Here’s the crap I didn’t blog yesterday. I guess that could be a title for every blog post from here to eternity.

It was tough getting pictures in between my girl coming in and out of the room, I managed a few bad ones and this one with my teener-tiner thong. These thongs (I’ve racked up a collection thanks to all the three piece sets I buy with garters) are perfect for beneath tights, they make you look like a stripper and inspire confidence. Get one and your muffin top will go away and you can boss around your boyfriend more while fighting over cleaning the house.

We ranked ‘lighting’ a lower score because we didn’t like the darkness for all the pics we were taking. Don’t give divas a pen and a customer opinion exam if you don’t want to get a few jabs. I’m sure bigger complainers with less bad to befall them during their stay give low scores just because. People are shitty, check youtubes like/dislike section for example. Puke.

I will now see how long I can stand Kiss from a rose. Okay I just put it on and zoned out to it for the entire song while I cruised the internet. That backfired. I thought I would get grossed out in seconds and change it. Time for some Phil Collins.

If I get arrested on my birthday this will be why. Just kidding blonds don’t get arrested. Just kidding I might not even be blond by then! You better come hang with us.

What’s up Maple and easy there extra small shirt, was Simon Cowell in town?

Cheekbones like cray and NSFW Merkley eyes (mom said). That’s two Merkleys this week. I just emailed to tell him in case he misses it my mom wants him to shoot us together um, they’ll definitely be solo portraits, well some of them the nudes of course. Ew!

Bye that hair.

Holy face and crotch space batman but we were watching Marilyn (for my second time) and I was pre-pining for my long gone blond locks. My facial expression is an accurate depiction of the opinion I have of my phone however.

What is going on with those heels? They’re barely a heel too, very kitten.

When we first arrived.

Upper Canada Ricotta cheese buttermilk pancakes, maple poached pears & Vanilla Butter. Don’t order room service the night before in a post spa/dinner/pool/movie/champagne delerium I should have ordered bacon and eggs (I ordered a side of bacon thankfully because it was all going to be free anyway VIPLEASE ATTACK!) I got no sleep practically, it seemed like the moment I hit the sandman I was up eating pancakes in total confusion I thought I was still dreaming. I managed to eat one. I’m not a morning eater plus they didn’t give us mimosas (fail) which weren’t actually on the menu but I added that in big letters with a smile face. I was dreading getting up and showering, no one brought conditioner or hair stuff cos we didn’t plan on doing our hair which always means your hair is going to definitely get pool natty.

Thanks for the two nudes mom. Ew again. Chuckle. My last pink one exploded and I traded another to Hailey. We are all mad for our jewels in the family. It’s a bonding thing. The woman in the store was like wow is this an everyday thing because I want to shop with you girls. Lois and mom were doting on me, helping me choose earrings. I said it’s my birthday month however every shop visit is always a spectacle of some sort or other, like when I bought those headbands, right mom lol. The lady said she had sons. I said she can take me out shopping any time. See the scratch on my middle finger compliments of grey cat? Worth it!

Put your hand up if you horde all of your little jewelry bags in a mother stash somewhere. They’re so darling. Good for gifting crappier jewelry in too!

I wanted that, it was pretty steep though.

Bad photo but smile time station was in full effect when I got home. We were Noah’s ark with everyone surrounding me no wonder I am so conceited jajaja. We sang the “yeah yeah” song, rolled on the carpet, the animals swatted each other, it was adorablah.

Look what’s in my hand. I am surprised half that package is still in the cupboard. The british version of any cadbury chocolate is exceptional. Not for your little figures though. My mom wouldn’t have a bite cos she’s on a strict diet, no matter how much I tried to sabotage. She does it to me all the time so I gave her payback.

A duhoye. My new earrings. I have a pearl earring in 4 different sizes all missing their partner so I needed to replace and these are the best of both worlds, crystal swarovski (rip offs) AND pearls, my favourite! Match my necklace perfectly. See my lip piercing hole? I don’t mind it, gives my face a history. That’s what I think when I see people with vacant holes in their face. It’s kind of cute. Bad boys who grew up. So easy to push off the wagon too.

We’ve been on a feelings eating spree lately and it stops today!

I know right!?

I run with earrings on because I think it makes me look rich. Sometimes I get stopped to get my picture taken Haha you never know! And not even exclusively by people who recognize me. I blasted through all these kids with cameras two days ago and they shot the entire thing. Supastar!

Took me awhile to get my hair right. On the other side of my head is the part where my roots are at, scary, but only because it was shower day but there is no point to do my hair before I run cos it will get ruined from sweat so it took a series of various Dog the Bounty Hunter/Snooki up-dos before we could run out the door.

Don’t think I didn’t notice you noticed my nail polish matches my shirt.

The courier for this package pounded on the door like cray. Those deliverymen have no patience holy crap but thanks Aveda you brought happy to my afternoon and your luxurious products are very good to my hair.

Happy girls post spa wraps :).

Lots of these coming up to make fun of/enjoy Team Yay Cray all the way.

Woah chillax there sexy Rambo Rebecca and I hate my teenage daughter face Jules haha.

