I just realized i have not had a cigarette since sunday. wow. that is cuz i smoked myself silly fri and sat’day and also i have been sick-as-ffuk since sunday.

I am on coffee number 2 and i think i will go have a cigarette.

I bought the soundtrack to O brother where art thou’ and it is so good. ward is going to download all the songs frum napster and burn a cd just to spite me and my ridiculous consumerism and impatience of downloading it for free.

I suck.

oh well, i have the Cd now along with pictures to hold in my hand. na na na. there is no such thing as delayed gratification.

I have never sneezed so much in my life. everytime i sniffle my brain hurts. haha. ow. what is worse by far is that there are no tissues here at work so i am trying to salvage these five lil squares of TP. sad, really. I feeL so drowsy. yesterday i watched trainspotting, sleepy hollow and fight club all in a row w/o moving once. I tripped in and out of consciousness due to sips of robitussin. reaL trippy. everyone on the train this morning shot me dirty looks cuz my sniffling and sneezing got out of controLe. i should have stayed home.

Today i have consumed:

one pickle

one cup of coffee

I have been hungover two days straight now. this cannot be a good thing. That and i spent way too much money. went out to the bambooze, marche and then hit the phoeNix on fri’nite. Last nite it was the devil’s harp. I say to my friend,

“Welp, i’ll go out with you tonite but i am not spending any money!”

yeh rite. There was this loser-of-a-guy all alone with glasses, thinning hair, flannel-plaid shirt too tite and tucked into his tight, acid wash jeans and white, trashy sneakers and he simply kept staring at me. it was so creepy and i was in no mood to stand for it so i sed,

“Do you have a QUESTION you wanna ask me or something!?” and then he stopped looking at me put on his jacket and left. I felt sad for him. he probably went home and wrote furiously about it in some chatline to his 12 yr. old internet girlfriend. ew.

I think i’m in the mood to go see a film. maybe. rite after this episode of FuLL House. what a riot.

tonite i will go out, get smashed, get more smashed until i am sober and argumentative, dance like a dork and try to get laid.

you don’t need hate to have a perfectly miserable time.

the joker or the phoenix? hrrmmm.

Last nite Raymi had a good time. Raymi has to respect other’s wishes of discretion so mum iz the werd. I watched sum of Maury Povich this morning and he had on these slutty lil girls and then an old ho-bag came out and yelled at them and took them onto the streets of illinois and then to a halfway house for prostitutes trying to get clean and they were yelled at sum more. one girl had sex with a guy for a hamburger. kayriste! a hamburger! in the end they all cried and hugged and were all emotional and sed, “yah, i will never have sex until i Lurve myself first” and then Raymi missed her second bus to Go to klass so she watched Mister DressUp and was an hour late for Klass which was so tedious anyhow.

Going to class with bedhead and BurnOut is fun. everyone wunders whut you did the nite b4 and you can be all braggy and say,

“I am SoOooo hungoviR! urg.” and then you squint and put yer head down and they go,

“KooL,”

liKe the dulldrum rookiecards they are.

Today it not only rained, it ffukin’ poured and i was koLd all day long.

Hi. Lately things have been weird. Well, not weird, just routine or something. I bought myself a half quarter and thought that would be the answer. It’s not the answer, though, i am enjoying hoarding the 1/2 quart in my room. Like a security blanket or something. This weekend was kinda more social than not, for me. I played these great bongos on Fri’nite and had a bottle of Bailey’s to my face. Sat’nite, saw sum ‘ol frendz, sum dope, sum brooding in a black room. Sunday, went Toboganning and then bought the 1/2 quart. weed just brings out all my OCDs, which helps matters none. I slept the whole way thru monday. Didn’t get up until 5:15 in the p.m. I just koodn’t do it. Maybe a combo of tobogganning and staying up all nite baked and re-reading Microserfs for the fourth time now, i think. I then watched TV whilst half awake/ half asleep on the couch. I had no appetite that day for some reason. Today i think is Wednesday, rite ? really i am not as low as i may come across as being. honestly. Just trying to get it all out in one go. painting the picture. so-to-speak. I feeL exhausted all the time. I wake up with the fukkin’ sun everyday. I just want to up and leave. y’know. say, fine “Today is The day.” and then i’m gone. there’s all these little things that keep me here. I dunno. we’ll see how i feel tomorrow.

Me and my attempt at a social life on Sat’nite. Sandra — one of my only realLife chikkfrendz who doesn’t hate me, as of yet. I’m the loser trying to do the back arch. Look at my paleAss belly.

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