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Urge Underkill

Super post excellent! Ready set go!

These were so pretty. The cats had fun times barfing up some leaves, we all enjoyed that, then putting them on the fridge while we were visiting my dad and then to the garbage with them upon our return. This is why you must get a girl a gift for v day too, flowers die.

I get to be blond everyday so I am going with a pink haired Junko Mizuno to portray in burlesque MARCH 16 at The Bovine. Also it means I can buy a pink wig. There’s one I’ve seen that’s Sailor Moon in length. But my girl has a huge amy winehouse hairstyle so I might have to buy a more expensive one.

My new Dog the Bounty Hunter hair accoutrement.

It’s a Leap Year today. Now that I am old and dumb I don’t remember why they can’t just make it a permanent day, kind of bizarre really but anyway someone told me that in Medieval England it was the one day a woman could ask a man to marry and oh the infinite burns one can make from that. Girl waits four years, asks a bloke, he says no. Girl kills herself. Fun times! Or thanks calendar for this super special day to eternally humiliate myself by. Not to be old fashioned (totally to be) or anything but I like it when the guy asks, I have friends where the girl has proposed and inside my head I am going “it’s not the real thing!” or it feels kind of forcey? Yeah it’s the year 2012 now and shit is way more progressive (and gays get out of this one for sure) but still, as a hetero (who likes titties too A LOT)(motorboat club anyone?) I like my marriage proposals from the man. The end. You just won’t find me proposin’ and shit is all, also, my dowry would only be a blog that everyone will forever make fun of us on and the ability to make cats my friends so I need to up my game a billion per cent before I can even consider being a viable wife. Beat you to it assholes!

The day the po po came mom said to dress pretty so that they take me seriously. This was the best I could do whilst speed race cleaning the place.

And then some other day. Stella gets walked in all kinds of slob chic fashions doesn’t she.

Did I blog this? I can’t remember shit anymore. Who cares it’s a Feb wrap-up. Tomorrow is day one of my birthday month and my birthday is all the way at the end so every day this month I get to have one of the following: identity crisis, my life is over crisis, I am all washed up crisis, drink a LOT, get a couple spray tans (double dips my favourite) and regress into a 20 year old. Pretty much “just anotha day”.

V Day themed nails, did they last to V day? I think so.

When can we see the mildred’s hbo movie/series? Must use this before March is up.

This soggy gingerale package warmed my heart. I have the neatest Little Raymis, so generous and care packagey, great listeners too. I say I like gingerale loud and clear and they hear it. Henceforth gingerale mail.

Kylie is my little protege out west somewhere, not as far as Vancouver west but one of those middle provinces I long forgot about. When I do my Raymipalooza cross Canada tour the first episode will feature me retaking a citizenship test to relearn Geography and Canadian history booring. The answers are in the back anyway so, suck on that.

While waiting for our taco table at the caddy we noticed all these people who totally look like they watch the simpsons (analyze at will) and realized oh yeah, simpsons trivia night and a majorly limited menu that we ordered off of despite waiting to eat next door. Starving cannot be resisted when confronted by poutine.

Red Ridinghood goes to brunch and no wolves are harmed.

Time for brunch. Man I’d like ta get me some of that right now. Major appetite (for destruction) for sheez. I am having hollandaise sauce avalanche fantasies.

There is still time to get me the pink or the black. Play it safe and get both so I can use one for the day and black for events.

What do these look like to you? My dad copies me and gets poached eggs now (healthiest) because they come in a special little bowl. I like that the salad bar is permanently decorated for fall with fake leaves on it. Dad just told me he got a burger and fries to go last week WHAT so jealous.

That’s my grandma and my dad speaking of. Oh and he has unfortunate news about the Queen too.

I like your hat.

I want to do my nails again like this. Sparkly my little pony nails.

I make life easier now for dad and go with Timmy’s (vom word) while there.

Snorgle time. Kick me in the lips with your sharp nails all you want it won’t stop the snorgle rain.

Okay yes it will, my face is too precious for Edward Scissorhands face scratches.

This wine is bomb but red wine makes me fat so it’s on the no no list until I am back in underweight lithe looking territory. Which is today I guess but I am so going to pig out tonight I know it.

Countdown to vodka sponsorship please oh please oh please. That or gingerale take your pick, coffee too.

Inside of this place is where we played DBall. Where we WON. Def a Lord in a past life your hero was. Defskies.

Hello old friend. The Bedford is gorgeous. At Christmas it is a dream, garland and lights everywhere reflecting the tin rooves. Oh hell yeah I can write decorating porn.

Just think, about a third of these people got a ball thrown at them by me lol. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR. Actually I’ll admit that I am kind of a shitty player (kind of a shitty everything) but what I lack in throwing I make up for in dodging and lasting (uh some of the time, I was all over the board really) and enthusiasm of course, I am a loudmouth. Yeah I can throw for sure but those sponge balls get the better of me. I am a perfectionist in the head so I have to go over every fucking thing I ever do in life it is exhausting.

I don’t know who won for best girl and guy or team outfits. I read the dude’s name but who knows people’s names these days? Not I sir! But I super want that barbie like a mawfucka.

My button says playboy. Ironic buttons so funny (so not funny) but flare is flare.

