where they go hardcore and there’s glitter on the floor

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hey buddies ol friends ol pals ol chums, how the heck are ya? me? oh fine fine, thanks for asking. this is me an hour ago waiting for the train. what else is new. we STILL do not have our internet fixed. the variety of excuses we’ve received from our internet provider is at this point, actual comedy. remember the other day when i said they think they are comedians? strike that. try, ARE comedians. yesterday’s reason, IT’S TOO DARK BACK THERE (no flashlights!?!??!?!)(!!!!??!?!??) and then this morning THERE’S A TREE (how did you install the shit then!?!) i’m not mentioning their name yet until the problem is once and for all resolved and THEN i will tear them a new one. i realized via dooce’s blog post about maytag that it could be an abuse of power to start slagging and really at the end of the day, they do have us by the balls. we are nothings. i have never felt so homeless and insane like i have the past 3 weeks because of this. one disruption in the cosmos and everything can and for surely will, go to shit. just watch the rest of this post, you’ll see. for my every victory i am met with nine tall-ass hurdles that i can’t jump i just walk through them hitting my forehead into each fucking one. i really won’t be surprised the day i break a bone (knock on wood) get hit by a car (knock knock) you know? as i was sitting on my bed today sighing out loud into the room about having to go annoy everyone at poor john’s for the third day in a row now (wifi) or meet melodie wherever she was at and then click, power in my room goes out. all is dark in the tickle trunk. well, i had many more hours of daylight but i knew that i’d be stuck in the dark, with no internet if i stayed the night, or go out, in search of trouble. i could hang in the other part of the house but i am in the wombat stage of my winter stir crazy marathon of wanting to be in a tiny dark bunker alone until my pmess goes away but then i lost light, and power and heat and it’s freezing. i have a baseboard heater but i wanted to crank the other one cos i’ve had a chill the last two days. just picture me though is the funny part, woe is me down on my luck and then the heater made the funny beep when the breaker blows and the power goes out. what’s next!

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i will just keep rambling if i don’t interrupt with photos. holy buzzkill up there much eh.

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gandalf spicoli oh yeah.

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my newest friends, minx nails oh what a match-made in brand cross-promotional heaven this is gonna be. i loved absolutely everything about my experience being did by kathy (who was summoned to lady gaga’s hotel room when she was in town for the mmvas) was, kind of surreal? magical? yes. totally both those things. icing on the cake? this girl is an old school hardcore girl. i hope she comes to our adventurehouse party i know melodie will adore her and i’ll get left out like the little simpleton sister i get treated like by those two all the time hahaha. by the way i hope YOU come to advhaus party too. salvador darling. 9pm. SHITSHOW. it’s our second one.

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i wanted burberry plaid. i wonder if they will get it or can or if it even exists at all, maybe i hallucinated it? very likely.

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i feel like i have discoball soccerball nails and that the entire universe is looking at me, oh wait it’s because i do and they are. on the go train here i felt like a spotlight was pointed on me. i already look the complete opposite of every single person on the train all the time enough, but add my nice huge steve madden hobo chic bag and wacky laptop bag my hair and look at me vibes, these nails, taking pictures of myself. hahaha. i used to longboard all over the oakville go train station in the summer in my bikini top, good times.

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taught myself how to longboard on the beach strand in los angeles. i was insane. i asked my dad what he thought about charlie sheen right now and he said so what (so right) if he had money he’d be insane too, then he started joke babbling while driving and saying nonsensical shit and i busted up laughing. totally. i wish people wouldn’t grant him interviews right now though, i feel that’s slightly (egregiously) unfair. nancy grace? of course. poor taste pays that woman’s bills yo.

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now that i’ve seen them in action i see that the biggest is the bestest way to do it if this is available to you why would you get a simple design? boring. i want hamburgers and rubies and sparkles and cotton candy tufts little lulu’s candy dreamland cartoon, so ancient that reference is, anyway. cute it up.

