Sorry for thinking

Hey guys. Yeah I’m the worst blogger right now. You look at summer and are like cool I’ll have all this time to blog but really it’s like no time for it. I think I’m just too ADD. I know a lot of people feeling the death by festivals heat. Wahh wahh babies.

Sometimes I just want to blow up all my social media though so I can blog again. Feeling stretched a little thin but how is there any other way to be if you don’t feel stress everyday then you are not living.

Tim’s party was great saw a lot of peeps from the past. Heard lots of stories from the past. You can never escape shit you’ve done or has been done to you. Red Flag, pictured above, reminded me of some funny shit that went down while we were dating. I think I can add it to my book. Will add it. It’s basically about how I ruined our Valentine’s Day together LOL.

I think I deserve a medal for bringing my mom to 159 Manning. Also the tattoo convention beforehand which we didn’t get enough time at, my bad.

Jill was my lil party date babe. I had no idea she was such a little rascal. She climbed a wall at one point and I pretty much had an aneurysm trying to get her down lol.

I prefer the nipple version of this photo but I am too lazy to blah blah etc.

It’s funny when people accuse me of being a narcissist. I could be way worse you know. It’s funny how just a little bit of it is enough to drive others over the edge. I find maybe it’s possible that no one is even thinking this at all or cares. I overthink way too much.

I feel like I am constantly battling with my weight too in that I must maintain it and like NOT binge-eat which I do I guess. Being a foodie anorexic is a battlefield. I am happy with the present skeletorness I have going on but all I keep thinking about is eating Big Macs. I am craving processed cheese, gooey gross not even real food-level cheese. If girls were more honest with their instagram posts and what not they’d divulge truths like these to you on a regular basis.

I’m not really dating right now. I have my little manpile that I ignore of course I mean but I find it just complicates things. I’d rather work on my career and myself although it does get lonely and empty feeling and I’d like more meaning in my life etc. I find I get mad at the random men who invite, demand or expect me to come to their little events/parties as some kind of trophy-date for them with zero regard for who I am as a human, my timeline, or life. That is how deeply personal I take it instead of just being flattered and happy to be invited but no I have to make it into a metaphor for disrespect. I realised last night I am very bitter right now and I feel bad for not being a better friend to everyone around me. The single girl just gets used up and it drives me nuts is all. I also hate commitment and when people force me to do shit I don’t want to do or say yes to a date well in the future I know I don’t want to go to. I am very possessive of my time despite seeming to waste it a lot. I want to be there for everyone and I just can’t be there for everyone. Being “popular” is a burden especially when you know people are just so close to hating you, resenting you. Meanwhile you leave yourself last always. I think I feel like no one is ever there for me and am sick of it. Yes there are people who are here for me too. I’m just greedy and want more. There’s just so many takers out there. If you’re gonna take you have to give back that’s all I am saying.

Wowzers.

I over-tanned this day and have a few new freckles on my face beneath my eye that I hate. Up close I have a lot of frecklage going on. It can be considered cute though. So I hear.

When you have an unconventional job like I do you have more time to think about your life and mistakes and you wish you had a normal job so you won’t have to think anymore but then, when I had that normal job I wished I had more time to think about myself or I was crying out internally to be a freak again. The grass is always greener.

Fans everywhere ya go. Being a ring girl is fun and nerve-wracking. I was more nervous doing this than I was being naked at the world naked bike ride. It’s because I am so analytical and I look at some people’s faces in the audience and I try to decipher what their stink-eye means or do I look awful wtf etc. I am pretty sure if I tried I really could think myself to death.

I was sweating like crazy this day. V hot in there.

Melissa is awesome I was so glad she was there too.

I wasn’t planning for my personal headcase stuff to be dragged into this fight recap post but whatever some people enjoy it. Thanks to Rick for teaching me a sweet self defense move as well I dare you to come at me now bro lol.

There’s a big gala fight in the fall I plan to have my shit together for in terms of wardrobe. Last minute Naked News swept in for a thing that day as you recall. It’s hard to plan two things at once. I even forgot underwear! Thanks to Alastair for coming through with some la vie en rose goodness haha.

This part of the night was pretty fun/ny. Drunk Wolfgang was pretty hilarious. I am loving getting to know the trainers in kickboxing world. Characters all of them.

I spy Frank in the crowd.

I love the girl fights. They’re lethal! It’s nice to fantasize about beating up my enemies as I watch these fights. Yeah you know who you are and you know I can do it now with bona fide fight skills lol.

Everybody loves Tracey. #tagteam

It was Wolfgang’s birthday. He was so funny. They got him drunk.

Hey Eddie!

I’m not smiling here because I was trying out a new thing for this walk. Being serious. I just look angry.

The DJ was supposed to play a different beach boys song. Oh well!

Hey Lou!

Watch what you say about ol Raymbo. These are my friends meow.

Next time I won’t binge watch Orange is the New Black in less than 48 hours before two events.

Fun for the whole family. Actually I met a whole family of fighters. Their 16 year old daughter is training. I couldn’t believe it. The mom had a card with a nice message written to my mom thanking her for her photos from the last fights we did. There’s some sweet people out there reading that gratitude card to my mom made me secretly emotional (I was also hella over-tired too).

TTYL Tuesday!