sass is back after her long work’ation in LA nice nice. more on that later but for now round II of stoner chat with spliffanie. happy friday pals!

me: pick a picture u want for your updated stoner logo
oh thats right i like hearing about drama class too

Steph: HAHAH
I WON AN AWARD

me: HAHAA
thats good
cute girls usually win stuff

Steph: i went to like, drama competitions

me: i went to my room and read fear street novels by myself

Steph: i read christopher pike

me: me too
they were better cos they had elements of sex

Steph: totally
pic sent

me: k
what one should i do

Steph: um one of the ones in the heart sunglasses?

me: ok
do u want a new stoner name

Steph: sure you have one in mind?

me: spliffy steph doesnt flow
no offense
i like it its just i dunno
you hate stoner steph?

Steph: stoney stephy?

me: omg are u mad at me
HAHA
stoney steph is great

Steph: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
no
i was doing something else
hahaha i cant stop laughing

me: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
im you!

Steph: right so funny

me: k is there something better than resin raymi
i feel like
“i feel like” in ryans voice haha
ryan doing steph
ew
i feel like some people dont know what resin is

Steph: HAHAHAHA
roach raymi?

me: what stoner words are there that begin with r oh brb ill get my copy of junky
roach is good

Steph: ummm

me: theres a glossary in william s burroughs’ junky of drug terminology
its dated tho
btw i like that u are jealous of the author of the book that u are currently reading

Steph: HAHAHAH

me: you’re like i hate you read read read

Steph: ya she’s funny and good and enjoyable to read, im almost over my jealousy
but not quite

me: and u wont share it either
there is nothing that starts with r

Steph: its called I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley. what a name eh. but then she goes and makes fun of it

me: oh man i hate that way to win me over

Steph: i hate that too

me: is she a character out of babysitters club

Steph: baaahahaa i know
once i wrote a book that was a total rip off of sweet valley high
its hilarious

me: HAHAHA

Steph: print shop chapter title pages

me: ok my name is raymi the tea head
yours doesnt have to be an s word

Steph: k good that was cheesy
no offense
DONT BE MAD
jhahahahahaha

me: HA!
do u know what a tea head is
sorry i am old world bohemian

Steph: no clue

me: tea head, head, viper user of marijuana
chucks is excessive hunger
for sweets
heroin users get it
flop is a drunk passed out on a subway station bench
thats you

Steph: i think more people know what resin is then what tea head is

me: well theyll know once they read this

Steph: are you getting terms from burroughs?

me: yes
ok do u have a change?
stoney steph?

Steph: tea head fred
please

me: raymi the tea head fred
no im going to be raymi the tea head

Steph: no i want to be called tea head fred

me: i think you smoked too many roaches

Steph: so many rules man

me: haha
there are no rules
stephy the skid
like billy the kid

Steph: ug why do they all sound so gay

me: because they are?

Steph: hahahha

me: MARIJUANA MARTHA
thats your name

Steph: sigh

me: the caps lock didnt seal it

Steph: hahaha no

me: urg
ok last chance
or should we keep our names

Steph: no they’re gay
ummm

me: ok

Steph: im asking rye
he’s smart

me: ok

Steph: spliffanie
he’s a genius

me: WOAH
nice

Steph: i know

me: im jealous!

Steph: hahah ill ask for you

me: thank u

Steph: cannabis sativaymi

me: way too confusing

Steph: rollin raymi?

me: hmm
hahahahaha
funny cheesy

Steph: brb

me: ok we can wrap it up now burn out

Steph: did i annoy you haha

me: HAHA no
aw

made good on that lazy ass thing and finally met with gym to have a reckoning. account is frozen, still paying. will have a 6 month credit with gym afterward whenever i like. whatevs. can’t get an appt with crazy doctor til early march. haven’t even seen the guy since before before the big change. will have to get chill pill refill from fam doc. notes to self.

and where do you think you are? her bf was barefoot too (at least kept his socks on) stroking her ass sides with his feet while reading in jogging pants. how long exactly is your go train travel you little lullaby land babies, can’t get comfers-cozers enough? uggs i spy down there, ‘course i do.