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whoopsie-doo. how good was hamburgers and rubies though, i know right.

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reminds me of pravda, absinthe bar in new orleans.

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cutesy props. wonder what the next one to go around for girly songstresses will be? hmmmm. trend forecasting hat on.

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i played in these. remindded me of pee wee herman’s salon in the movie blow, located in manhattan beach where i lived for a month. amazing to stick your head in that window and see the scenes from the movie while kids go by on skinny boards exactly like the knife heartbeats video.

The Knife – Heartbeats from Johannes Nyholm on Vimeo.

it was an interesting time that’s for sure.

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this was an amazing panini. the super nice kid put pepper flakes and some hot powder on it, salami and roast vegetables, spinach. yum. he was really nice. i said i was crazy and liked a lot of heat. then i sat in the sunny window and almost had an anxiety attack from the heat in my black jumper haha. not really but i am so extreme and high maintenance. ridiculous. so is melodie. i joined her over at her desk and put my elbow into my plate and catapulted my sandwich scraps onto my arm, they all stuck, everything else machine gun splatted onto my pants. white sandwich crumbs popping off my black one piece. perfect.

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the guy sat down and flirted with me a bit. i assume everyone in parkdale thinks i am insane for just like, being. there are a lot of characters in our midst. you get a contact buzz just from living there, not a buzz exactly, like a, if you spend 3 weeks without the internet shuffling to and fro from your dads and coffeeshops, yeah you certainly do start to feel insane.

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i asked melodie where i was so i could text/tell my colleague. she’s like, can you ask someone else?? in front of the entire coffeeshop. i pretended to be passive aggressive about it. she didn’t notice. a guy laughed though cos i kept it comical and really, i am a clown, an adorable shambles of a person you so totally cannot be mean to me. really, it’s like swearing at a puppy. you may as well be satan.

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i was walking to i don’t know where, it was cold i was going to hit whatever looked the most inviting. then i saw this hunched over extremo-stressed out looking girl with melodie’s haircut, no wait, that IS melodie. i went in and was like, you look scary. hahaha. she was on a deadline. school is scary man. no way thank you i’ll stick to backflips and high kicks in stupid useless loser bubblegumdropland.

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went to cafetaste with courtney last night. i love hanging with her, she’s so feisty and unpredictable. i’m glad we’re friends. she has good quotes. her last one i want to go on our next advhaus party flyer I ALMOST DIED BUT, I LOVE ADVENTUREHOUSE. hahahhaa. wonder what she’ll say next friday.

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my dreamy walk home. ahhhhhhhhh.

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oh stop girl why you bein so shy now.

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water closet. piss room. you can hang out in the hippie commune while people walk by or have a lovely chat while they boil the kettle (my new nemesis) in the kitchen.

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kathy says i have amazing nail beds. model nail beds. demo nail beds. ooooooooooh la la. she screeched in glee when i came in, she’d already looked over my blog. insta-friend.

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you look 4000% hotter holding things with these on. candles. bananas. oranges. cucumbers. haha.

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they last ten days. do not at all damage your fingernails. i went to this place on dundas, heartbreaker by barbarella 889 dundas st w, 4 1 6 8 6 9 0 4 4 0 (when i type phone numbers i get blasted with skype spam wtf? so i have to space type out the phone number. cool!)

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very gwen stefani lately.

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i look like the geico gecko. gnecco? jimmy gnecco ghecco? whatever.

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sponsored by vans.

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avril lavigne approved.

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nice face crazy. CRAZY HOT MORE LIKE!

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the ones in the packets are the newest designs. they have the ones alexander mcqueen designed. silver monochrome. mmmmmhmmmm gerl. i got my nails did so i talk like this now alright accept it. holy fuck look at that coug print. check out their photo album. i am going to have my toenails done for summer then i’ll be a bubblegum princess nightmare forever and i’ll start partying with charlie sheen.

