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haay paaaaaaaaaaaals!

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here is what my monday looked like. i am WAY leaner since this. it still floors me to look at them though as i haven’t had a chance to yet so you’re gonna get live actual reactions and zero bullshit. ok, maybe a little bit of bullshit. we do what we can right?

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as you can see, i look like shit. if i photographed what i looked like each morning i think i would kill myself, or the internet would have a field day. however, this is reality. i think i mighta said to colleague no close ups ok? fuck this might even be from this monday i think it is actually, my brain is so scattered AGHHHHHH.

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ok i just looked at the date, yep this is my monday following getting ripped all weekend long in burnoutington. so spent. i haven’t even had the chance to go through my burnoutington photos yet, just one thing after another. not complaining. just releasing it out into the world so i can get the poison out and perform more efficiently.

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here i am warming up with the russian nightmare. his dreams of training his beloved blond gazelle (with mysterious facial ancestry in the face) finally came to fruition.

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we twirled our hips. this is the move i always snicker at when i see the trainers doing it but it’s great to loosen you up except there is nothing much loose about a thick russian accent you can barely decipher, what, are those even words? i think he is a mumbler. he is very very nice though don’t get me wrong but it’s not going to stop me from analyzing him up and down.

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they all make fun of my shorts there so it gives me a complex about wearing them. not this day though as i was thin as a whippet. all my clothes are shrinking. beeeeach ready. almost.

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i wish i could do a back flip.

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i’m doing pin wheels here. ha no i mean windmills. excuse me, retard crossing. beep beep.

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michelle tanner at 28. speaking of…

chicks with steve buscemi eyes hahaha. sorry you can’t unsee that. some really good ones.

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chicken dance knee wobbling 360 degree rotation.

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i am way mature.

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wow i look haggard. pretty much nil makeup. anyway look it’s walter my lifestyle challenge work out party for the day. i am proud of him he has the best attitude and is dead set on results, pushes himself too. russian nightmare corrected me on my lunges and showed me how and to lunge deeper and it hurt so much i HATE lunges i have given up on co-ordination with them i look like a sloppy loser but now that i know the correct form i’ll do them right.

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haha nice potato nana face. see how i am mentally checking out. have to at certain points of your session, go zen and just DO IT don’t give up okee dokee.

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if you need to talk a little shit to get through, by all means.

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andrew has a cool arm sleeve. i told him about watching the biggest loser and how it’s like as big as survivor ow, they went to new zealand (beautiful!) and made the fatties run up the stairs to the top of that huge whatever version of the cn tower they have over there and then they jumped off. 1027 steps. easy i could do that. even one fatty was like wow i realized i was in shape halfway up. that’s amazing. i want to climb the cn tower how do i do that? also how many steps is it i am too lazy to google someone tell me in the comments thank you.

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andrew said he’s going to watch the show too now to motivate the dudes more. i said we should be surprised with a taped episode and watch it together in the kidz360 and i would like to say have a pizza party but that is kind of (totally) counter-productive.

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ten pounder there. i can do 15 too. love it. haha and my mom thinks she is stronger than me.

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should i get her and lois in here?

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plank the tank. ha. oh see anthony showed up yay. dan was also absent. mmhmm. this is why i gave walter seven minutes in heaven afterward. join my raymi rewards program and you too can cash in hehhheh. sorry i am charlie sheening right now i have infinity deadlines. real and imagined.

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you should see me speed through around the world. i say i’ll do a video of my top five best exercises. the ones that are most fun to watch at least.

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halfway through you remember your core and you fire the shit out of it cos this is a hard move on your arms and while you’re down there you’re like i may as well get the full benefit of this torturous movement. you go 360 one way then the other way around.

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some are better than other sat it. i was terrible at first but i got better and better. i hope this is motivating some of you lazy arses out there.

