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hey sports fans are you ready to see me stuff my face again? every wednesday at palais royale for fifteen dollars (goes to charity!) you can hit the buffet created by grand master chef Steffan Howard. if you’ve not had food by palais royale then you are a nobody in this city as they cater so many parties and events i’ve been to, namely gibson and a little thing called NXNE and their kick-off party, well they did when the party was at palais before it went to mill street, dunno if they would do it there seems like a bit of a conflict of interest but what do i know? clearly nothing.

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charity proof you just chuck your money in there i guess. not sure as i arrived late and then i didn’t even have to pay, no i’m not that cheap just allergic to charity. no just kidding. i was “working”.

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normally they have everything set up out on the back terrace overlooking the water but the rain messed it all up so they had the buffet set up in the kitchen instead which is cool by me as i am fascinated by behind the scenes anything. my favourite scene from goodfellas is when ray liotta walks in to the club through the basement and then the kitchen with his new girl and slips everyone money like a magnificent high roller, so glamorous, and she’s like uhh what do you actually do? i’m in construction. bahahah.

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not the most glamorous lighting i look like i’m in a jail kitchen. not a kitchen diss.

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multiple healthy salads to choose from. i was worried cos i have a massive day of eating ahead of me today. i’m going to buy stocks in ponchos cos that’s all i’m going to be able to wear pretty soon. fuck.

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i love how the yellow brings out the yellow in my yellow. totally jaundiced.

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eye bag city. whatever. they let me take home some food for my roommates and gave me an insider tip about staff lunches i can mooch in on. fuckin right! it’s so close to me i can just bike over the bridge as if i were going to budapest park good thing i didn’t know about this over the summer.

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i ate three mini desserts on the spot couldn’t help it they told me to. their pastry chef is fresh outta langdon hall THE place of all places of cuisine. when i’m finished charm school i will be eating that place inside and out. i didn’t try one of the green shooters but i did the brown one over there, mocha mousse. SOOO GOOD. i made a point not to take ANY desserts with me. sugar makes lucas crazy also i would have eaten everything before melucas got home like it never even happened and passed out on the couch with a chocolate mustache like a cute video on AFV of a kid getting busted eating something and the evidence is all over the kitchen their face and hands and they fiercely lie about it.

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tenderloin city.

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another shot of my friends. MY ONLY ONES.

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rotating menu obviously. i hoovered this while steffan chatted away left came back with my plate of desserts hoovered that silently listening mhhm mmmmhmmm mmmm yes yes etc etc left again one more round of dessert and a coffee and left it at that. i tried not to treat it like the mandarin after eating there i want to fucking diiiiiiiie.

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I’M GOING TO EAT THE HELL OUT OF YOUUUUU!

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this should be my dating site profile picture. i think it gets the point across succinctly. what point that is you be the judge.

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just kidding. i’m pretty in an ugly kind of way. i have my moments.

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setting up for something. i would shoot myself if i was a wedding planner or any sort of planner i’m already totally freaking out over my party. melodie is going to take control for me so i don’t go kookoo bananas so much. all these tables had in caps lock bold font screaming at you PLEASE DON’T SIT HERE.

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interesting to be here with the absence of toronto’s music industry crowd. that guy asked me who i was there for, a magazine? newspaper? as i was taking a picture of his cups. the devil in me wanted to say something retarded but i said cheese boutique instead, and then my blog and to answer the question you were about to not ask is, steffan howard will be at cheese boutique this saturday 12-4 cooking up lunch for you. remember how i went with melodie last saturday? ok so now you can go there this saturday and eat your face off yourself. say raymi sent you and maybe you will get a high five or something.

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it was perfect until i took a cup for myself. i had a dementia moment of uhhh how do i get one out of this infinity circle helppppp.

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so fascinated by it. i admire effort and style and tricks. it’s clever is what it is.

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very cozy.

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i just hallucinated boozy melty cheese fondue drizzled all over these buns.

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wonder what these will be turned into. stew?

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aw i forgot to try the soup.

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apple bread pudding yessssss fantastic and if i could i’d eat it for an entire day along with a crazy red wine chambord spice drink i invented myself by a fire in a sweater looking out my huge cabin window at snow and deer. ps. i told a tender at the ossington last nite i was an ex tender (apologizing for my ridiculous drink order) and he kinda smirked at me when he served my drink (chambord/vodka soda) i asked if there was something funny he said no he was just like omg she’s an ex-bartender what do i garnish this drink with. i said if it’s a ridiculous drink like this, garnish with nothing though a lime would be the right way to go albeit its want to confuse the patron into thinking it’s a cran vodka. god my head is full of so many opinions and knowledge it is suffocating all from a picture of cinnamon apples too wonder what’s next?

