hiya pals. last night found me where i rightfully belong: at the zoo, eating like a pig queen. as it was the annual Seafood for Thought sumptuous sustainable seafood event, read: fancy food, lots of wine and beer, fat cats, foodielite industry, famous chefs, and all the chic cuisine from your favoured and renowned toronto restos.

i was playing for team Cheese Boutique. like last year except this year they housed it on the splashpad, so novel. they learned from the soggy marsh mud slop of last year on the grass (it rained earlier in the day), good on them especially on a day with ominous weather, as such graced toronto last night.

i love your food SO MUCH! haha that’s trista of crush wine bar. we are homies. you saw me there not too long ago for a wine auction. ballin’ place. they must have me to lunch. blaha like i say things like “they must have me”. i like blogging because you get to be schizophrenic.

it was a great hug. not a fan of the wimpy hugs, you can read a person’s soul by how they hug, learn everything about them and their intentions. it’s true. i “know” things. specifically the primal thing you will learn is if this person is phoney or hates you. v important shit to know.

i love me an awkward set-up shot.

so many comedians out there. that little lady rules. hi. we see you. ruling!

i like the chefs that get in your face, doin’ their thing. they see you playing with their plates, hovering, they hone right on in and the car salesman comes out. it is like a dance.

jason, LUMA, expertly snatched the salmon i was about to go in for because its plate had a fuschia edible flower petal on it, he said it wasn’t ready (so was, so perfect) and then he fiddled with it. i found it endearing. then we did the talk, the who are you, oh who am I? it’s funny the chefs that take to you and the ones that don’t. they are in their element and peak performance. buzz is in the air and palpable energy. i pay way too much attention.

albert of le select bistro. we will meet again. we will eat again. where’s waldo?

i assumed (wrong) that my colleague would photograph the names of all the things i ate once the first time around that i requested it but i guess you cannot teach OLD dogs new tricks and as usual i am surrounded by idiots. anyway the point is i can’t remember what this was and i am trying to lay blame. i am too busy flirting here to take notes. see my flirting skills? talking with my mouth full, sandwiched by an obnoxious statement and a vanna white smile wheel of fortune wave goodbye. this kid goin’ places.

ed’s ceviche from globe/earth bistro. i’ve featured his restaurant before.

it’s on the danforth you should check it out it’s like a where the wild things are magical fantasyworld. i am making the awesome face above because a dirty double entendre was made and neither of us were man enough to push it further but both knew precisely what was up. hahaha. not to be scrutinizingly incredible or anything but how neat is it that my thumb nail matches the ceviche on my plate? and can someone explain to me the science behind how citrus juice cooks raw fish.

scallops urrywhere. you eat these like oysters. when i went over to the stingrays i said HEY i just ate some of your friends! pet pet!

ok lets do this.

down the hatch.

tutti matti maven, chef alida solomon was a moment when i knew (for once) the right thing to say. hi i’m a blogger. doesn’t give a – so i say, but i’m an OLDSCHOOL blogger. i said i knew you guys don’t need us (they don’t) but if you did, i’m the one. so we shit talked social media for a little bit until i won her over. i am like an oldschool chef. however, industry dinosaurs out there, your messenger conduit (that is i) will give you this one free consult courtesy and once only: you must adapt along with society. not expect it to adapt to you. that goes for everything in life. we saw an old man walking on the highway yesterday and i knew it was because he was cellphoneless and his car broke down. burn. total croney and it looked so dangerous. mom can you make nana and papa get a cellphone?

sea theme flowers.

look there is something worthy of pointing at! i am probably saying can you take my picture straddling the walrus before we go? i am not meeting any more chefs unless you agree.

haha nope it was the moment i spotted lucas. that guy is my brother so i knew within a half sec he was gong-showed.

this is us communicating. i am like, WTF are YOU doing here? accusatory facial expression (this also happened at the grid launch party).

i have the power to terrify people into thinking they are in trouble and here comes the punishment. the guy beside lucas is saurav someone i’ve known since i was 16!

then we meet in the middle so i can hiss whisper some more unnecessary chastising expletives, i am like his second wife i guess slash sister. it was just a really funny moment to see him all tom hanks in BIG at this event, on MY turf like he materialized a la star trek. i could tell he was having a good time and i liked that.

oh, but, i didn’t even want to talk to lucas, i wanted to talk to saurav instead. this is a picture of your ass gettin’ nexted.

doesn’t it look like every single person is watching my soap opera? or it would if you could see anything, no time to colour correct lighting.

when you meet old friends again they are messengers of time’s passing. feels like just yesterday and all that. good to reconnect. he thought i wouldn’t recognize him. i never forget a face.

ONE OF THSE THINGS JUST DOESN’T BELONG HERE!

there’s my other buddy lora from ruby watch co and delicious tuna melts holy crap i am starving all over again.

team ruby are sweethearts i really admire them.

one of my favourite things i consumed and it was getting near the end too. get one while you can.

you’re doing it wrong. but, wearing a picnic table cloth to an eating event sure was right.

see what the weather did to my hair? i also got a cut, brennen blended my cowlick into a slight layer and gave me a trim.

black cod? i wonder how high my mercury levels are today.

here’s the moment my star f*cker cards come out, it’s me and a top chef, andrea nicholson-jack. we jived big time.

she dug my tat. i talk blocked her.

i wandered and roved the splashpad from stall to stall mooching as much as i wished.

i stalked where’s waldo, whom i fixated upon and recognized from last year. same get-up too. he let me take his photo then as well. such an eccentric! i love party stand out weirdos.

