the more blog the more responsibility

I am SO TIRED!

I can’t even be bothered to feel guilty about it or like, compared to a mom “being tired” or a 9-5 working person tired I’m sorry but there are other categories and people of tired. There’s the accumulative tired, that’s what I got. I rebooked my screen test for next Tuesday because I knew sitting in Angie’s chair all damn day was going to make me look like a zombie and I already was danger-to-yourself tired: me. Too many late nights and early mornings.

I almost cut my hand open, wait, I did cut it, on a steak knife. My mom gets an assist in this one however because she left the dish washer open (family habit) while unloading it and of course I came flying in there, slipped and put my hand down directly on to it. Super close to an artery, one of those fat veins that you die from bleeding forever from.

It’s good I’m fine just a little stigmata. Then I cleaned the car off twice. I cleaned it a third time after Angie’s, now THAT was the cherry because it took 20 minutes because I had to scrape all the frozen ice rain. I told this to my bf and he’s like welcome to my life princess. Good arm work-out though and I remembered to fire my core a few times but then I was more concerned with surviving because cars kept turning in and we were parked on the road, it was after work time and hella traffic plus ice rain. The lights flickered on and off several times I was worried I’d be on air and a power outage would occur then laughed because who the fuck would be listening to the radio at a time like this about this?

But it all worked out. My mom refused to drive to my place and my hair took so long bf was already at home so looks like I was crashing with mom. We watched a very violent year and dear white people. The violent year movie did not grab us at all we were on our phones the entire time. (mom get wifi I can’t stand it anymore!!!)

Sooo the next day (today) we went to the hospital and you know fucking what? We had the best time!

Weird.

That boutique they have is so awesome. Ha! Women.

Then I bumped into a girl I went to school with years ago and you know you have a choice to do the shy thing and ignore or proceed and open up. We both did a double take, recognized each other then I was like DANIJELA (she’s a Croat) and so we talked for ten mins. You don’t understand, so many of these kids I went to school with are such a part of my past, my history I can remember every second of and I haven’t seen in years.

One time she dumped my desk and all my shit out like a psycho! We looked the same too and teachers would yell LAUREN! at her and Danijela! at me. So many stories we were all fucking assholes but anyway, like me, she is still a confident loudmouth it was a very enjoyable reunion.

My mom also said some sweet stuff to me that made me cry. We had to put her Raybans on, no we were already wearing them (bifocal Raybans at that) cos too many feelings were happening. It’s hard to tell people you are close to that you love and appreciate them. I guess I never hear her say it but behind my back she brags about me to her friends. I think she was happy I came with her to her scary doctor’s appt which I felt bad about being bitter about missing out seeing my bf for. We’ve had conflicting schedules lately…

I think about life and death a lot and I think my mom does too and all the gurnies of sick people were going by. We are still mourning the loss of Papa, my Nana is on vacation and fell on her face in the airport my mom asked her not to die on this vacation. I got the message during Comedy Fest’s opening night from Aunt Lorraine then I looked across the church at my mom taking pictures (she’s a hired profesh photog now and was working the event) and I debated over whether or not I should make all the blood drain from her head by telling her this Nana drama. In the beginning stages of an accident, the first message out is always exceptionally alarmist in nature and if you happened to be drunk when you receive it game over! Bahaha. Not only are we high-stress anxious people we have been dealing with it for awhile. “There is just always something”.

This is what is exhausting me I’m also anxious about looking good right now more than anything. I don’t like to spend money so this grassroots DIY beautifying (dieting) regime I’ve been tackling for months also takes its toll. I worry about myself a lot because I can’t afford to fuck up and I don’t have time to waste anymore.

Obviously my mom isn’t keen on the Raymi the Minx machine but she isn’t stopping me. We got through my entire hair appt without telling Angie exactly what this hair transformation is for. She unfriended me on FB and we never discusssed why lol.

Do you love this post? Yeah I missed you too. I’m going to have a bawth now. Making steaks for bf and I tonight and watching Borgias cos we’re all caught up on Banshee.