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guessing pistachio flavoured based on my eye spy of pistachios atop those shooters.

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my every move was being charted by the curious kitchen staff (there were a lot of them you have an army in there, quite impressive) so i didn’t want to look like a pig therefore passed on this. i am trying very very hard enacting my portion control self-mandate.

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ten thumbs up. this is on a side plate no i am not that much of a pig. i really love plating food. it is an art. i was proud of myself for creating this art. i grade myself a B.

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steffan himself!

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adorable. not mine. i made fun of the one tiny piece of watermelon. don’t gorge now there good thing you stopped yourself at ONE, don’t go craaaaazy now.

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aaaand then the sun comes out.

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gorgeous.

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i’ve been completely annihilated here. oh man. glad those days are over.

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summer is kicking me in the heart right now.

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my to go containers over there on the left. that was one of the guys in the kitchen. he seemed like he was important in there. you never know people’s rank, cos there’s those who are humble and unassuming and then there are the braggart bottom rungers who chuff themselves up at you in life and you’re like uhhh who the hell are you? not talking about this guy at all by the way, just a few recent encounters i’ve had which amuse me like everything else since the beginning of time forever and ever amen. i forgot how squirly blogging makes me now that i’m doing more of it.

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palais royale cool insider info history lesson: squatters were found living all over this place when they bought it and a couple had a tent set up nearby or on the property that palais let stay there in exchange for security, which worked for a little bit until i guess it didn’t anymore. this is why they do the charity donation buffet, they have a heart and i guess are so stinking rich can afford it. as i was hauling dumpfuls of food into my to-go containers i asked one kitchen guy what they did with the leftovers, charity? then i felt bad and greedy despite feeling like mother theresa cos i was feeding my roommates but anyway, he goes no, the staff eat it. then i thought shit am i taking all their lunch? surely they must eat while everyone else eats too? one more lesson see how those brown doors are arched like that? it’s because the palais was built for housing boats, must be easier to fit them through an arched doorway. how very water gypsy.

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oh yes.

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you are beautiful too.

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downstairs where the bathrooms are is also very beautiful there’s couches and lounge chairs perfect pick-up spot for men and women hittin’ the head. you can get away with creeping around by looking important sitting in a chair on your phone making a pretend call.

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unattractive phewf moment almost busted my ankle and fell down the stairs taking a photo of myself with the ceiling light. so many close calls in a day.

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autographs in the lobby, good day.

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i just learned that grosso means fat and that’s the name of that pasta i got from CB on the weekend. no chance in hell i’m eating it now. thanks babelfish! oh wait i have dyslexia, it says grasso up there not grosso (pasta’s actual name). sorry for the wig out.

how mysterious is that photo of me i look as though i’m in fur on the set of the devil’s advocate and it looks like i’m smiling i don’t smile when i sleep i frown because i have intense dreams. no i’m kidding that wasn’t even funny. f. f for failure. oh i thought of this in the shower yesterday when i got back from the gym after a nip of malbec. if malbec ever decides to change its name it should be world peace.

last nite i had a chat about my ten year blog anniversary party with melucas which will be mid/late november at wrong bar. venue is locked down. check. i want to hire a comedian to mc the night and i know exactly who. i’m going to start talking to advertisers, sponsors (booze) and companies (products) so i can have crazy retarded epic gift bags as i know bribing you assholes is the only fuckin way you’re gonna come. i’m going to make a compilation of all the songs ever written about me and play them at certain points (if you want to actually perform your song then you are invited to do so). i welcome all artists to do some sort of performance art at any point throughout the evening. also there will be a mic placed somewhere so if you have the balls you may approach it and address the crowd with a LIVE HATER COMMENT which i bet will not fucking happen either because no one will have the courage aside from the crazies who show up. you may also say a live nice comment too, talk about how long you’ve read my blog, compliment my outfit, who cares anything. i guess i’ll have to write a speech that i’ll then nervous ramble cry through ughhh don’t hold me to that. there’ll be karaoke, lucas will also dj so crazy dance party too and a couple bands. don’t worry cheapskate “friends” “media” “bloggers” your names will be on the guest list. everyone else tickets will be cheap. i’m going to have it catered. there’ll be a silent auction of my junk, clothing, art and proceeds will go to charity. think i covered everything there is to cover. oh wait, show of hands what’s your favourite booze? lucas says jager cos everyone will drink more and stay longer but if i go redbull then i can get vodka and then all the geezers can give’r more too? ever see backstage at any music festival all the guys not done with the rock and roll (forties) drink energy pops like mad. do you like my totally professional method of party planning? you’ve seen my wrong bar party photos in the past so you know it’ll be a good time.

