can someone please tell me why it is when i do wii fit like a fiend for days on end and eat right, i gain a few pounds but then the several days in a row i don’t do it and eat like a fucking pig i lose the few pounds+ ? i’m talking cheese bean dip chocolate meat and potatoes beer wine cake etc etc etc what the hell? but then when i go to tone my body and free step for a half hour daily and do sit-ups torso-twists and other stupid exercises i get heavier on the scale (visually though no difference other than chiseled toned torso) and don’t tell me it’s muscle gain cos you are full of shit.

i don’t really want to know the answer here i just wanted to brag about being a filthy lazy skinny pig.

i am so weak, i thought i wasn’t that sick i called renita to tell her lets do this tat thing i’m fine, we rescheduled for tomorrow anyway, but yeah i’m a weakling if you wanted to play a wimpy game of catch using a wiffle ball right now with me you’d asphyxiate from laughter choking.

next year i’m getting a flu shot.

so so so so entertaining yet makes me feel as nervous as watching figure skating.

oh great i’m developing a lazy eye now, awesome.

i’ll just keep my eyes closed then. look how dreamy and dewy laney looks god why can’t i be dewy too? yeah yeah i know it’s my makeup zzz…

we were to go to the dakota last nite (evidently it’s the happening place sunday nites but i wouldn’t really know as i am an old woman now) but the line was super huge, our cabbie was like yeah i just drove by there and no line then we roll up to 60 people standing around ha yeah thanks buddy so we tried it for a bit bumped into stanley who let us line-jump (thanks friend!) then said no thanks after shaking in the cold for ten minutes or so and went to crooked star to stand around awkwardly for a few and one of the bartenders we know is doin’ the joaquin phoenix beard look right now (brad you know this guy too) and i barely recognized him anyway no room there so we went to ted’s for a sure thing and good times were had. ‘cept for when everyone goes out to smoke man i can go on and on about how much i hate smokers i’m pretty sure it gets worse around that time of the month but anyway, you’re selfish fucks basically (we’re still buds though don’t worry -_-) and i didn’t make plans with you to hang out alone every half hour or so. you’re telling me i should just leave then? also, going to smoker’s homes repulses me too cos all my shit smells once i leave i have to plan like two outfits around this smoker’s house drop-in and immediately throw all my clothes in the wash when i get home, i never noticed how disgusting the smell of smoke on clothes was when i smoked but now i just ugh, can’t let it go.

anyway this was going to be the blog post about how fil proposed kinda went off the mark there for a sec um oh right well i had to play a few serious credit’s worth of spiderman pinball to cool off when everyone went out to smoke and i refuse to sit there alone with the people i just met and play hostess to them for you even though they’re great but i already did my song and dance when we first all got together and now you’re fucking off alright then that’s my cue peace.

so while i was angrily killing it at pinball i was privy to the most annoying conversation ever at the table down to my right. these spoiled university squares were arguing about alcohol and “what gets you” (?) and apparently the “what” that “gets you” is the carbonation. this one guy was scream repeating that over and over again so unless he was talking about not being able to drink as much as you’d like OR having a huge gut by the end of the nite, he’s a giant ignoramus. also he said that video phones are the wave of the future and that he only knows two people so far with these cell phones but seriously everyone’s gonna be doing it haha sorry someone’s watched too many episodes of total recall. another thing that pissed me off was this chick posed for a photo with him and her hood slammed my hand while i was double-balling it against doc oc (this post is just awash with coolisms right) um what else yeah i’m happy and in love everyone should get engaged.

so the place inevitably filled up and the music got louder (note to ted’s please stop drowning out people with your loud shit music why do you do that it’s so unpleasant i’m tired of coming out of there without a voice) and i saw irene on the floor with a candle, her friend lost her wallet and visiting from vancouver too hope that got sorted out. i felt a bit sheepish wearing my mushroom shirt it felt like walking into h&m and the dress you’re wearing is on the first mannequin you see anyway she was wowed by the ensemble and chastised my “fiancé’s” disdain for my new dress obsession.

before all this we celebrated fil’s sister’s birthday in the burbs, great dinner, great cake, great shitting pants stories, great vibe all around.

there was a third element to this gift too personal to add here sorry.

yeah, i’m goin’ there.

sorry* for the gratuitous ass just be thankful i somewhat censored these.

*actually, fully not sorry. happy family day ontariARiO! (and whatever other provinces)