WARNING: ass in da mirror

I imagine this is how Kelly Ripa works out too. I LOVE HER!

Interview Question: Would you say that you are ambitious?

Long silence then intake of breath because I had a LOT to say.

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LOOK IT’S ROB PATTINSON!! I met him a few years ago when he was staying on tofino island (my ex’s stepsis knew about this) and he came to the gibson juno party we had, Tyler Stewart was there too hey buddy! Anyway, if I had played my cards right and wasn’t engaged at the time I am confident I would and could have said something horrendously perverse that might impress him and like 9/11, my life would be forever changed. Again. Whatever you tell me why you read this stupid fucking blog then. haha. OOH I FOUND THE TWILIGHT POST message to the crazies where I waved the white flag. LOL.

“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HIM OR TWILIGHT I WILL NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT HIM OR THE MOVIE EVER FUCKING AGAIN ON MY “BIG DEAL CANADIAN BLOG” THAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADS UP YOUR ASSES OBSESSED WITH STUPID THINGS LIKE VAMPIRE MOVIES I LIKED THE FIRST TIME AROUND WHEN IT WAS CALLED THE LOST BOYS.”

I am never a deserter, rarely so, and this was one of the times where I trashed a post. One of my tips about being internet famous is, if you’ve got something to say, stand by it and back it up. Be controversial, but in this case I was not prepared for the lunacy of #twihards. Teacher told me it’s pretty good though holding out on not seeing Twilight ever for over 4 years. I met a dude when I was 18 who was my friend for awhile when I interned at a magazine downtown for my high school co-op placement, he was in the Knights of Columbus (he had the ring and everything, or it was the FreeMasons if I saw their emblem I could place it) he looked like a conducter with long curly hair and had an internet indian name as an alter ego for his email account, Rajiv something (I know right and I am not even making this up, I have loads of ridiculous stories like these) and he was a vegetarian, anyway the point of this is he never heard of Britney Spears and it straight BLEW MA MIND like, what. O_O he didn’t have a tv either and his slow computer was dial-up and I was like how can you live like this? No furniture too so we would always sit on the floor and he had a best buddy who ALSO had looong blond flowing hair and I was like, who are you people? Meh it was Cabbagetown but anyway, I guess guys who get in to funny old man cults aggressively avoid pop culture and so I guess I turned in to my friend Garth (actual names YES) and turned my back on a big fluke of popular culture like Twilight. Bowing, the end, where is my medal?

I’ll take my didn’t hit it rage out on the gingerbread house now.