ten years is a big deal. they say (carly told me this) once you put in 10000 hours into something, or 100000? whatever is equivalent to ten years but yeah once you put that time in that’s when you are considered an “expert” on something so guess what i can now add expert blogger to most famous canadian blogger since 2000. technicality, true. burn!

can’t wait to have a nervous breakdown any time now leading up to this event i’m going to have to start taking chill pills the week prior so that i have a steady mellow state and can act like a human being. i am terrible with stress. comes from my grandma for sure. keeps you on your toes i guess.

so once i lock down some free shit and corporate sponsorship i’ll have to start doing the media rounds.

later slater!

-EXPERT BLOGGER

*update* comedian/host confirmed. IT’S ALL HAPPENIIIIING.

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sorry i’ll try not to talk about haaaaaaaaters anymore. i become momentarily entertained but then it really pisses people off who totally do not hate me and then we have the same fight over and over again. here’s a quickie post before i have to dash out.

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i’m growing out my bangs. summer is over time for the bang swoop. this is sort of what i look like right now. turned that mess of a hair into a bun thing.

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this is me last nite. 3 ounces of booze in that texas tea. yikes. i hate myself for wasting yesterday and then going to tortilla flats of all places.

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what do you call those mexican kaftan things i keep wanting to say i’m wearing a sombrero but i’m so not. this is from forever 21 last xmas time.

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this is where i lived at 19. the infamous crawford ghetto. ugh. hahaha. this is where lucas and i first ever lived together. then i let all the crazies in. that front window was my bedroom.

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carly says my hair is getting longer. thank god.

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so marie antoinette.

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sooo fucking good. this was my weekend. luxurious and lazy.

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melodie has never seen labyrinth before. so funny watching her reactions to shit i know was coming up. hilarious.

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random houseguest spied us in the lcbo i invited him over to smoke some pot. coincidentally knew mel from years ago. he took off his socks.

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family dinner sunday nite.

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carly cutie.

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alex insisted on making me something to eat.

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mmmmm.

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spoiled.

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then i met a giant.

ok bye for now from the raymi times.

letsgethisstraightshallwe?

if I leave a nasty comment i am a hater if i leave a fawning comment i am alright oh raymi can so many negative nasty haters really be wrong? they just see you that’s all. no big deal. content. take a picture if yourself thinking about it over a drink and some gourmet pizza…

raymi: no you’re nothing that’s the thing. if you leave a nasty comment, you are a nasty person. if you leave a nice comment, you are a nice person. not just here, anywhere, in general. get it? look instead of just trying to dig at me as a person, tell me what it is that is pissing you off about me so much.

i worked for my gourmet pizza you jealous little twat so if you hate that, maybe step it up a little for yourself and earn your own gourmet pizza.

mom: The reason you get more nasty comments then most is because of the large volume of traffic. It comes with the territory.
So you attract the fans and the miserable jealous ones too who shoot off negativity for attention.

For instance. Sometimes you say yourself you have so many photos and you can’t decide so you put them all up.
So less might be best in certain instances.
Its all about experimenting with suggestions and figuring out which ones are more fitting to you.

why on earth would the volume of photos i post get on someone’s nerves? they can get fucked for all i care. me saying tell me what bothers you so much is basically being like, i dont care what you think but maybe YOU should think about why you felt the need to tell me this opinion of yours that you took the time to share. is it going to change me? what is the intent aside from the obvious desire to hurt me. i don’t even have time to have this back and forth volley because i am too busy living my dream and achieving my goals and sharing it on my blog. if someone is jealous that’s their problem not mine and guess what i AM human and i DO have feelings and i am sad a LOT of the time and this ISN’T always easy. it IS work.