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dying and flying. if i hate something i just do it as fast as possible. like how i one day walked into a bear, an actual black bear (it was a teenager but STILL!) because i was hungover and overheated in the woods power-walking ahead of everyone on this hike and i wanted it over and done with asap but i knew it was a long one, almost 2km in and the same back again. so i speed walk right into a bear like two shitty toyotas apart and i was still motoring as we had met and realized the other’s presence. we stood and looked each other in the eye and both pussied out, i turned right back on my heels and SPRINTED like kanye west in the runaway video (like a psychopath) back into my ex and his cousins and they’re all oh what’s up so caj with their walking sticks and i sputtered out like john candy in the great outdoors bb-b–bb-BEAR! then they all did a ready to fight stance and held their sticks like bats we all grabbed something for a weapon and started cracking the branches together to make loud noises to let all wildlife know we were there, which is what we should have been doing all along. if i had walked right into that bear, i dunno man, i was pretty out of shape then and exhausted from our hike and sweaty. the fear adrenaline it put in me though. dad are you scared? ok so the point of that was next time i am speed walking because i am hating my hike (which i now wouldn’t because i am a fitness freak i cannot wait to go on hikes this spring/summer) is the same as me getting through around the world on that ball. just push yourself and shut up and take it because it is the opposite attitude you’ve been taking your entire life which is what has made you fat in the first place. got it? great.

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i look like i am in a coma

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a sweaty skinny little coma.

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sexy eyes blinking independently of the other coma. definitely svelte now. sorry but The Motion Room‘s results are undeniable. even alyssa is getting twiggy in the torso. maybe i’ll get down to vintage clothing sizes petite. hope so. today james said well yeah you ARE in your final months/weeks of it so i’m about on par, could be better if i wasn’t such a drankaholic foodielist right. but i augmented my diet and finally am being good about it, today after i hit publish i’m going on a wild eating spree (again) and tomorrow i begin a cleanse/fast. so tonight is the actual last night of being bad.

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go walter yeah yeah. this is part of the secret to having such a toned back that i have that i never ever had before.

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anthony has work outs the same time i do so i see him all the time, hear him rather, grunting and groaning through it thrice weekly. pullin’ for him.

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i am neurotic over these and kind of scared of the ball going away and falling on my tailbone. because i am a fitness gym rat and in strength phase we added a move to it with the ball over my head, great for triceps which i am obsessed with toning.

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then we got in trouble for something apparently (even though i was doing my moves and correctly) and had to do a brick. is that what it’s called? anyway it’s squats together.

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it looks harder than it was. i didn’t get much out of it well maybe i did i dunno. i was just trying to hold on.

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dear god, please please please don’t let this ball fly out away from us. it could be disastrous.

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we did it ten times?

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we needed a fourth look at those lazy ass trainers just laughing at us.

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look at walter’s face the whole way through. guy is serious.

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i was hiding how easy it was for me.

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it was shower day for sure, my hair was all partied out from the weekend. hey it’s monday gimme a break here.

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cross overs i love them.

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i think i love soccer too. i’m kinda good you know. scrappy nimble, i hail from streetsville.

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come to mama.

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is that the eight or fifteen pounder?

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this is when anthony called me a princess cos i clapped my hands and bellowed COME ON PLANK LETS GO NOW I GOT SHIT TO DO. instead of fireballing a laser at him i just simply went THAT’S RIGHT! when he said ok princess. haha.

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i enjoy perfecting the plank too. your washboard stomach will be thanking you.

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surf’s up dewds.

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wonder if the boys like working out with me more or not.

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i think i’d make a good trainer i know just the right amount of abuse recipe to motivate people, remember mom i trained you once? it worked no?

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no different from normal except from this you will get results.

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then you do it allll over again.

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more assertively and aggressively if you can, and you can, and WILL because now you’re in the zone, you’re a dominator and you want to exceed the first set’s performance.

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i like these.

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i need to buy more underwear, thongs specifically. i can see my underwear outline slightly.

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teaching me to lunge better, the russian nightmare makes contact with his liaison.

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what does crew d mean??????

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gave me a little extra as i am in strength (less reps, more weight).

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so that was fifteen and now this is 20.

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someone’s dying but that’s good, it means they are trying.

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you can see my shirt imprint. i think these are 25’s now? i am STRONG!

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all kinds of weird faces come out of you to lift those beasts.

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i was lifting them all on my own.

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such a beast.

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then i wanted more.

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then i was like, that is enough.

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lateskies!