but i let the water take me

So, when I invented my brand at the age of 17 a hundred years ago luckily I had a crystal ball combing the future of a thousand cosmos for meh. Future forecast: MINX.

You know those “learning yourself” questionnaires on getting to know each other on the first day of school, or a work retreat (as if I know anything about that sort of thing) you’re typically asked what animal you are, I usually chose something from the cat family or a monkey, something cute and vicious. The older and more provocative I became, I knew my animal was a minx.

Kathy and I get right down to biz. We minx together so often she’s now my buddy. I fill her in on all my ridiculous shenanigans, gossip, publicity stunts, lascivious celebrity run-ins, you name it. She is a legit celebrity nail tech, she DID GAGA and tells me newer bits of info regarding lady gaga’s minxing each time I get a manicure. You’ll have to go hear for yourself, it’s not my story to share.

This’ll be the one. I’ve had my eye on this design for months. We’re still designing a raymi minx. Excuse me I just recovered from fainting. I ran to my manicure, have you ever done that before? I recommend it, the exercise euphoria makes your stories more interesting, I think I squeezed in about 400 anecdotes. We all love for our artists to be eccentric and insane. DONE and DONE.

If I had the time I could get a minx manicure a week. My nails are sponsored like my hair but they don’t have roots so I don’t have to get them done as often as I get my roots dyed. Funny how I turned my job into being kept and purporting an image as such, I’ve never been accused of being a kept woman so many times in the last week, not accused just assumed, a woman of leisure. Trust me, I do not take my not having to appear at an office every morning life for granted and while this superfluous activity packed life seems like ring-around-the-rosy, I assure you, I hustle my ass off and have the mania to show for it.

Heat lamp. I am careful to take my hands out from under it at intervals cos I don’t want them getting tanned.

Then Kathy files off the excess expertly with her glass minx file.

I am going to select a special lucky lady out of the crowd for a raymi the minxing on the house during my talk this month.

Teacher met me with camera and bikini top cos I knew I’d be sweaty and gross from my run and hyperventilating. I run so hard I see stars, to the point of blacking out in the sun. Everyone I know who runs says they do that too, so stupid and hilarious.

I’m over-privileged.

Can’t wait to wear this AA bikini THIS SUNDAY SEPT 4 are you coming?

SUNDAY NIGHT SALUTE SUMMER ONE LAST TIME! BEACH BLANKET BURLESQUE. GET YOUR BEE HIVES ON BABES! GRAB THAT ZINC AND GINGHAM RETRO TWO PIECE. SEPTEMBER 4 9PM $5 STARRING RAYMI THE MINX, PADDY CAKES AND JASMINE. XOXO

You can see my nail flesh through the decal. BALLIN’!

Another famous minxing. Katy Perry is a huge minx fan too. Google it. This isn’t her.

I bought my friend Leslie a nice show soap from Kathy’s salon. Show soaps is an inside joke we have.

The more I age the more my Kerouac eccentricities come out, weird skinny naked manicuring hahaa.

Mind is obviously being blown.

One satisfied and happy dorky customer later. Speaking of sponsorships, if you want to sponsor me some exercise gear I would be more than happy to represent your brand. This ROOTS number is about to bite the dust, it was a good run. No pun intended. RAYMI@RAYMITHEMINX.COM I find that I am much more confident when wearing appropriate fitness attire and people think I am “doing it right” when I blast by like a looter being chased in futuristic sleek spandex. When I run I hold my water bottle out in front of me like I’m at a casual cocktail party I refuse to get those water bottle waistband grenades. (OMFG HOW MUCH DO I ACTUALLY WANT THEM?)

And look how long my hair is. If you want to get Minxed, hit up Kathy at Heartbreaker Salon located at 889 DUNDAS ST W. just northeast of Bellwoods. Say my name and get a discount and enjoy your tidy little nails for a week as well as not having to do any dishes lol. 416.869.0440

Now I will hunt for all my Minx manicure choices. There’s the ska set, the gator, metallic, pink/black tartan, I can’t remember them all can you?

Nail art is huge right now, it’s worth it to spoil yourself with a hip put together ‘cure, instantly makes you feel great and like a lady. Like, a Minx.