Mjölnir:

Skal!

i love this comment!!!!

letsgethisstraightshallwe? Says:

its so lame that people keep coming back, looking at this blog and leaving nasty hurtful comments. its so simple, if you don’t like, don’t look. the end. clearly they’ve got a case of the jelly mellies and think they can break you down and then what.. you’ll stop blogging? will they feel like they’ve succeeded if you stop? or would they just be bored now they don’t have a blog to read. aaaaannoying.

raymi: you mean i won you over?

well bee according to the first “hater” comment they’re all supposed to be right, but, about what? i don’t see the point. what does it matter to me if 400 people hate me, if they hate me why are they charting my every waking move? is it like ok magazine?

evendoctorlauraknows Says:

won me over? no, you played ping pong with me. it’s all just a base form of entertainment. like big brother meets the bachelor. you are not to take it personally, negative or positive. we come back-haters and fawners and in-betweeners ’cause there is nothing good on tv anymore and we are too tired to masturbate so we watch you in your cage. like silence of the lambs but shot in toronto. u see?

in my cage? ok you’re a little affected there. thank you for explaining to me that i am entertainment, i’ve been doing this dance for ten years and now i finally see that i am entertainment. guess what water is wet too i learned that this morning also. i do not take it personally as i don’t take it seriously, how can you take anyone seriously if they’re anonymous and saying the most ridiculous shit to engender a response? you aren’t human to me if you don’t act it.

yououghtnotmixyourmetaphors! Says:

well kid, of course you take it seriously so drop that affectation. look…all we are saying is give peace a chance and think about larger dreams. you gonna learn to write about shit that matters? or what? this here not the chronicles of narnia. it’s the chronicles of excess. i enjoy reading about your early stage alcoholism but i need more cowbell. you got one thing right though. i am an asshole. a nothing? that’s excessively cruel. and inaccurate. the end.

when you prod at someone unnecessarily you become a nothing to them as a means to protect theirself from harm. you fucking slung mud at me with that alcy comment, uncool. you have offensive social manners. you have mentioned the pink elephant in the room because you are bored, therefore, boring. this is the chronicles of pays my fucking bills if you are looking for literature WALK TO THE FUCKING LIBRARY. ASSHOLE. you seek attention from someone who makes their living based upon it. i have won. i take my blog seriously. you, your comments, i do not. i knew you would confuse that and i kept it there because i thought perhaps i might actually be dealing with a smart person here.

what shit matters to you why don’t write about your fucking self?

also, my buddy tyler stewart of the barenaked ladies had this to say, prior to your stupidity, (his opinion matters, he is a legend),

You are so ALL RIGHT it’s ridiculous. Don’t change your path, quest, anything. You know what you’re doing more than any of your peers. Keep on being RAYMI. Until you can’t…. xox

all of this went down here i have no idea the relevancy of the comment linkage to the post itself. do you guys even know how much crazy i deal with behind the scenes? like, people who don’t even know they’re crazy. you threaten to make an example of them and they come back with ludicrous shit like documented evidence of my attempting to screw with their miiiinds. seriously. so, do me a favour “haters” unless you have some actual constructive criticism for me, leave me the hell alone. i mean, go to town all you want just realize i have actual mentally (scary) ill people contacting me alongside you. some people don’t have the capacity of understanding that part of my job is making people become obsessed with me. the scariest part can and is the part when it actually works but yet, they don’t know how effective a salesman i am so they legit obsess and freak on me, remember the most random obscure bits of information about you i can only imagine how terrifying it is for real celebrities aghh i’m freaking myself out now bye i wasted the day like an insane shut in like the good old days.

ironic how i feel no guilt over blogging yet immense guilt over the time it takes to do such. also writing. being an indoor kid. i feel disgusted with myself when i feel like i have wasted time, or a day but i know i do a lot, more than many. i am learning how to mellow out it’s hard.

flickr is being a bugger so no pix just words for now see ya.

last night i flirted with pole dancing lessons at flirty girl fitness studios with carly (ripe off a week-long tiff bender she was). do i seem like the pole dancing type? (obviously) i mean do i seem like one of those girls? kinda cheesy no? well, i’ve always wanted to try it i think its been around for years now since women decided to start owning their sexuality, taking back their power all that cougary awesome shit. i put pole dancing classes in the to do pile years ago it’s not something you wake up one day and go oh, think i’ll try that. you need motivation. you need a gaggle of girls to go along with which is cool as i think it’d be a perfect bachelorette party activity for sure. i’m the type of person who will do or try anything, i am not rigid, i have fun. this obviously seems like a fun thing to try and one day you may find yourself in a dive bar with a pole, how cool would it be to dominate that? like the one at tattoo rock parlour (gag) i always try to do some moves on it. there’s also one at annex wreckroom. and one in the back room of the bovine and i love it when crust punks climb it myself included.