Teacher admitted the animals like me more last night. I have a new thing to add to my fake pretend resume now beside First place Dodgeball tournament champion in Skills: The dog likes me more than you. That is just a rough estimate of how it will be worded but the gist of it is there. I just played with Stella for three seconds and she passed out from bliss so there you go. Dog whisperer. You should see us in Bellwoods I have to outrun all these beagles and terriers and other retarded slobbering dogs in love with me.

I like the water tower it reminds me of a Steven King book, end times, desolate small town and summer, most importantly of all.

I am NOT a morning person, Saturday morning least of all (we were good the night before anyway) I can do mornings as long as there is no speaking. So we were a bit crabby trying to race out of the house in time and get our flasks filled lol. Saw one of our opponents as we were cutting across the lawn of the building with a bag of tall boys then forgot about him til later and asked Teacher where that couple went, since donning stupid hilarious outfits, I think she was in a hawaiian shirt and a mullet wig. He might have been pencil skirt guy. Our team laughed at all our nicknames for people, pencil skirt being one of them so it was funny to learn at the end that pencil skirt was that guy and he might have been drunk. Hilarious squared. Though the face doesn’t add up to the one I saw on the lawn so forever a mystery it shall be. Just the way I like it.

Interesting week, interesting life. Also how I like it.

By Friday I heard the video will be complete. Exciting. Excited.

Hope I look hot.

Lots of mail this month. And something from MTV too ;).

My hair is awesome today and every morning since sleeping on these. Brennen was right, he told me I need silk pillowcases for my delicate hair. A promo was being run a few weeks ago and voila, sensual high-end beddings for your blogging royal highness. Thank you Cilque I’ll be sure to photograph my alleged wicked hair day once I hit publish on this superpost.

I asked if I could post certain pics I had on my phone (no spoilers) and colleague reminded me of all the pictures he took of Toronto Batman and I which I can blast up tomorrow. Yayness.

My hair, speaking of, has been feeling longer lately. Very important thing yes.

It’s been too wet to wear these lately but don’t worry I will be pulling a Burt Reynolds in daisy dukes plus boots tres soon. ps. you can show off your gams for forever, like Tina Turner. Only jealous girls say cray stupid shit like that, or like jealous bitches of my mom. Flaunt ‘em if you got em.

RIP Davy Jones.

19 thoughts on “Urge Underkill

  1. Toronto Batman is freaking intense.

    And I think we do Leap Year because the year is actually just a little bit longer than 365 days and once every four years we have to make up for that?

    I agree with you on the proposal thing though; I wouldn’t propose to my boyfriend. Call it backward or regressive, whatever, I just know that I want him to pop the question.

  2. congrats on the dodgeball win.
    i swear everyone on the internet plays dodgeball except me. hah

    oh and raymi + batman is hot, double hot, hot squared hotness.

    you are lovely.

  3. Thank you for clearing leap years up K (and for the ale) so I didn’t have to google or think, period. Women historically are known to prefer staring PROPOSE ALREADY holes in to men’s heads telepahtically for years until they are about to explode instead of bending on little women knee.

    Jules, dinner raincheck til tomorrow? neither you or bech have replied to my craymail yet so I am about to order a pizza noooooooooooooo.

  4. okay good. maybe ill go to that resto with teach instead, or sit on my ass and order food. nope. ass food wins, outside world today is bad.

  5. Mom thats a good idea, I can film it from the room! mtv was my pay for creep judging lol also it appears you remember every single school morning since the dawn of time. also before brunch at dad’s cos i take so long.

  6. Lois and I are on the way to our last yoga, may have to hold her hand again. And she always claps too soon before the class ends. Like a little girl with her pebbles hair ponytail up in the air.

    Will have to let my yoga girl know I won’t be returning since winning the trainer makeover contest.

  7. Just got your cray mail….been walking the stupid sleet shit snow streets for hours. let me know the final plan. sounds like you want tomo? not sure what the fuck is going on. jaja

  8. Do you know Lois blames me every time we are late for yoga and I have to pretend I’m the loser instead of her?
    Then I call her a “fucker” over dinner

    I can’t tomorrow because I have to go get weighed in and measured for the contest in the afternoon
    I’ll go in like a beached whale and come out like

    like what, what will I come out as?

  9. You know what? You look fantastic the way you are right now. Your can looks bigger and I’d love even more to have my lips surgically sewn onto your ass.

    But that’s just me. I’m only one man, and hardly one that matters, my fourteen-inch tongue notwithstanding.

  10. Skippystalin, HA! What a visual… Raymi, have I told you I love you lately ? And you are NOT a shitty everything. Also, those pics awhile back of your dodgeball game, the ones where you have one leg behind you all gazelle-like? Holy crap, you look like you’re gonna SLAM someone, so cool! And I am jealous of your snorgleable kitty. We might get another one in a few months, need kitty to snorf! Anyway, keep it up, love your blog, pics ‘n’ text combo= perfection. XO

  11. I meant to say “cans.” Which they do. But that was a typo I deeply aplogize for.

    And you would be truly amazed at some of the things that i’ve said that have gotten me laid. I know I am, being really ugly, poor and all.

    I guess it really is charm that counts!

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