some photos may or may not load just reclick/refresh a billion times they’ll work eventually.

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ready for some meet the griswalds level sh*t?

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quite the time was had yesterday. the decorations went over well and added a special mania ingredient and overall effect. soundtrack to dysfunction by. my brother loved it. i kinda spoiled the surprise the night before by texting a few pics (NOT of the whole scene) and he said it made him wake up earlier yesterday for it. my dad said 8.30am! i made christmas for my brother. it’s true. the balloons were like a rainbow beachball christmas tree plant.

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nana and papa came. my dad talked to ed (papa) about ol jackie kerouac and why the various family spellings of it, kerouac vs. kirouac. blah bla etc snore. these ears matched this tracey shirt perfectly. nana was like do you want to brush your hair before your boyfriend gets here i turned over my shoulder as i walked away and said NO THANK YOU NANA! i was fuming. i didn’t have time to brush my bloody hair because i was too busy planning decorating preparing everything right up until my brother came then i got gunned with him on champagne. i remembered britt on thanksgiving looked over her shoulder to me as she beat potatoes (she is mental) that i should’ve seen her up until we arrived she looked like a beast ghoul psychopath? how did you describe it again? anyway i felt like a nightmare mother yesterday.

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mom was the perfect letting off steam vessel. she thinks she had me here but we both know she could feel my strength and therefore surrendered defeat. i gave her maybe a quarter of what i could’ve given. try me, i’m a greek olympiad now. what the hell is that movie called, 300? i am him. i never saw the movie just the spoof of it and the ad.

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hailey’s new obsession is the beatles now i bet my mom is super thrilled about that ahahaha. i look like blond micheal jackson which is what i was going for.

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alison got shawn this wicked airplane and we then reverted further into childhood. this is teacher launching it over the neighbour’s fence. bet that felt great.

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nana tried to take off to catch the masters during shawn’s opening of presents and i publicly snitched on her so she sat on my lap. hey nana your FIRST BORN GRANDCHILD is THIRTY TODAY and he’s opening PRESENTS on this once in a lifetime milestone occasion where are you going, to watch golf?

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i took her down. her little photo publicity stunt backfired on her pretty much immediately.

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i have no idea what is going on here. something is funny.

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mom if we don’t like our arms why must you insist on highlighting them with these stupid oprah shirts that cut off at the shoulders???

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this is not as it looks, i got out of her pity jump and tackled her.

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look how easy i make it look. my strength is total and awesome.

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love it.

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the brown ears kept their chocolate scent all day but i notice dissipated by night’s end. i made shawn take them home. hailey is in the cool stage now, attitude. shawn’s like she hurt my feelings by going “pfft” to me in the car! hahahahah. awwww. payback sucks eh. she does it to me too, so funny.

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aaaaaamazing! requires no explanation right?

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soldiers down by 5.30 awesome. start’em early end ‘em early.

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speed reader too.

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guess who did it.

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i was like no, put those shitty candles away to my dad clutching these modest pink (pink? really dad?) candles at the party store, we are getting proper fancy candles.

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my family is also similar to trailer park boys with a sprinkling of, alf?

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oh rocky awwwww. my little prince. he loooves me. he’s my little shadow.

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don’t all concubines have a little runt animal that follows them around everyplace they go? yes i think so. rocky came up to me alone in bed saturday morning and we played cat in the cave and he wanted to burrow even further deeper in there with me. i’ve heard differing opinions of cats and memories but i think this guy does remember me when i’m not around or come back again. he’s ten now. my mom still call’s him “she” which is unfixable.

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look my posture is amazing now, i am so much more graceful and less lurchy. thanks tmr.

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do we really need to revisit this one again mom?

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mary lynn and hailey had teacher crushes. well not so much hailey. i love mary lynn. blond up there at the top i am strangling in one photo. i have a photo of holding her when she was a baby. i’ll find it.

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look how my right foot looks. retarded black leather potato. i styled this photo of hailey.

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i told linda to harass me if i try and eat any of these. to humiliate me. she said her and shawn go fatty like chocolate? cos they’re both trying to lose weight. after awhile you just tell them to go fuck themselves and eat one anyway. linda’s son harassed me the most though and it worked.