tramp stamp! i told carly she needs an image makeover she can’t go myspace anymore people keep pre-judging her everywhere we go and it infuriates me, they don’t take her seriously, they’re rude, ugh, i will come back to this.

i will preface this with yesterday was day one ground zero menses bloated. i am way leaned out today i would have preferred to be photographed on a lankier day though. over it.

i’m going back today with my week long media pass to try other classes they have as i suck at pole dancing. the studio is located closer to me than my gym so i’m going to do something each day this week. i am so pumped fabfind found me to begin with to hook me up with all these services in the city, perfect for my spazztastic will do and/or try anything MO all you have to do is suggest me something and i’m game. pretty easy. also when you have ample time for this shit. next i’m getting a facial, all this super normal stuff i never do because i never have time and i never pamper myself. i have been doing it wrong for a long time. living backward.

i’m just used to putting someone else first and doing little things for myself IF there is enough time after that like i look at my life and all the luxuries i have, the ins and outs and i am confronted by so much empty time that i know will fill up and it does but beyond that i have laid out this life for myself that is unstructured, free and open it’s kind of overwhelming to be so free.

which is precisely why i am boyfriend hunting like i need a babysitter or something. i am attracted to my opposite, someone controlling and stern and structured. well i thought i was up until very recently. had a hang out with one of the men in my life and he was the moodiest motherfucker ever i could not believe it. brought me back to a few past relationships, it was borderline abusive and i have only known this person a handful of weeks. too soon to be operating as such. also, oh no you dih-in’t.

i will never call this person again and i don’t expect them to get in touch with me and i do not care either way. i am never putting myself into a situation like that ever again. i don’t know why or how i am able to tolerate so much abuse and stress and make allowances for people who are shitty to me. i think it fascinates me how awful one can be i feel challenged by it emotionally and i let it continue and the person’s moods rollercoaster all around you they are like begging you for confrontation and you never give it so they act completely mental and you wake up one day and go ok this has got to stop now i’m sorry you thought i was an actual cruel person and you like want me to tell you where to go, spar with you, i just don’t operate like that. my heart is good and it is there. i am not evil i actually seek harmony i don’t know why you have to piss all over everything all of the time.

some guys sabotage the relationship too. they can’t believe the catch they have caught so they test you every fucking day. it’s sick. i have been in so many fucked up emotionally abusive and physically abusive relationships just had a moment of clarity about it i feel like murdering these people right now but i learned how to let anger go. i don’t really blow my fuse ever despite it seeming so on here. i have minor little spats that take me so much courage to get the nerve of releasing that by the time i actually say something i am already unburdened and the person is like, that was it?

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so i go between being completely fine with being single, fuck that i don’t need a man self-empowerment moments to outright loneliness. but i was always lonely so i’m used to it. it’s a different kind of loneliness. it can make you bratty and spend way too much money. it makes you picky. it’s nice to be able to pick and choose who you spend time with and you don’t have to worry if you and your partner both like this person and the best part you don’t have to force your friend into hanging out with your wet blanket (who treats you like shit anyway ahahhaa).

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and everyone invites you places again because it’s easier to be a plus one instead of a plus two and you don’t have to fight over whether both of you feel like doing this thing. sorry we can’t come because someone wants to stay in on the couch. which i DO love but you know, it’s nice to spread yourself around when you’re in your twenties.

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you learn more about yourself when you’re single.

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i notice some of the men i meet or talk to (“work”) make a point of mentioning their wives or girlfriends. never really noticed that before. it’s like they are out loud reminding themselves not to do or say anything inappropriate but also so you don’t get any ideas and not to be a priss or conceited but some of these guys there is not a high chance in hell of me doing aaaanything with them ever so this is why i feel like they feel it’s important to let me know from the get-go they’re taken like if i know this but still make a move i at least knew and therefore it’s on me.

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wow this was so not the idea i had in mind for this post hahaha. carly and i showed up late and sweated profusely within like 4 minutes of twirling. brutal. humiliating.

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the other class attendees were like who the hell are you, kinda curious but not really.

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hahahahha making this my fb profile photo. i was like can you imagine if casie were here we were mental enough without her. of course i showed up baked. slightly. biking cancels out my high. also my period made me super weak and i was really crampy and i’ve been too lazy to buy advil so i’ve been all hippie dealing with the pain, literally, weed (if it’s good enough for cancer patients) and just letting the cramps happen.

