cleanse day 3

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feeling better today and great actually. it’s going to be 19 yay!

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i’m buying a new outfit later, after brunch. fun fun.

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jeanette says you can get this big bag of sunflower greens delivered, 18 bucks. pretty decent. can’t stop thinking about them, some were in my fresh salad last night.

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view from the east end. the rooftop across the way is pretty neat, too cold to spend much time out there spying on it all though.

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i’m grappling with my body lately (clearly obviously and always) but i am more accepting of a bit of a bigger look (conditionally) once in awhile, if in the right outfit. bonnie women are coveted by men, older men specifically (not the weirdos though) to have meat on your bones can look good for sure, in the face too, makes you look younger. fat can be useful. my mom said when you age if you lose weight it just makes you look tired and older. truth. so you have to do it gradually. i’ve yo yo’d weight on and off like crazy and i always notice it right beneath my eyes. anyway this photo is just a pervy close-up, i hate close ups especially when i smile cos then i am all face and i usually have bits of wild hair all over so then it’s like fat beaming face and yeah, just fat. but to dudes, this is exactly what they want. drives me mad.

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she’s all, the cleanse doesn’t start til tomorrow. so i pretty much starved myself all day for nothing. fantastic. hook me up with some salad please and don’t bother with the feta i am serious about beginning restrictions stat.

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here’s where it all kinda starts to sink in.

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let me introduce you to my present hell. there are multiple possible reasons as to why i haven’t gone yet aside from day one. a lot of it is psychosomatic for sure, i can no longer blame cramping on my iud now that that thing is gone so i have to face the music, DO i possibly have a food allergy or something? why do i become phenomenally bloated more than a week ahead of my period? is it genetic? women on my mom’s side of the fam have the propensity to turn into bowling balls in the stomach. the amount of fluctuation i experience over the course of a month is just retarded and for someone who blogs incessantly i am certain it is annoying and boring as ever to hear every month. i don’t normally eat fruit and yesterday i made shakes so. blah.

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the monster refuels.

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woah i was pretty serious about this salad.

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i had seconds too.

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this is the morning after pill i wake up to and then take again at night. SEVEN TIMES. with tons of water. i am bloated all day long. FUN. i need to buy a mumu for tomorrow seems like that is what my outfit is going to be.

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intestinal drawing formula capsules – soothes and lubricates – draws and eliminates toxins from the entire intestinal tract, pleasant, and that’s not even about the movement pills i am also taking. i would advise you not to try any of what i am doing unless under the guidance of a cleanse coach, but it’s a free country so haha good luck.

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these are my blue socks. this is me wearing them.

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eating and listening. stress eating maybe.

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i am a champ. it’s true. i can and will do anything.

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more listening. seriously. this is a serious thing.

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going over the guide now. it’s four pages. seems daunting but isn’t.

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what’s more daunting is giving up your social life. you get over it eventually. you realize how much you live how hard and fast and you consider everyone you know and what they’re up to and fuck there’s 52 weeks in the year it is ok to drop off for two of them.

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jeannette is super cute and spacey and smart and her nails are impeccable. good genes and good living proves itself. her teeth too? oh my god don’t get me started, perfect and beautiful. i am a teeth snob can you tell? fingernails too, and ankles hahaa i also have nothing but disdain for ill-fitting leather jackets. i should just write a loooong list of NO’s.

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then when i’m done all my pills i take these, at the end of the cleanse or week one, i’m still not done there’s more and then i can only have liquid food. that’s where the real work begins. so uh, this part, isn’t work?

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no i never stop.

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those are my between meals pills. like better than any salad in toronto could give you all the nutrients in the universe. so, why then, don’t people just eat pills for food, so much more efficient right. the monkey wrench is that whole lifestyle thing, how fun is it going to dinner at your favourite restaurant to be greeted with a plate of pills to swallow with water. buh-oring.

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we are dependent on food for so much more than just eating and consuming it. it’s the entire experience surrounding the food, absolutely. even with boozing too, buying an outfit for the bar you’re getting sloshed at that night, getting ready, pre-drinking with buds. all the time involved in that hour spent at wherever FOR that hour could be days and when you don’t have to socialite anymore then you have so much extra free time to annoy and irritate yourself and everybody around you. what do you do?

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so, to summarize, the mental hurdles involved in a cleanse-gradual-fast, are epic, and you are too weak for that apparently according to my comments. i knew i could do this (pre-bragging) because i already took on my scheduled personal training workouts, i thrive on challenges, mental, physical, i am image obsessed (we’ll come back to this later on) and focused so it matters what goes in me and how many jumping jacks i do. we are dealing with a person who has never really restricted themselves before and if they did they sought out alternate avenues to satiate thy inner demon. i could never go to an ashram. i would love to, but i could never be one of those REAL minimalists that pompous a-holes like to parade around as. yes total minimalist with that $8k weird sofa in the middle of your spacious empty loft you just had to have to, what why again? sounds like a need fulfillment right there plus all your shit is in a storage locker anyway. or at your mom’s. what i’m saying is, i got lotsa ISSUES dudes and i am coming off alcohols and caffeine (constant headache from this) and food (yet totally bloated) and i just want to take a s—! please!