i have to empty out the hall closet cos these guys are coming to check the something or other vent all i did was move the hats i dont want to unhang all the jackets and then hang them again
DUH i had this fantasy of being all breathless and saying oh well “i am a little lazy so i haven’t gotten a chance to clear it all away” and then they just shake their heads at me not getting my laziness joke and then it’s very awkward while they work on it and i type shit about them on my laptop
arran:
Is this one of those fantasies where you end up having a 3some with the vent repair guys?
me:
no im actually dreading it and thinking that they are scary criminals out of a 90s voilent nyc movie and they are going to attack me and are saving our condo for last specially to rape me
arran:
you should clean the closet out then and not make them angry
me:
well i think it’s fine the way i did it before fil left for work he was like you know u cant blow this off cos they actually have to do this cos normally when someone rings our bell i pretend im not here people being at your door can be a scary experience thats something crazy cat ladies say
arran:
I know what you mean though I get like that about phone calls sometimes
me:
i always think it’s someone who wants to kill me then it turns out to be some 13 year old who is way more nervous than i am
so i have some time to kill before the wedding and i’m killing it at fil’s mum’s and i am still debating what fucking shoes to wear cos it’s casual right, fil is wearing white karate pants a la dustin hoffman in meet the fockers
so yeah i can get away with wearing my boots and i only want to wear them cos later when i am trashed they will be easier to wobble around in if i wear the wedges i have to drink less and then bring flats in my purse to slip on later so whoever comments and tells me what to do wins a present. obviously i should go for boots but i want to look super hot right so this is why wedges come into play? oh i have beige tights too BUT i also brought my brown checked knee socks in case i wanted to wear wedges. if i wear boots i don’t have to wear tights.
yesterday i consumed food-wise three pickles, pistachios, half a bag of plain miss vickies oh yeah half an instant pad thai something. this is not enough to prevent your eyes going crossed upon drinking red and white wines. you didn’t forget that i was awesome did you? hope not.
i have to practise unbitchy things to say tomorrow at the wedding.
