i love c o u g c r a w l

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wing night at emma’s is a meat market. it’s a huge party night for the single suburban set. i think my mom should be paid to party here cos it always ends in mayhem.

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dudes everywhere. friendly dudes. you can have your pick.

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i look like such a dweeb.

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nice shirt mom.

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ugh. hahah.

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mom’s friends are growing on me they’re all crazy and outrageous. love it.

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they all read my blog too and love me and tell me how pretty i am all night long and give me advice. darlings. why i leave toronto for this is a mystery.

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my mom deleted the other better one of us because she didn’t like how she looked in it meanwhile it was my favourite photo.

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what’s with that pose nice one lauren.

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stay tuned about this one.

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barb made a great cake.

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wings weren’t enough i guess.

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mom and i shared a bottle of prossecco i think we were the first people ever to order champagne at emma’s.

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ready for the juicy parts? ok first part is, many months ago at the beginning of raymi’s single man eating journey i kinda bagged a dude who may or may not work close to emma’s, irrelevent kinda but the point is he is ALWAYS THERE whenever i go. i jilted him and so he’s a bit sour grapes about it when he sees my face and whatever he lied about buying a condo d/t i have no idea why so the feeling of rejection is compounded with the feeling of embarrassment cos he knows i know he lied but i haven’t ever brought it up again. anyway of COURSE he told the entire staff about our short-lived affair. i’m an adult and a serial dater so this means fuck all to me however it is a little awkward. he tried to say he has a rule about not doing regulars and the same goes for bar patrons, don’t blast anyone at your local watering hole especially the staff. actually, have sex never ever again if you can manage it hahaha so anyway of course this “rule” of his goes right out the window when this piece of work comes into view. this was the night i had a pick of like 20-odd pilots or bar guy. of course my penchant for slumming it supersedes mister eyebrows pilot playboy so i go thattaway.

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anyway i see this guy last week (or the one before) with robin and he pretends he doesn’t see me and my face goes magenta with rage we’re being stonewalled by everyone because it’s a dead night of the week and the place is virtually empty ‘cept for some local regulars so i’m getting all kinds of looks (whether real or imaginary) and just getting right steamed meanwhile bar guy is fake yawning and putting on his best i didn’t see you out of my peripheral vision act and like come on LOOK AT ME how can you not notice i’m practically lit in pyrotechnics.

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robin goes to the bathroom and says don’t get in a fight while i’m gone and while she’s gone i get in like 30 imaginary fights, loads of passive aggressive eye contact, looks over shoulders, the whole deal.

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robin comes back and a barfly is like SHE GOT IN A FIGHT and i died laughing. hahaha. guys are way more gossipy than girls you know.

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so i text this guy and ask him, and i quote, “why were you being such a cunt to me?” no one i slum it with has the right to ignore me so hard like that. he responds playing dumb and then some shit about being in his own world like BIG CHANGES which would lead to oh i’m not moving to “my condo” anymore because some retarded LIE happened to me etc. i don’t take the bait i dont reply i forget maybe i did but i moved on with my life and my party and my blog and ten thousand guys later leading up to last night when who should i of course see again walking around fake yawning avoiding eye contact with me. bingo bango i say robin looky-loo who it is and she’s all oh great.

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this dog hates pretty girls.

i go right up to him and chat him up like there is no beef between us at all but i do mention that he pretended not to see me the last time i was there and i only bothered to do this at all because i wanted to nip it in the bud as my mom goes there all the time therefore i go there all the time, burlington scene is small so it’s better to be friends than enemies. now, this guy’s ego is a little sore so he basically insinuates that the entire bar talks about my mother and i. like they know her and her kind and i play along but inside FUMING. you do not dog regulars especially those who bring a pack of people virtually every week. not cool. oh i ran out of time mom is here basically he texts and apologizes says he feels bad for ignoring me two weeks ago i said you were rude to me and you dissed my mom he’s like what?? i say basically you insinuated everyone there makes fun of her/us. then meh. he said he didn’t mean to (SO did) i go no worries he goes yes worries and i left it at that. HIGH SCHOOL.

i’ll tell you the other crap later. this trash hole is the apt of my friend’s friend i was like uh do you ever want to have a girlfriend?

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replete with stoner buddy playing vid games on the couch. i don’t think a woman has been in here in a solid year. anyone reading on one of those apartment makeover shows this space has potential and i think it would be hilarious tv.

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they were genuinely mystified by my pointing out how cruddy everything was.

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i love the attempts at decorating though. all man caves are like this.