I cleaned can you tell? BYOSOCKS girls. Now I want to buy more socks.

Who’s a lady I’m a lady! Burp!

My face wasn’t finished yet so it’s a bit extra blah. It is still adorablah. No YOU stop trying to make fetch happen.

Dinner one. Dinner two was even more disgusting(ly beautiful).

This is where my hangover happened. Gingerale, ipod, sun. I think they call that church out west. I don’t care if the rug gets messed up, it just got rained on now I’ll investigate what happens to ikea rugs when they get soggy later on. I was pretty emo and after lying out here I felt loads better and stupid for having the audacity to feel bad earlier. I think too much and then I blog what I think but people like meticulous shit and I’ll oblige via navel gazing until I lose the ability to, or desire. Little Raymis get scared at the thought sorry!!

Iron Fist retweeted me yesterday! Play it cool Raymbo.

These are diapers on me now so I have to hike them up 80’s style I don’t mind but I know the bagginess in the bottoms makes my less than chiseled when sitting down middle region look baggy too by association. I am only being pretend hyper critical because I know the Little Scaries go over everything METICULOUSLY.

Those are the best sun shades ever, the lens made everything ultra blue-pink, way better to look at life that way. Then the gnarly orange, paired by my vibrant green ‘kini and blue nails. Lots of little details combined throws out a LOOK AT ME to everyone you pass or, in photographs. It’s also youthful.

Dad when we get new lounge cushions we are going to bring these ones over for your backyard so when I tan there or burn out in the grass (Burnoutington!) I have something to lie on.

Hey did I pull a Pauly D and put the inside, outside?

I am ass proud. Say it here, say it loud. I said to Teacher that my mom for years thought about my ass over bewbs and that’s why she never cared for my “newdity” cos she knew my bubble butt was the secret weapon. Yeah thanks mom we could have been ahead pf the game years ago. I also said what if I did focus my brand on my derriere more often, sculpt it. Butt of the day photos? It’s my asset after all and girls with nice racks flaunt them obliviously, what’s fair is fair. If I had a nice toe this would be the nice toe blog right?

Thank god for the scary monster eyeball on my tit. These came with inserts, which change the bunching of the top, it also has string to tie around your neck. I am not this flat is what I am saying. I am always saying.

This bathing suit is humourous and Lois demanded I get more once we were leaving Fort Lauderdale for Miami so I got several ha ha.

I don’t have much time to pose with mystery camera and that is why I always look stupid. I am kind of an idiot like I guess how Beck performs, does robotic poses in a thinks-he’s-a-ninja/hip hop-white-guy engaged in a free-style MC battle. I have a Beck complex, minus the extra-curricular beliefs. Everyone’s paro of the S-word!

I look pretty nakes and rtrd’d. Bonus! Nah just kidding I can almost pass for cool.

This suit at a water park I’ll have 12 year olds lining up all around me.

It was so warm because the wind was so still, the turbine didn’t at all move. #windmillwatch!

Bye bye Courtney Love comparisons. You will not be missed.

But you were missed tanning buddy. My chest is tanned and I have tan lines, hoo-ray!

Someone has more sweeping to do up there and it’s not me.

I started reading all the dumb things I underlined as a joke but then started reading, and seriously, replete with Kevin Spacey southern accent it was a nice time and took us away. Cheap vacation. I remembered why I loved that book so much and it made me miss New Orleans even though the story takes place in Savannah, Georgia it references it though and blabbity blah I love elitists and their fantasy world, craziness, manners, drinking, high society parties. Teacher pointed out similarities in the in and out party guest lists to “all the stupid parties you go to” haha yes very true.

I read this at 17, after England I think, I got halfway through and then I had to rent the movie I was obsessed with it. It was accurate but paled in comparison to the book like everyone says only because when you read you are forced to comb over each detail and it is imprinted on, as if permanently, to memory, but not with movies, I can’t remember thousands of movies I’ve seen.

Time feels like it is flying by and it is already summer again, I know there will be a cold snap and time will feel at a standstill once again but this pop of warm climate was so appreciated. It made me think about how clever I was at forgetting how great summer sun is and coped through winter. That dour season makes the good so much better when it’s here.

See the helicopter?

I need back treatments, my skin is unforgiving back there excuse the pun.

Nobody is perfect but teacher says people are looking at my butt over that.

It takes awhile for the shade to hit you but I like it open it feels like a sail and adds to our little tropical roof oasis. I am going to be covered in sun freckles in no time which I will cover up with make up no biggie but I don’t want to burn my skin off.

And I definitely want new plants. I want a nursery to give me free plants for all the photos I’ll be taking up here in exchange for blogvertisement and it is my new goal for any “major” future purchases to get them free if possible as I do not want to go back to HD and wrastle up some plants and wait in an annoying line-up. I want to be thrifty and enterprising at the same time. It’s the Übermensch way. That includes new lounger cushions too. 4000 uniques daily. Think aboot it.

Oh hi there didn’t hear you come in. It’s Reading Raymbo you are just in time. Would you care for a libation?

Where were we, now?

She’s a blob but a wonderful blob and have a wonderful day! I’m channeling Marilyn here. While I still can. Sob.