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haha look at my face that’s crazy eye a la steve zissou aka i am going to put you through a wall face. i could feel her frailty so i didn’t go mental i just let her chicken bone arms wobble mine up in the air a little. see how i am gripping her wrist and see how important this is to me, like, this is my news of the day on my blog? hahaa. see how teacher is looking away and how much we give a shit? i told him this was only just scraping the family dysfunction surface you haven’t met the rest of the kerouacs yet. he said multiple people told him “good luck” on sunday. HA HA. ah. meh.

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oh yeah we’re also part animal house. very belushi. yah yah! vive le belushi.

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it was such a beautiful day much like today why the hell am i indoors!?

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blog hits go down when the weather gets warm and go up again come summer so you have to try harder. i know i kill everyone in traffic but if mine dips minimally then i know for sure others must be screwed. you know what else goes down? MY MOM!

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kay mom this is humiliating for the both of us. i think i get more phone calls, emails, mentions about reality shows whenever i feature my family. i have no idea why that is.

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meanwhile normal shit be happenin’.

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a example of why mary lynn is awesome. so clever. she littered their house with print outs of rongo starr apparently the worst artist rendering of ringo on the internet. see how beatlemania infects other families though? mary lynn is bob’s daughter, my dad’s buddy of over 40 years, since high school. big part of the burnoutington chapter, he and his wife erin, who also rules. we have a good little unit out here.

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i feel angelina jolie permanently wears these type of shades. am i right? and brad copies her? is he banging some younger co-star? i saw it on a magazine at the supermarket. please confirm.

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i love this photo mom.

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this too of course. giz is the same age as shawn. i gave her a 30th candy to go. bob was rippin’ on me that 30 is just around the corner for me too. arg! i’m like dad keep all these decorations then you can save 20 dollars. everything all in cost me 50 bucks to decorate. not bad.

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and a fifty plus copy of esquire. last year i bought him wallabees. he should call them casino shoes cos he only wears them at niagara hahaha. weddings too maybe? i want my brother to dress like a metrosexual. don’t think linda could handle it. thank god he dresses eminem phewf. always dress for the position in society you want to be not what you are. that’s why i dress like a sultan.

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this shirt is not at all flattering, my mom has huge cans so she gets bigger shirts then they just look dumpy and make me look fat. anyway this photo still has to go up.

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nana asked how i was, insinuating that i was not feeling fine, mentally. which means my mom is talking shit behind my back about how i might be a stressed out mental case or something which is fine because i am it’s because i am non-stop working and achieving mom thanks but my nana’s lips quivered when i went, “why!?” then she asked where the teacher was so i was like fine i’ll invite him then. i was on edge all weekend and yes i am hyper-sensitive. i am used to little nana-isms coming at me. she took down shawn too he went in for a sit to try and get her to talk about me but she only nana’d him then he came out fuming ahhaha HAHAHA!

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oh baby rocky i wuv wuv wuv you. yes this is happening right meow. leave me alone.

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oh my god hailey you are so cool.

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linda send me your pics!

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plaid brigade (mom’s insistence, love it) and that babe in the middle is erin.

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who was even taking these? haha.

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can’t remember who did this. we got a ladder. everyone was blasted. it was hilarious.

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see my little archway?

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aaand so on.

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i brought this over so i could be the center of attention too.

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i gave hailey the duty of putting the candles on but then wigged her out by saying there are SO many ways to do it. in the end she did it her own original way. impressive. i love her creativity. can you picture me as a teenager with her as a baby lying in bed with me and playing her my jewelry box tinkly music to get her to stop crying and we would nap together or i would pass out from exhaustion cos i’d already been up doing homework after hanging with ward after work after school etcetera? i’m gonna get misty eyed.

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this got us all ripped. loosened the bitchy right out of me. haha see my glass? dad was like we have to do this outside and i go dad please i have much experience opening these it will just go right into this glass here. he opened it perfectly.

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yellow on blond, brown on brown, perfect no?

ok flickr is fucked i have other things that need attention right meow.

xoxox hosers!

love you shawny happy 30th!