it was also FREEZING how hot do your feets get? bare feet in public places is just straight-up disgusting. disgusting for the person and super unhygienic. just gross. add to that jogging pants and the full circle of lazy display is complete. we get it you are in RELAXATION MODE.

ew again! what the hell is going on here why do we need to see the umbilical cord? and why is there a globe bubble inside of that woman? i think the guy who makes these has a wicked sense of humour actually.

sorry to interrupt but my hair became amazing last nite. thanks bun!

how to get it? put it up in a bun the day after you wash it, have a bath and a brew, get out do your makeup, hang out be a sloth then take out your bun once you get a hair headache and be amazed by the cascade of beautiful flowing waves. the moisture/condensation/heat/steam from your tub soak is what does it then it dries all goofy fluffy princess-like taking on the curl of your bun.

fed the snake and he didn’t reject the mouse. good news. anyone want a jungle carpet python? he’s only a little bit vicious, not poisonous. he might even be a she, even.

in other news i’m pretty jazzed to have something new to stare at in the backyard.

soon enough little animals will be burrowing in you for shelter and hiding shit in you oh man it’s gonna be so sick! get ready for daily xmas tree updates. the dogs have graciously taken to pissing all over it.

nice check my little old lady future face.

sorry there norris.

dinner two.

that melba (what the hell is melba? does it mean stale or hard?) toast company finally got their act together and came out with some spicy toasts. very good i thumb up it.

i got tons!

my nose looks especially pointy here.

me: are u going to do this the true way
im locating the stoner logo (new one coming soon)

Steph: hahhaa
well i have to apply one more coat on my toes THEN i will do this the “true” way
no way i can do that high
im watching i love you man, man rashida jones is trying really hard not to be annoying in this

me: her name is annoying she should try by startin there

Steph: i know and by not having dated john krasinski

me: who the hell is that

Steph: the guy from the office
jim

me: oh
jealous! (you are)
what colour are your nails
tell me when its roach time i dont want to get ahead

Steph: k
they are navy blue
same colour i wore at sarah’s wedding i love it

me: ah

Steph: ryans hung today so i think im drinking the champagne by myself hahah

me: champagne is good for a hangover

Steph: k you’re just gonna blog from when we light up right
none of this pre shit

me: um no

Steph: k whatevs

me: ill skim out the garbage

Steph: lets do this

me: someone out there will appreciate it
are u roach hut central

Steph: chyeah we have 3 hundred

me: here too
what was your shittiest christmas gift
that can be on the record

Steph: ummmm this bowl with a cat face in it that my grandma totally gave me from her cupboard
you’d probably like it actually
hahaha

me: nice

Steph: you?

me: picture please
um

Steph: beh too much work

me: yes it seems an extremely overwhelming task

Steph: i actually got crazy spoiled and didnt get anything crappy. like a sequined shoe bank for example. i got that last year

me: i know
i got a retarded shirt that i will totally blog
its like so ruffled and the size of your palm
then u open it up and its le chateau gina
silk shiny silver grey

Steph: whats your reaction face like

me: like futuristic
oh man i was like AWESOME
this is so good!
then u show it around and everyone is forced to be in on it
meanwhile it is the weirdest fucking thing ever

Steph: aw they meant well just thinks you’re a pirate

me: well yeah but also its like obligatory gifting meanwhile they dont know u
and then another thing was a book mark made out of steel? with dangly black and white rocks?
i was like um what is this
looks like a whammy bar
saw one in a store the next day some froofy nana store and i was like wow i wish i had one of those!