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went to marben after for a glass of wine and carly was gunned after a few sips that’s how pickled she is from tiff.

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ok so this post went off topic (slightly)(don’t they all though and isn’t that what my blog is all about anyway?) when i started being a martyr about how selfless i am hahahaha and apparently i come across as down to earth. ??????

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wow that isn’t even remotely sexy.

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we learned this move called the fireman’s pole. i sucked. well, i already know how to do some twirls but my brain is dyslexic and i just can’t do it the way i’m taught. carly was really good and smooth.

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coincidentally after all this i went to for your eyes only for a night cap with a date. only because it was closer to bier markt (horrible cake and service, rude to carly) and closer yet than that awful pub i went to two sundays ago. i have a habit of going back to places that suck, i blog that they suck, then i go back for more suck and yep, they still suck. see how i am an abuse enabler? please remind me i want to go to that adorable pub at the corner of wellington and portland. so charming and irish aghhh that’s the type of place that makes me want to have a boyfriend.

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being in this class and then later seeing the skills put to practice (in the club), well, mad respect. i am keeping my blogging job though. met a guy through a guy friend recently told him i was quitting my bar job, now this person knows of me through bartending, not blogging first, so he thinks i’m an idiot with nothing else going on for me. i’ve had a lot of these conversations recently but anyway i say no i’m not getting another job because i am a writer, pause, blogger. he cuts me off and smugly says that i should just say that i’m a writer and keep the blogger part a secret. i snapped at him and said actually no, i shouldn’t. blogging has opened so many doors for me more than many writers i’ve ever met. i’ve been meaning to do one of my raymi signature railroading blog yelling manifestos for awhile now inspired by this moment in time. i am proud to be a blogger. i am not sheepish about it at all in any way shape or form. i listed off on four hundred fingers all the opportunities blogging has gotten me, parties, concerts, fame, merchandise, money and then i said so that is why i will not say writer and hide the blogger. a blogger is so much more than a writer. a blogger transcends. ten years of my life is shackled to this it’s the longest relationship i’ve ever had. a blogger is dedicated. a writer, starves. ahha ok ok i’m both i’ll shut up.

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i’m pretty sure i tangented at him in a very smug tone oh yeah, i should be embarrassed? did you know i made my fucking self famous off this blogging thing i’m supposed to keep secret according to you, whom, might you be by the way? no seriously. who the fuck are you? then everyone at the table laughs finally cos my change of tone had released some tension thank christ. i get very indignant and defensive. i am ready to fight a war at the drop of a hat. it’s terrible. deal with it. you think you’re taking someone lying down when you meet me but you’re wrong and i apologize. this only happens when i meet someone equally as defensive as i am so can i really be to blame? it’s like 50% my fault so i’m not that much of a monster. sorry for challenging you intellectually. i think this is why the whole (hater) commenting on (my) blog thing works for me and in an over-saturated medium (blogging/social media) i stand out because my voice is so, angry at the world. i got heart and half the time i am an idiot so it all works.

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i wish i had upper body strength. i could not climb the rope in gym class. seriously, who climbs a rope? not this guy and not happening.

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i had to get chalk for my hands to make it tacky as the pole gets slick fast if you sweat a lot like i do. the girl was like not too much cos it will get too tacky. um my sweat disintegrated that chalk immediately i could go through an entire bag.

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carly was mesmerized and enchanted. it’s a fun environment, the lights are cozy, my favourite desctriptive word. the facilities are pink, which i love. hot pink chandaliers, pink boxing gloves, inviting and girly. no boys allowed is the best part.

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pink balls that photograph orange.

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kinda pink here.

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conveniently located too, spadina/wellington. you can tell money has been pumped into the place as the facilities are gorgeous and the instructors are pros.

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can’t you picture a girl’s night out/in beginning here? wine pole dance movie rental crying on the couch trash talking men cathy comics chocolates… in fact i saw a flirty girl fitness demo last year at the precious metal gala and knew one of the girls, daina. also played against her in dodgeball. look how fit she is.

Flirty Girl Fitness from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

she said they keep it sporty as it can go pervy just like that when a bunch of dudes are watching a demo. this was an all chick event put on by harley davidson. i went alone and felt awkwaaaard. woah check my hair out in there i’m not looking i don’t want to get trapped in my archives. it happens. meanwhile i purposely selected the perviest screen shot for my vimeo video. prick.

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now this is more like it i want to try something like this.

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and i want to box with pink gloves on.

