelievably bonkers like i wanna do a symposium and when it’s my turn to speak just roll my eyes at the audience and call them idiots. woah rageahol. told you.

What sorts of clientele do you attract via your online persona?

High end, wary of me corporate-types. Cool hip elite degenerates. Creative young impressionable artists. Socialite, literary celebrities, musicians, actors, scenesters, admirers, haters, little raymis, perverts, trolls. Split even female/male audience, tipped in the favour of females, ideal target market.

How do you feel about terms like “blogosphere” and “new media” and “social media”?

I feel like, duh, what’s your point? Because I’ve been around for so long, I feel that others have been asleep at the wheel, which is why I have affected this chip on my persona’s shoulder. I’m proud and psyched about the next whatever direction it’s all going to take. Psyched for the future, I mean that honestly. This decade dot com era has a kinetic energy and I have a huge invested personal stake, it’s exciting.

With blogs exploding over the last 3-4 years in Toronto alone, do you feel any sense of duty or legitimacy since you have been doing it longer (this might not apply to all of you if this is the case please don’t feel bad or get mad).

I think it’s great. I like being a blog grandmother. I like that I was in the right place at the right time. And I like that I have the right makeup; equal parts creative and business savvy with stubborn determination. The more blogs that sprout up, the more I excel, as they inspire me and force me to ride the crest of the tidalwave. I always wanted to be a rock star, so this is my band.

Some blogs are getting funding now, like Steel Bananas and Joyland and other things like that. What do you think of this Government financial intervention?

This is the first news of that to me. I am an independent contractor, and like any other operating business, say, Stan’s Grocery or Mary’s Marmalades, that’s them, this is me, and I have a drive to make money, publish a book, and expand. Great, cool. This country has money for its art, and more people should be making art. If it takes federal funding to make that happen, so be it.

there’s a bonus question i’m working on now. time to get pretentious! just walked the dog and now she is in love with me again.