The town is gonna talk but these people do not see things through to the very minimal but what’s it gonna cost to be gone? If we see you like I hoped we never would.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5271269993/
dear raymi
so something happened to me last night that made me feel like writing you. following your blog, i like that despite your breakup, you kept going. you went out, got out there, made each day a story, you didnt let something so huge bring you down. you refused to wallow in your heartbreak. (i was not heartbroken) you made it a point to make your narrative something worth living for. or that’s how i see it and i have great admiration for you because of this.
after a long term relationship ended for me, i went on a tear and finally met a guy who made me trip and fall. not in love just yet but it could have got there given the chance.
i think i got dumped by a guy i had only been dating for 4 months. he turned to me drunk, told me he didnt want to mislead me or hurt me but that he didn’t love me.i paused and said, “okay well i dont love you either?” he listed a bunch of great qualities about me and said he just didn’t feel it. he said that he usually knows he’s in love by the second month. okay. i tell him that the last relationship that i came out of didn’t just burn me, it scorched me and being 30, more experienced, knowing the shitty feeling of uprooting my life from everything i thought would by my fuckin forever, i thought it would be wise to take things slow with him, it’s okay to be cautious, no? i cared about him but in no way did i ever voice being in love with him. and anyway, what good did it do when you fell for whoever after 2 months? you ended alone, confused, misguided, off balance. he wants space, needs to sort his shit out. i get it. fine. is there a timeline on falling in love? ya, i should be happy, thankful, find it a blessing that he told me now but i also feel cheated out of being able to establish that comfort, trust with him and just to see where things go.
anyway. for some reason i just wanted to share despite how odd this sudden email may come across.
d***
Ill reply longer later when I can. Dating sucks. I hate men now. Ugh. Hang in there fight the good fight. Xoxo can I blog this? Ill keep u anon
For sure, thx for reading it.
just be lucky it’s over now. don’t delude yourself in the future. always have the upper hand in a relationship and always be the one who is loved more, slightly, if you can manage it as callous as that sounds i’ve been hearing this a lot lately and while i don’t entirely agree with it there is always a slight unbalance in a relationship. one is better looking, smarter, younger, more established, better pedigree, social status, wittier, charming, you know? it doesn’t mean one is better than the other but to ignore the thing of leagues in our dating world would just be ignorance. if you’re an 8 and he’s an 8.5 or a 7.9 you must do things to offset the gap like, making him feel insecure some of the time. guys do it to girls non-fucking-stop, never-ending mind fucks and stonewalling to make us desperate and wild for them. i’m too old to tolerate that anymore or act like i don’t know what’s going on. i’m glad for every experience i’ve had with men, long term, long distance, long winded, long enough. my perception of the world is now vastly different. i was a progressive youth, in fact, i pretty much missed out on adolescence altogether for all my cavorting with yuppies back then which is why i am regression city these days. i never dated before really, well maybe i sort of did if you can consider many sloppy serial monogamous relationships one after the other whilst cheating on every single one dating then yes, i have dated before. there is no instruction manual for dating and relationships especially when you’re too self aware of what’s going on in your life and way less rose-tinted glasses now as a late 20’s/early-mid thirties chick. we have no more room to fuck around really if we are anything short of a control freak workaholic perfectionist yupster and so, the fun days of dating broke artists are over and should be avoided but every so often we are known to go there. i say i can’t be one of these stressed out bitches working so hard to make it or break it and i do a good job jumping through all the urban hoops and bla blah and i go home at night and in my big empty bed staring up at my glow in the dark star covered ceiling with my mind racing about all the crap i have to do by friday during the week because that is what my life is turning into and if i don’t get a boyfriend soon to absorb all of my worries i am going to just get squirlier and bitchier. sorry i made your letter about me i don’t ever really know what comfort one is seeking from me, i find that simply just talking can be good enough. we’re all gems and no we will not die alone.
my friend said i’m actually a hardcore feminist what with all my philosophies and how i do but it’s a double standard against me as a woman, and well, duh. but i do it anyway and so should all other ladies. fight the power take it back et cetera lets go to lilith fair yaaaaaa!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5271875610/
Hello. Bonsoir Raymi.
Strangely enough, I just got back from a band practice (I live in London, UK) and was watching a film called ‘The Escapist’ (pretty decent flick) and in that film there’s a bit with an abandoned London underground station – which to me looked kinda cool – so I typed ‘abandoned train stations’ into Google and your blog came up. I never read blogs, but I read a bit of yours and it was pretty cool/intriguing, if not a little fucked up in places. I thought I would email and say…..good job…jolly good job, old chap.
Flattered thanks hi!
Yeah, the blog entry that came up when typing ‘abandoned train stations’ was one from 2004, so I kinda thought it would’ve been a ‘deceased’ blogging website. But then I noticed the archives on the right going way up to 2010……and there you were, still chugging away. 10 years of it. Tenacity.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5271876080/in/photostream/
you gave that first girl great advice. good for you. there needs to be more women like you (us) that don’t take this sort of crap when dating.
also, i totally believe in having the guy love you slightly more/balancing things out about. this is key key key and why my exes still hover around at my whim. ha.
i went to lilith fair with carly. lets all go next year!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaawwwesome.
I can’t believe more people didn’t comment on this because its brilliant. I imagine people are out Xmas shopping.
To D.
Don’t give up on love yet, just don’t make it everything.
If a guy didn’t tell you he loved you before the four month mark, then it more likely wasn’t going to happen.
he knew at two months, but kept it going anyway, perhaps for the comfort.
And Dear Daughter
Its too bad people say that you have to have the “upper hand, or “the guy has to love you more than you love them”
sounds like a superficial game really.
Personally, I think there are alot of unhealthy people out there who really don’t know how to love.
And the ones that play games and try to make you feel insecure about yourself…
the minute it happens, the whole world should stop.
And then you tell him,
I know what you are doing, and why you are saying this
you are a very insecure person, and its sad that you feel you can’t be genuine and need “one upmanship”.
And if you think there is a race on to find “the soul mate”
even though its not easy, there are just as many people in their 30’s,40’s,50’s, etc. chasing the same thing
You can find it with a bit of luck at any age.
Its finding it and keeping it thats the challenge.
the healthiest relationships are the ones where you have a equal relationship/partnership
and adore each other equally
sounds simple, doesn’t it?
not