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had to stop myself from breaking out the jazz moves alone in here. sometimes at my gym i am tempted to use the empty studio room but then everyone would watch and i’m too shy for that they think i’m mental enough as is in the crazy outfits i wear.

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dreamy. i want a pink chandalier. i want TWO pink chandaliers. i want i want i want.

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would i do this again? well not pole dancing but everything else totally. i still think you should try it (pole dancing) you’re probably a better listener than i am. i didn’t take it as seriously as i should have because i know my body’s limits and i’m stubborn. like, i will never get the knack of knitting. or putting a duvet cover on. or enjoy the sound of accents. people just have their “things” and you can’t fuck with that but i WILL be going there today for something so maybe i’ll bump into one of you, or something else this week. i think i’ve convinced them to let me take someone with me to take more photos. if they say no then fine no more coverage i’ll just treat it like an actual work out and tell you about the results with wooooords.

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i should see how much those pants are i bet they’re cheaper than lululemon (dumbest word ever).

ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

no wait there’s more!

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tickle trunk land. britt came by the other day before i cleaned my room and was like uhh is this what your brain looks like? yes. it does, i said. my mom used to say a messy room means a messy mind. clutter free room, clutter free mind. we were spoiled rotten and never had to do chores as kids, or clean our rooms so our rooms were always trashed. my mom would pay neighbourhood kids to clean my room isn’t that retarded? close friends of family kids, they got to go through all my things so many things i couldn’t even catalogue what i had so when my mom would let them leave with my shit i’d see something around the neighbourhood and be like HEY THATS MY FUCKING SHIRT! stuff would be missing for months and i wouldn’t notice til i saw it. i found so much shit next door at kristi’s grrrrrrrr mom so pissed what the hell is wrong with you?

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i love knowing a sous chef. especially one at marben. guess who is eating this city. jesus wait’ll you see what happens tomorrow and the night after. anyway alex wouldn’t let me leave until he made me something. his delicious bass was so delicious (when do you get to go napoleon dynamite reference in real life ever and mean it? never!) carly ate it and she’s vegetarian! you know how alex and i met? he insulted me on twitter in his feed. i screamed back at him. he said @raymitheminx you’re such a fuck’n show off. so i DM’d him (i don’t give people i decide to be enemies with attention in my feed) YOU REALIZE THIS IS MY FUCKING JOB ASSHOLE something to that effect. love at first sight hahahaa. thanks for the food (and the wine) alex!

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ending the night on a sad relevant note.

hahaha GO LIFE!

late night conceited photo shoot.

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someone far more famous than i asked me last nite if i enjoyed being this provocateur so out there and so on. i never really stopped to think about that before. yes and no. i would like to lead a simple life someday a private life i think. i said unfortunately this is the only way for me now this is how it is.

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one of my eyes is bloodshot. i don’t even look good in these i dunno why the hell i’m posting them. menstrual mental.

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the flash delay on my bb was messing with my posing game. sometimes there is a compulsive need to document and capture every moment it’s not a need at all it’s an addiction? a habit that you don’t take note of, it’s normal but then you wake up to a billion stupid photos and wonder what the point was. oh right, that thing called blogging.

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best meal ever i want melodie to cook for us every nite.

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here i am telling melodie my life philosophy. shes says i’m machiavellian. i had to ask what that meant.

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here she is learning how blind i am. that shirt was casie’s i think.

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jeremy please don’t send that new guy over to deal with us again thanks. his nervous laughter was invasive and got on my nerves.

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we realised our outfits were too much. why do girls change out of something that is working and fuck it all up?

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can you picture me dating one of those guys?

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parkdale is for lovers.

ready for round two?

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i look like the pied piper.

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i spy melodie.

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soooo pretty.

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this is where i belong.

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melodie’s wall of tea.

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totally where she belongs. this is her shangri la.

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from another vantage point.

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what does greedy guts want now?

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i selected the grand marnier chocolate truffle because i was getting the DTs bad.

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i bought four of these for my niece’s birthday a couple years ago. not cheap.

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ridiculous. some on my face too.

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melodie have some. look how close i am at licking that piece off my mouth it’s driving me nuts to look at it.

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oh yeah baby.

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don’t worry was told about the little piece on my face but only of course after enough photos were taken with it on my face ugh.

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i said thank you and he goes NO THANK YOU guess it’s not everyday you see two girls one truffle feeding up in there eh boy? pretty funny he’s totally blushing too aw.

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this way.

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serious face.

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darling.

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lucas lost his mind when he saw these pictures. that’s what you get for partying. missing out. i’ll bring him next time.