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RiRi had these Benjamins. yuh yuh! i will get them next time and gold fronts.

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and then next i’ll go baby doll pink something or other. kathy brought out this little display as we left and the nails had rainbow donut sprinkles covering EVERYTHING. i died.

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a chick (hey amanda) at the station saw me taking a picture of my nails and chatted me up then i noticed her bag and said no wonder you were drawn to me and my nails. i don’t believe in much in life but i do believe in subconscious instances, people’s vibes and energy. ok whatever.

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cafetaste‘s cavernous underbelly. i had to leave the city. i’d go out and be a wastecase if i didn’t, no internet for me is satan dropping pandora’s box on me. i mean come on, look at my “work life” can you even begin to imagine what my secret real life is like? yes and yes probably i bet.

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but then to balance everything out in the cosmos, when you’re up, ya cannae bee tee up there lassies. ok i am irish now but anyway, i had horrendous cramps and practically sob marched all the way home in the dark at midnight hoping i wouldn’t get jumped and i looked all over the house for this water bottle, the kids weren’t home to take care of me i texted to see if they could tell me what vortex black hole sucked up the water bottles (for some reason we have a lot of water bottles here) and they said on their bed and then in my over-eagerness to pour the kettle into the water bottle i poured a liter of it onto my entire hand where i was holding the lip of the water bottle open. i scalded myself. badly. it’s scarlet red today, no blisters but close. it was burnt so badly that cold water stung it. no relief. even now it still stings, feels so dry and sore i may as well have slammed it in a car door. i said to kathy my canadian celebrity nail minxologist how great would it be if i had come in with a cast mitt on this one hand? no kidding right. so then i had an even worse problem than the cramps which let me tell you, were significant enough. enough to warrant a fucking hot water bottle after sharing wine and having rounds of vodka sodas and a bit of pot, still not enough but then i got to sleep with ice packs and this stupid hot water bottle too. i woke up at 6 in the morning to pee and clutching the water bottle and the freezer pack was now room temperature and i was like, what the f–? then the pain came back to my hand. oh, that’s right i forgot, my life is awesome.

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blue eyed silver fox gave me the furry buffalo freebie that came with the bottle of sweetgrass vodka he brought back from amsterdam. we mixed it with pear and san pel. SO GOOD. i rejoined pof and within 24 hours over 200 messages. he was the first date i went on. beginner’s luck. i’m afraid to go back on it.

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i dressed like kevin smith today.

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jeremy (cafe taste) chose this for us. nice white. the kitchen was closed so i didn’t pig out at all yesterday. it was trying especially when i’m pmess and have no internet. i don’t grocery shop i just live off of coffee and weed but when you spend hours in a coffeeshop with a delicious menu and great coffee, good luck will power. i have successfully avoided the two adorable craft beers on tap though. day time drinking is for yuppies.

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my aunt’s trench. melodie loves it. i knew she would. now i can use this to barter something out of her collection. i’ve never had a sister before but i am learning. i get kind of incredulous about how we treat each other or make jokes, we are severe. i realize that everyone else who isn’t us, is a legit sensitive pussy. so maybe i need to watch my mouth a little more hahaha.

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i have two tickets to this i left them on their bed. i will be missing it (thanks bell!) so go tell them raymi says hi, find louise. i mean it. get me a gift bag too melodie.

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i’m in a league with lady gaga and katy perry now, rihana. yeah i know i know i am nothing compared to them but still, “it’s all happening man.” kathy was very impressed by me. she had a great song selection on her ipod. so whatcha want came on and i casually said i could rap the entire song and then i did. she told me about every minx design she did on friends and celebrities. girl nail pr0n is great in photos but in action, wow. you go into that world and you don’t come up for air until you are done. royally. photoman was there but he so wasn’t you know?

alright meow going deeper into the vortex.

homelessly yours, your pal raymi.

xo