brain go slow

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day 2 of cleanse and i’m about as smart and creative as i’ve felt when in a deep depression, not too swift on the uptake of anything right now. i went to bed at 9.30pm, the eve of a statutory holiday, no party for this girl. i am a crabby psycho bitch and time is going really real slow. why the hell does this have to happen at chocolate time? (easter) i’ve never obsessed about food longer or more than i am right now. my caffeine withdrawal headache went away but now it’s back again and i think i might be getting sick? though i might have invented that, i did have the chills last night for a bit and have them now. all kinds of interesting things are to come out of me pretty soon. am i even doing this right? i’m pretty schizophrenic at the moment, that’s what cleansing does to you. thoughts and emotions all over the place. no i cannot and will not come to whatever fabulous thing is going on tonight sorry, said in most gritchy tone ever. you have to be social though otherwise you will just go insane. so we’re going to comedy tonight lets see how funny people are when i am sober. i am so fun bobby, it’s terrible. yesterday i learned that i cannot moke-say the eed-way to deal as there’s no caffeine to cut the burn out with which is why i was comatose by 9. total wiener. i need to think outside the box more, think like a fitness freak, a healthy person, what do they actually do with themselves all day long?

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the teacher is home cos of good friday and i am trying to abuse him as little as possible. he is steaming my broccoli. he is doing it wrong. i would have done it myself but i have very little energy you see, what reserves i’ve got are there for whining moaning complaining pouting phantom crying and opening and closing the fridge while sighing profusely. he also had the audacity to go mmmm and smack his lips after a sip of coffee. i am pretty close to going on a holy war tirade about cigarette smoking too. fine. run away to your cigarette your crutch to get through life, blindly. i’ve been planning it in my head for days now hahaha. his not drinking out of solidarity with me last night lasted under an hour, some vodka made its way into his 7up. who drinks 7up anyway are you eleven? did we steal change from mom’s purse and ride bikes to the part of town we’re not allowed to go to yet to get it? haHHa ok broccoli’s ready see when i sees ya.

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more torture. when you go to the deli have your meat cut into big slabs then cube it up and voila, super fun and easy meat source stirfry injection.

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homemade special habanero from nick. super hot. the best. i’m holding off on the heat for the next little bit i don’t want it coming out of me super hot and fast if you know what i mean.

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teacher bought me another bouqet yesterday when he went on a metro run. it’s widely known that with me “he is fucked” because i am an intoxicating trophy pill. his friends and colleagues have all said they’ve never seen him behave in such a manner before with a person. we have a good laugh over that. it’s funny to me just that, i had this hyperly (by my own doing) exposed relationship before and i painted him like a saint and myself like a crazy, like i am this difficult person to be with for 5 years and i don’t know why i did that. i am quite lovely, or was, now that i think back on it. now though? freak show maybe. the point is there are these special little things about me that if you get to experience them, “you are fucked”.

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i’m a terror and a monster and lovely, charming. pretty much every single range you could think of. i am relaxed and free. comfortable. teacher says he no longer reads my blog scared, as if another date will pop up. i haven’t been dating, i never said it was gonna stop but, for the moment i’m fine just doin’ this thing. i can’t conceivably date during a two week cleanse now can i? i broke my first cleanse attempt over summer, three days in come night i decided to hit up cafe taste. i let this guy pay for all of it. 1. lives in markham 2. shorter than what he said on his profile. it’s like guys don’t know how to measure or something, i swear. i wanted to punch him in the face. he’s like don’t break your fast for me, ok lets go out then. like what, i’m going to hang around a park with your short arse? get fucked! i am getting really angry right now haha.

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see the bouqet is fuller now? that’s me crazy cooking last night, was supposed to go to farmer’s market, didn’t. etc so on so needed food i COULD eat.

pray for mojo.

oh.

in honour of easter, how did jesus pick up so many chicks?

he was HUNG LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIIS.

Peace be with you!