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my face feels so oily looking at this photo.

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waiting for my meat i made the boys really nervous and they couldn’t get the right one i asked for cut me like two different kinds. hot quebec genoa salami i get it every time. make a note of it. the hotter and nuttier and older the better.

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hahahha awesome hi humble.

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ridiculous stuff everywhere. could spend hours browsing. melodie was glad we had minimum time otherwise she would have spent hours in there.

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seriously what is that shit i dunno but i want it.

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uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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let me get a better look here. ok. wasn’t hallucinating. it’s ok because it’s imported, expensive?

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old school in the new world.

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black on black figs look awesome. melodie had one.

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i want to change it to 8 days a week. beatle joke!

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melodie’s take.

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more legs.

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for days.

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what a nutcase. sometimes i don’t even have words for myself. what is going on over there don’t you want to know that person with really high hair?

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sell it baby.

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melodie heckled liar you don’t eat chips. what it was the closest piece of merchandise.

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i look hot and fat and bloated. so pumped for flity girl fitness today. i worked out all weekend long drank very little i feel like a switch went off in my head finally i am ready to own skinny again. do you know what it’s like to be fat with a six pack? i do!

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i don’t eat that either. melodie did.

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i was given a bar of the raspberries and dark chocolate one, it comes with a love poem i was going to save it for a date or something, someone i love, and loves me but there is NOOOOOO ONE so i ate half of it and told melodie to hide the other half in her bedroom. i started to read the poem aloud in the kitchen but then got annoyed and jammed a thumbtack into it into the corkboard and stormed out frustrated instead and we went for a glass of wine.

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was told to go easy in cheese boutique as this raymi goodie bag was in store for me on our way out!!!

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ethical bags so cute.

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afrim begins…

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sorry you’re blinking here but i look adorable.

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every time we chat it’s when i am being handed some ridiculous piece of cheese or meat that i am about to consume so i have tunnel vision for it thus canceling out anything you have to say or here’s a bag of stuff specially selected for me as if i am listening.

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i look like stephanie tanner when she had to get glasses and hated life. mel tried these on and was blown away by how strong the magnification is. apparently i am blind. she said to lucas hey did you know lauren needs glasses? i said they correct stoner eyes. i don’t want to get my eyes checked i’m too young waaaah.

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that pasta he’s holding is what legit italians use for macaroni like it’s no big deal and cheese boutique imports it exclusively. exclusive is the new NEW on a product.

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showing me the cheese boutique stamp in my head i’m going there is no chance i’m eating pasta i’m such a cow. relax i’ll have some.

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don’t you want to smoosh your face in my hair? it’s really soft and pretty and smells nice. just saying. i’m digging through the bag now that we’ve started i want to see what else christmas brought.

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oh yessssssss.

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mmmmmmmm.

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greedy spoiled brat.

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we’ve pretty much consumed everything in that bag. all the cheeses and sausage, roasted almonds, the cherry butter spread (i’ve been eating with a spoon) the strawberry compote we still have. melodie cooked the french lentils last nite (best healthiest meal ever) we have yet to hit the olive oils but we will.

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i’m just assembly-line passing it all over to mel goin through it haha this is what real looks like.

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afrim gave me two cheeses that his wife loves. one of which is twenty bucks. high roller. it’s all gone now i ain’t no poseur (foodie) eater, i eat. and eat.

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mind blown looks like this. melodie looks wild-eyed too. we all look mental, in fact. sane is boring.

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so happy. totally scored.

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i love melodie in this blazer. that’s the high roller cheese afrim is showing her. they took prices off everything so i couldn’t add it all up at home like a grinch but they missed that one.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005141917/in/photostream/

had just received palettes of this sparkling lemonade so he threw in a couple, blood orange and pomegranate. guzzled the hell out of them. afrim suggested making a cocktail, way ahead of you there haha. had them straight up virgin though cos we were good kids this weekend.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005143091/in/photostream/

i would seriously be a cow if i worked there i dunno know how he’s so thin. hustles his ass off and doesn’t eat enough i guess. he is like, a real business guy. that’s how you can gauge one’s business by how skinny everyone is or isn’t. stress = skinny = success. you can figure out on your own what the opposite is for this equation.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005756096/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005757582/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005758824/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005759152/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5005147009/in/photostream/

i don’t think there’s one thing from that place i wouldn’t eat. ooh raymi food challenge. spotted dick? coming right up. good afternoon.

xoxox