we weren’t meant to behave like we do in the grave

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yesterday was oh so magical. lookit me. i was born for ornate marble elegance. i look like i’m about to tap my way into your cold dead hearts.

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or tap dance my way down stairs and drink martinis out of those funny retro glasses the ones strip tease chicks slosh around in. mmm yeah that’s the life.

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and i was meant to sit and wait patiently for my hot euro scarf wearing husband with our 3 kids and my collagen injected matriarch lips. ok i’m just going to go in the order my mom has these on facebook.

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my mom went on and on about the opera yesterday i was pretty impressed that she has the attention span for it at all. she must be thinking about other stuff at the time though.

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mmm i looove mercatto. they’re expanding and branching out how do i get in on that? i stared at this one guy like i had staring problems while waiting for my moms to show up. i think he was the owner. i became very shy when they all rubbernecked me once i pulled my camera out after taking pics of the buildings outside so i didn’t take any i let my mom do it. i was really wound up yesterday. this is the burrata and beet salad. yuh-um.

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mom is sick. had a tea and grand marnier. two of them. oh yeah. i was cocked by the time they showed up off one sip of chianti. part of why i didn’t want to take any more pics to draw attention to myself.

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see us in the mirror up there?

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nibbled on these while waiting. my mom tore hers open with her teeth i was like, why did you do that you could just open it with your hands? she said oh, not ladylike kind of chuffed, no not my point it’s just, you learn people’s mannerisms when you actually pay attention. it was kind of animalistic, barbaric and funny. she did it without breaking any of the bread sticks that were so totally delicate and fragile.

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i am kind of adorable here no? i’m having a vodka soda so that means this is during intermission of course i was wondering if there was even going to be an intermission cos the first act was soooo long. i didn’t get to pee cos of the massive lineup i chose a drink over the line. lois went though, she is so polite, waiting at the end. i grabbed her and walked her cutting in front of thirty women and plonked her at the head. zero people noticed. win.

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teacher asked me if i thought i was masculine last night after i showed off how i walk sometimes, my strut. my vibe. he said there are elements to me that are masculine maybe, aggression, can be taken as masculine. there was another word too. meh. yeah i’m kind of tomboyish.

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some men have less testosterone, some have more. some women get a little too i think, or a little less estrogen? part of it is nurture too, i have an older brother so that is who i naturally mimic or imitate as a kid, i had all male cousins, and all the women in my family are bitches. haha kidding. no they’re all pretty dominant, type a personalities. yeah my mom was definitely not a wall flower.

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mom 2 is awesome, so sweet but i can see there are more layers to her as i get to know her better. she lets out these little revealing personal factoids, which is helpful. she knows how to read between the lines of my blog writing, very decent. i leave tons of breadcrumbs all over the place this is like a csi-enthusiast’s wet dream and new year’s eve for trolls world wide web wide.

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slammed that pose right out tha mawfuhckin ballpark i did.

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pretty.

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i look like a big black potatobug. some man called my mom a cougar last night as she bobbled on by i heard and looked back and they looked scared. lois heard it too. didn’t tell mom til a bit further on. i felt bitchy all day so i didn’t want to make more bitchy happen so i didn’t flip out on him. she looked hot and had lots of cleavage and a leather coat beige polkadot shirt, total coug ground zero outfit what do you expect? also what would i have done, that never ends well. oh did you call her a cougar? yes, yes we did sorry. ok then doot dee doot. ya right.

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lois had crazy high heels on i was nervous a lot but she truckered through awesomely.

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my cab driver over was like what is the deal with moms and daughters and mr. green jeans (resto above mercatto) once i saw mercatto i was like there is no chance in hell we are going to mr. jeans, not now or ever again. i went up the escalator and saw the bummed out expressions on all their staff’s faces, called my mom and was like change of plans girls.

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got away with this one. there is something kind of bath house to this. cool. my second finger is made of titanium that is also pretty baller.

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yes mom i will always be your little angel. why the gay soft effect? ha.

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someone tattled on her for this one and she got told off. we had amazing seats. thanks lois! hug hug kiss!

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another reason i couldn’t pee was cos of my jumper. the show was brilliant. tons of swearing and smoking, made me want to take up smoking again. made me pine for dancing again. maybe one day i’ll get in super super shape and somehow get to perform again. i dunno. if d list stars can do it… one day i’m going to have to leave toronto to make it bigger. groan.

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taking a photo of my wine glass i liked the gold on gold. no i was not busting lines i don’t think anyone could handle a play on blow. though if you could do let me know and good luck with that.

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i can’t remember if i’d ever been inside there before.

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wow face what are you doing now?

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one second wait for sloppy jacket bad posture woman to get out of my way.

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mmmmm.

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birthday gelato. peanute butter caramel and fluff mmmm.

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clams are adorable and remind me of alice in wonderland.

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hot fairy godmother.

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i’m sulking cos she wouldn’t listen to my vision and lois had to break us up ahhahahaha. my mom asked teacher if he would watch a show on us. he goes, yes, i would. oh man. that guy is super fucking popular at his school now with all his stories and photos of his new minxy pal. so, what did you say about me today? mhmm. mhmm. good. i see. nice nice. yep. right. ok, and then what did they say? hahaha.

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this is me waiting for you for forever but still smiling and happy to see you once you finally arrive. vive le chianti.

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cougar crossing.

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arrivederci!

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OMFG i was JUST talking about the secret garden!!!

ps. blog post title is a lyric from one of the songs in billy elliott. i memorized it specially. achievement.