Steph: hahahahahaha thats funny!
im so boring im like the worst person for this job

me: this isnt a job
woah i got all stoic
zen
remember zen gardens

Steph: hahahaha YES

me: white people are so gay

Steph: we sold them at indigo

me: so hot for trends
like i am so fucking relaxed after pushing that sand around with a little rake
ahhahahaha

Steph: this movie is hilarious on so many levels
hahahhaa

me: i cant remember much of it
i cant do tv and laptop at the same time
tv is never on here during the day
i like to know that i am fully alone in the world

Steph: i guess i have it on as background, ive always done that. but i rarely pay attention. unless something is going down in genoa city

me: oh man
soaps
snooooze

Steph: just the one
i love it when they mention “the canadian border”
or when they go to “tor-on-to” they always show the same skyline so funny

me: i bet they think canadians are freaks
alien

Steph: basically i dont know what else to talk about right now
hahaha
this chick is wearing way too many quirky tshirts in this movie
its distracting

me: yeah once you get passed the first weed hurdle yer good. lasts 20 minutes. 20 minutes of straight pure stupid

Steph: hahah you have analyzed this i see

me: i am intuitive
when i find myself standing still for 20 minutes beside the bed doing nothing i realise oh yeah weed trance
why did i come up here again?
right slippers
ryan just told me he pissed himself last nite HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Steph: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yes yes he did

me: wicked

Steph: he showed me his leg in confidence it was awesome
i have so many rules hahaha
remember when i flipped out on you when you sent that vid of me doing wii fit to him?
aahahahah

me: u flipped?
i dumped a beer on myself once wearing burberry plaid pants

Steph: i was pissed ya

me: i was pretending to be joke wasted
sorry u were pissed ms rules
then i poured half of it into my lap

Steph: you knew i was we discussed it

me: sorry
i forgot

Steph: the most important question being
why were you wearing plaid pants
were you skanking

me: because i am party guy
ill show u a pic of them it was when i had lesbian hair

Steph: THE GIRLS A TIME BOMB

me: so one friend was in the john at the time and missed out comes back to us laughing our asses off all wasted
then i retell the story doing the actions then dump the second half of the heineken into the same spot
omg i was not a time bomb

Steph: hahahah
thats a lyric from a rancid song dude

me: such a loser
oh rightHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
remember u told me 50 times u were straight edge
and then madeline did too

Steph: hahahahha

me: then u both told me at the same time
then u kicked a girl and she asid she’d live then etc etc

Steph: i have lame claim to fames
ahahahahah
yes i remember that

me: no u are awesome

Steph: you love hearing about costa rica too

me: oh i forgot about that hahahaha
i am such a shithead why do you even like me

Steph: i dont
HAHAHA

me: you moved away you like me so much

Steph: hahaha aw
i like you cause of the time you said this “we love to laugh” ahahahahahahahahaha

me: HAHAHAHHAHA
when did i say that

Steph: ways back

me: im so gay half the time when i open my mouth im only 50% sure it will get a laugh

Steph: same here

me: and when everyone laughs im like check mark
when no one does i get defensive and have to make up for it by making three new jokes

Steph: once i was being all retarded and what i thought to be funny and ryan was like “dont you know thats only going to create bad memories”
ahahahahhaa

me: HA
what are you doin tonite

Steph: makin dinner?

me: make up a dance!
then perform it
in costume

Steph: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAA

me: remember doing that
forcing your moms to watch
and they pretended to like it

Steph: omg yes
like every saturday
to tiffany and debbie gibson

me: its like this is why u have to put me in dance class so i can learn to dance for real
u go down on your knees and put out each arm one at a time to the beat

Steph: i did lots of twirling for sure
beautiful twirling
remember get in shape girl? or no
im old

me: i do
didnt have it

Steph: i had the ribbon on a stick and i LOVED it

me: and then there was never enough space in the living room so someones dance move got cut off

Steph: yeah

me: brutal

Steph: were you ever in a talent show?

me: i am mortified for my past permed haired self
yes

Steph: oh man ditto

STICK AROUND FOR PART II DEWDS!

new rock of love pants. more comfortable than the other ones, fit better like fat pants ha and no camel toe action. thanks for the gift card dad.

came with a goofy belt.

think they’ll go better broken in a little, washed, and not with this midriff sweater.

couldn’t think of a better name, seriously?

hilarious. wanting to build a cake now just to top it off with these bastards.

i am going to do this to broszkowski some day.

i would be severely pissed off if someone turned up with one of these and i was already half in the bag to stupid town and what oh look now a puzzle! perfect! i’m great at puzzles when cocked just let me get a hammer brb.

i wish these wedges weren’t so heavy.

then i could be arrogant in public and not just on my blog.