i was too shy this year though. i wore boots cos i didn’t want to be standing in soppy mary jane wedges but they were smarter this time around. it was cool to be walking with a glass of wine into willy wonka-esque raised waves and peaks no wonder lucas was trashed, such a scene. wild wild wild. good call you guys. i hope it’s in the desert area next year. very african outback, it would feel like a vacation and you can see elephants.

i got the dregs of the wine stations, i didn’t think i drank all that much but i am hung right now so i guess i did? didn’t eat all day so maybe it was that too. i am coasting on steam and cuckoo fumes if i am lucky i will have a heart attack.

holy colour cohesion! again with the minx nails.

i didn’t understand what i was doing with this dip until about halfway. it’s not soup. i was trying to drink it. no wonder they were staring.

stop whining.

i liked these chicks we had a nice gabfest. they were overseeing this station and 1000% contributed to my hangover. loved my dress too. you meet so many people they can’t remember if you met already or how you know one another (if i’ve been by resto) i say we’re associated via Cheese Boutique, they nod then get it and i add yeah we are all sleeping together. not as awkwardly as it comes across in the written form i swear.

watch it there.

this party was awesome by the way. lucas said so too. he wouldn’t shut up about it in fact and i didn’t even ask or care what he thought ahahaha.

i see cb merch everywhere.

very determined. i didn’t have any chocolate fountain this year. watchin’ my figs.

wahh.

lets hit the stingrays.

but pretend to listen to this speech first. hey guy, i am featuring the party. you also don’t want to know the politics behind it.

you have to check your drink at the door (of the stingray exhibit) but i went all nightclub nervous and pounded it instead. no i didn’t, we had a chat first.

show time. i go, are they ready for me? i love f-ing with people. the boys go YEAH! it’s funny because stringrays are stupid and don’t know anything so how could they possibly be ready right? i am a joke explainer now that is my new thing. merkley would understand. or arran.

i knew i was going to want to tweet brag a live photo but it would be difficult with wet hands and a purse so i stuffed my blackberry in my bosom.

more flash all the time. like today you know where. i am tired of my moonbeams. i look like the witch from sailor moon or something.

oh i just remembered i did get one criticism from stacey mckenzie afterall: dead eyes. bahaha. i did that when i was walk nervous. this is a mid-blink ghost example.

see how the camera adds 25 pounds? crash diet!

the barbs have been removed. we discussed steve irwin. i was like, of all the animals to die by, a stingray? didn’t see THAT coming. she said if he was pierced anywhere but his heart he would have survived. that’s true he was attacked by all kinds of animals and poisonous snakes. rip budday. also ryan dunn too

baby hammerhead. it’ll grow to four feet. and that is when i crapped my pants. haha kidding.

there was a part of the pool where they all rushed through, a throughway, passageway and your hands were unavoidable. it became like a game. it was pretty cool.

holy shit look how close to the stingray tail my hand is GAH!!

last year there was way more splashing going on. they do that when you spook them and try to pet their triangle sides, fins, flaps whatever they’re aliens to me and belong at sigourney weaver’s house. or womb.

cool moisture humidity in the air toronto thanks.

we were party debbies, last to leave. paris hilton faux paus. haha like she has faux paus! what is the plural for paus?

that polar bear was begging for it.

i was waiting for everyone to clear out to get my moments with the north pole pals.

classy people coming through make way.

but we’ve only just met, i don’t typically kiss in the first second.

holy in lust much ew gross, me.

my vision was stare down then run away. it didn’t exactly come out as hoped.

then my neck got very cold. it was the north pole afterall.

can you see the part behind me where the white line comes into the blue? that’s a shelf/dip in the pad. try navigating that in boots and wine. people were tripping all over the place it was pretty funny. noel would have loved it. i am in mega pain from my work out right now so i am swearing all over the place i apologize. the russian nightmare is trying to do stockholm syndrome on me and transplant me into the kgb. ps. that is a joke i don’t know if shit like that is kosher online when clearly i am an idiot and full of baloney but now i am picturing self fulfilling prophecies and V for Vendetta and Salt. thank you hollywood.

no, john, i am the walrus.

finally an accurately skinny photo. this dress makes you look preggers, thought the shop keeper was at first then i looked at it more and saw she was skinny so be careful how you pose and stand.

hi thanks and one for my colleague and boyfriend, and colleague goes i’m not her colleague so he got one too hahaha.

throw on the teeth and see what happens, this is it all going down.

when we walked in with bags of bread these guys say who are you feeding? i said, the geese. i am witty. i saw geese covertly wandering all over on our way in, obvious probable nuisance and top enemy supreme of security, nemesis to the core. they paused then got it as i ruby gingham skipped on through smiling over my shoulder. is it mean to break hearts every 3 seconds?

speaking of nemesi, here comes one now. mine. from last year.

mexican stand off time.

she won. hands down. owned it.

haha lucas. see how scared i am.

it’s cos i don’t trust myself. i envision picking her up for a squeeze. there are various and obvious ways in which that plays out.

but now i know peacock feathers contrast gorgeously with red gingham. thanks! well i already knew that, had a gingham shirt and peacock necklace pairing going strong for awhile there. how insensitive and unethical is this post despite the food event cause is sustainable food. (not dragging massive nets through oceans destroying habitats).

satisfied partiers. the ride home was hilarious. full of conspiracy theories and s-talk.

OH NO THEN WE WERE SHRUNKEN DOWN TO ANT SIZE! to be continued…