you live twice never

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well hey there pals looks like i’ve raised bit of a stir with the last OPINIONS i expressed on my blog-o thing here. whoops! living outside the box or apart from the normal restraints of society, expectations, blah bla etc look i was born to be a difficult renegade and all i am doing here is living 9 lives at once because it cushions me from reality and hey if i can make it all possible for myself why don’t i then?

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i had a wonderful 24 hours and i had the british guilt the entire time. if everything seems fine then something mustn’t be right. fuck i spend so much time being glum if i ever have the audacity to be like guess what i think i have it pretty good there’s always someone waiting and willing to tell you that that is not ok. you should feel bad. why? i dunno just because! is it not ok with you that i enjoy my life? no?

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this is what i have to say in defense of your telling me i should feel bad about, what exactly? i should feel bad that i don’t feel shame. why should i feel shame? are you a christian? well guess what as soon as the next guy is ready to make a field of raymi bunnies with me i will start feeling bad at all that time i missed out on being young and enjoying life for me. think about that! how obscene to enjoy MY life. for me!? madness!

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i used to have to plan for two people all the time and impress everyone in our circle. i put so much pressure on myself and i still do but now for different reasons. am i greedy? fuck yeah. self-righteous? oh yes. how disgusting am i for focusing on me and doing what i want to do. ok i am tired of this now.

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i’ve done enough “suffering” to know when to count my blessings. i am pretty forthright on the daily, i share my thoughts and feelings with the world and we learn from my successes and failures. i am not hurting anybody other than myself (maybe some guys along the way but that comes with the territory, they treat me like shit too okay) and BLOGGING it.

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when did blogging become illegal exactly?

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you can turn the channel. if you compare me to snooki and some other reality bullshit you are only revealing how into that sort of thing you actually are and to cite stuff about my mother’s twitter feed? yeah, i’d say you’re pretty heavily invested in the whole she-bang, a little obsessively and who’s the unhealthy one here? not only that you’re casting stones and saying hurtful things. i will never be brought down to your level WHEN will this become clear to you people?

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sorry you aren’t as gregarious as me no truly i am but it’s not my fault i have a big mouth and i decided to be enterprising one day and set goals for myself and hustle my balls off to create something that never existed before and maybe one day i’ll make enough money so no one in my family has to work WOW how totally fucking SHAMEFUL of me.

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arran said he was just thinking about being a taker and that he didn’t take enough but he was gonna start doing it. like i didn’t even take anything it is just a concept overall to protect myself from the disaster of having my own feelings hurt time and time again. it’s just being smart. instead of being puppy dog clingy for guys i’ll let them go and if they wanna hang again then that’s fine too. this is actually exceptionally healthy of me to go about it this route, lady. going with the flow is the way to go and then let the cards falls where they may and other stupid metaphors.

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hot tubs at night under the stars and the moon and coyotes tracking the property, steamy mist bohemian smoke off the water yeah that’s pretty good and if any of you have a hot tub then by all means raise your hand like you wouldn’t cut a path straight to one and fill it with a girl like me who has the time to lounge around with you? something we call a no brainer in these parts. the only shame is your shitty comments coming through to me while i was trying to get my wake n bake on this early st patrick’s day morning.

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annoying i know i can’t stop re-addressing. this sign was nicked from liverpool. authentic.

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props were on deck. ivy league snotty girl cooking outfit.

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maybe i am just crazy on power greed or something. you change your whole outlook on shit (it’s been only 24 hours!) and then you just mellow the fuck out. me and the roommates had some back and forth (bills-centric) email-volleys that got a bit heated, it harshed said mellow a little bit but whatever. i have to plunk down hundreds more dollars cos i blog here during the day soaking up all the hydro in the city to my drafty tickle trunk room. oh well. you see it’s not all fantasy fiction you stupid fucking assholes let me have mine kay? shiit dawg i earned this.

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i am without any hint of bragging sheepishness, a totally amazing cook. this is rosemary cumin (or carraway, or maybe both hahaha) chicken and other secret spices and junk, prosciutto, onions peppers mushrooms. we laid it on mesclun and cucumber that i dressed with sriracha olive oil and parm. the leftovers this morning stacked on multigrain and old chedder with egg whites. stepford wifestyles.

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up by 9.

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you can see the hot tub.

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i belong here.

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getting in st. pat’s spirit.

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justin bieber jock bait.

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me as spike lee. this one won on twitter for more views than the biebs did.

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morning coffee.

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raymbo bright le cinnamon girl. we listened to neil young on the way home and i said yeah i guess i’m a cinnamon girl. he said it was like a sugar girl. yep, me.

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ugliest apple in the world and my favourite.

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this is one of those humongous cats.

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stretch interlude during due date. hilarious movie so many good quotes. when he (r downy) hits the kid the little girl looks at him and he goes what? she goes nothing and he goes nothing is right. awesome. and then in this other movie i forget the name of, that steve carrell cartoon thing something of the kid’s gets damaged and he goes oh yeah, that, it was accidentally destroyed maliciously. very clever script.

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out hunting rabbits and then one just appears out of nowhere.

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i won. i am nerd bait incarnate. elders win. i said i had more years experience and it’s not fair, i started in grade one. i revealed my strategy too. i also love risk.

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hot tub time machine.

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that steam view i was waxing poetry on. sigh.

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we watched braveheart too. on st patrick’s day. somewhat fitting. it inspired me to put my rabbit on. there is something backward about me owning this. for fur i will feel shame but it seems like everyone just got over being blowhards over animal rights activism (one cause i definitely am behind for i don’t care about the hypocrisy over eating meat ok so don’t even) it also coincided with the economy bouncing back-ish and then everyone felt comfortable blowing money on baubles and then boom fur is in vogue and no one makes a stink anymore about it we’re allowed to like luxury goods again and flaunt them.

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you can’t take them with you when you go and you can’t spend it when you’re dead so it’s now or never.

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so the moral of the story is, be the best you you can be and if not you have no one to blame other than yourself not the girl blogger, okay. bring those around you up along with you if you can now if you’ll excuse me i have a date with some leiderhosen. i have social anxiety a little today and wearing that thing makes me nervous cos it is an attention soaker. see you at the end of the rainbow bring pot, i’m the gold.

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question of the day: Tony Rebeiro asks: @raymitheminx which alter ego of yourself do you like the most? interested tooo knooow

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hmm. well when i can manage to successfully pull it off i dig my snotty fake rich ice girl hat cos then i can fuck with actual rich people with even easier lives than me if i can inspire a bit of jealousy in someone i am jealous of then that’s great. well not really. it’s actually vile of me and worthy of feeling actual shame over but, meh. there will always be someone better and prettier, more successful and luckier than you so accept it now and be happy with what you’ve got.

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i know that i am a good person and i don’t wrong others i can sleep soundly at night, i know who i am, i am solid. wow it’s like oprah breathed life into my self esteem or something.

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ok bye for real now.