BLAM!

ugh gross, unrelated, my brother showed us all pics of his gf’s tits last nite on his phone. i was like how would you feel if dave showed everyone at work pictures of me like that? then he realised the inappropriate nature of the situation. my family has issues with boundaries big time. the irony does not escape me either no, don’t worry.

shh quiet, a gay blogger is creatin’.

these pants have now become dump in the ass jeans within an hour or so of wear after washing. so annoying.

i think my hair is becoming less brassy. thanks john freida.

thought i was ready to consume my beloved garbage again, not so. two nites ago i was up late again reading until my eyeballs dried up trying to beat out nausea. i think i may have an ulcer or when i was retching i tore something because i did taste blood and see blood. if i continue the rest of this paragraph will just be way TMI so anyway plantains are one of my many guilt craving pleasures and those green sour O’s sometimes too. well they were until two nites ago happened.

needing to get back on the wii fit track. tonite’s the nite.

i’m basically as thin as i was when i was 21, have been for awhile but cos i’m older i don’t feel like it’s the same type of thin, i’m not as happy by it or it’s not enough. people with body issues are irritating, i know i know. i’m trying to get over it as i finally see the fruitlessness of it all. no one wants to hear it aside from other sick people. i put myself through yo yo eating restrictions because i think it’s necessary for me personally to achieve more or be called upon for some sort of duty as a skinny person. such a warped mentality. if they wanted me, then they’d want me no matter what size i am right. a raymi is a raymi no matter what. ugh sorry it’s been stressful times and i don’t know if coffee can fix it anymore.

anyone riding post holiday blues a little bit?

ok i’ll lighten up on the hip bones stance (no i won’t).

crafty ghetto girl.

these are some of my friends.

lookin’ tired and pinched. any tried tested and true under eye bag tricks you got?

how to not be sexy.

i made videos of blow-drying my hair, dancing and singing. i’ll have to review and see how humiliating they are before they hit the wire.

have a good one back to non-work work now.

this cake is so marie antoinette sofia coppola.

absolutely fabulous.

purple bathroom love. purple toilet paper with a wizard perched on top.

coulda sworn i was at leslie’s…

olivaallenty has made a comment on the hangover’s best part:
This is a very good movie, I found it for free at: VIEWFILMSFREE (.) COM

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YOU ARE NOT AT ALL SPAM AND I THINK YOU GENUINELY CARE ABOUT MY SAVING MONEY THANK YOU!

+++

beep beep beep hi!

the canadian weblog awards 2010 have begun and will go on throughout the year i believe. many great canadian blogs will be profiled, featured, whatever something or other and i am nominated in five categories. they are: Art & Photography, Best Written (nice), Fashion & Style (fuck and yeah, only nominee there), Food & Drink (duh), Life, People’s Choice (open to public vote from December 1-31, 2010). cool so, no direct page to separate categories yet or a poll or anything, just making mention of but yeah, do prepare for vote battle if it comes down to it oh and it will. kind of a note to self reminder i guess so i can un-star ten billion emails. i also have no idea what the fuck is going on with this joke of an award site…..hey now they updated today well what do ya know it’s gone bunk. oh well i beat dooce in 2006 and won something every year after that. i won something in 2002 as well i remember it well i was living in maine and there was absolutely zero competition so i picked up the award for “voted most likely to show into work late” and they mailed me an amazon gift certificate for 25 dollars.

i remember my dad getting all into it too and then once i won a ton of awards in whatever award was going on at the time he was like now what are you gonna do? twilight zone voice. uh do about what? well you won’t win again next year what if there is a younger better you out there? well then i guess i’ll have to deal then won’t i but you know, this is anybody’s game right?

update: was also nominated for Lifetime achievement. they have to give me that one right? and then once i get it do they pack me up in a boxand ship me off somewhere internet isn’t?

tan over from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

vote for me please margaret atwood is beating me how dare she! i’m tied in second with unionst apparently.

remember when i made a poll asking if you sucked your own dick did that make you gay? hahahahha. and every guy voted no. so funny. i’m funny.