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hey folks. here’s some of the typical fare of what you’re used to outta me.

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fabulous traveler, make way.

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haha check my finger i’m telling her to wait. diiiiiiiiiiva.

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just going for a little stroll nothing but.

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dirtbag nomad.

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birthday present peekaboo.

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too busy to even pose in my self-taken photo. that’s meta-rude. hyper lazy.

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fake out.

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WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AAAAND ROOOOooooooooll.

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i wish the tfc fans coulda waited til my train came before filing by exhibition hello shy narcissist is working here.

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was trying to get a nakes shot. got a bit of my shirt. balls.

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HIPSTER KI!LL GREY CLOUD I FUCK THAT OMINOUS IN THE ASS SEE YOU AT UNLOVABLE!

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a girl tried this jacket on in front of me and i said yes yes get it and she goes i dunno i think it makes me look bigger. i was like no man if anything it makes you look smaller. she was stacked and bigger. so i tried it on in a medium. sold. oh i just remembered i got hit on by not one but two chicks last nite at the brazen head. tfc lesbos. hot too. one i was taking money out at the atm and it came out all sloppy then for some reason showed my balance on the screen i went all aaaaaaghhh and covered it up and she goes all sloppy drunk oooh i’m hovering over you and i chuckled while trying to back out of the balance limbo i seemed to have been in, feverishly pressing enter (to exit), seriously why would it advertise a balance when one is like no i don’t want a receipt (waste of paper, planet killers) which in atm lingo means print balance on the screen apparently. so she repeats the oooh i’m hovering all over you line again for some reason (wasted) but this time rubs her tits ALL OVER ME like my shoulders ass full on body rub up. did i hallucinate that? anyway i get out of the thing and she goes don’t worry i didn’t look and i say (upon turning up the raymi androgyny flirt charm) oh no problem it’s a big one anyway (referring to balance) and she gets this sobering look like, what a fucking stud. what can i say, i got game. tell ya about the other hit on afterward, i brought her back to the bar with me like a prize to rob just to give her my card in front of him and rub it in his face. she’s 21. touch down. swish! one more and it woulda been a hat trick. ok any more sports references? home run. strike. gayyyy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036879089/in/photostream/

bumped into an old friend waiting for the train. he had these man cupcakes. one made with guinness. cool but ew. hate stout. unless it’s that kind they used to have on tap at the queen’s head in oakvegas. starts with a J i can never remember the name and it’s similar to jamesons but probably not. i wanted one of these so badly.

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whattagwan?

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what is this christmas?

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let the tickling begin.

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ok fine being serious now.

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one of these days i’m going to wrestle my brother so bad i make him cry. that is worth weight training for. i’ll have to attack him in his sleep though and then take off on my longboard bahahaha i am laughing out loud right now. he’d be like well played then lie in wait to get me some other time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036880699/in/photostream/

hailey made bank this year.

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note to self. (dad).

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get a bodum. get one from starbuck’s please will need it saturday morning. they’re twenty bucks.

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uh oh.

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she wants the exact nella bella bag i have. not surprised. i love it and get stopped about it often. when my mom saw it and the other one she went oooh, that’s designer. some people just know their shit eh?

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everyone’s eyeballs exploded when they saw my gift plus money. i don’t see her nearly as often as i’d like so i wanted to spoil her a bit and make up for it.

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you’re welcome shawn hahahaha.

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got her a poketo wallet i love those things. i have to get a more adult wallet though people aren’t taking me seriously anymore when i take mine out all mangled and juvenile stuffed with cash.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5037502010/in/photostream/

die-hard forever 21er. none of their clothes come in extra small sizes though. i guess that’s so little girls don’t dress like whores. managed to pick her out some wholesome duds when we went on sunday together. hailey is following in our footsteps and a major nirvana fan now so i found her a striped grunge cardigan.

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i love canadian money. also who cares american comedians? get better material. i know! lets do ten minutes of stand-up about every single country’s currency what is this a geography lesson? how about how boring and uninspired and dirty looking yours is. there.

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that lip gloss is super white and weird looking like you’re wearing silver toothpaste from outerspace. good luck with that!

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i don’t think she gave a care about these chachkas. i should have taken them back haha.

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the ice cream cone is a bank.

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this (much appreciated) extra (so it was worth it) was so inflatedly-priced i am cringing right now. no more sprees for a month. they taste like icing too. no mint about it. lies.

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a modest cake which i was floored about cos i knew the leftovers would be left behind and in my stomach.

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strawberry shortcake.

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this is so trailer park boys.

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no candle so she blows out his lighter. omg.

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and the little raymi captures it. it’s the gift that keeps on giving. the lighter. ugh i mean. nevermind i am demented.

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nothing like a massive suburban bowl of ice cream. not that i had one i just speed-ate spoonfuls straight from the tub cos i gangsta.

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then i had this for dinner the following night and nothing else.

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nostalgic special occasion plates.

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my mom was irritating cos she was being lazy and bossing people around from her throne.

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queen sheeba lazy.

shawn agreed it was time to start pestering her so i found this little jar of paper punch out confetti casie put in my birthday present. i was going to toss it at the back of her newspaper to scare her then i was like wtf i should just dust her in confetti. shawn didn’t know what i had in my hand or that i had poured the confetti into my hand all stealth-like so he just sees me casually wave my arm and confetti spray my mom probably one of the top ten hall of fame family funny moments, absolutely perfectly timed. he couldn’t breathe he was laughing so hard he’s like WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT WHATTTTT??!? then cackled hysterically while my mom hams up innocent victim role for optimum attention.

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extra funny cos my dad is ocd about cleaning. like, the guy has his cat shaved like a poodle so he doesn’t have to vaccuum the house (he said he’s not doing that anymore but i don’t believe it cos it’s not in writing) so picturing my dad sighing at this mess amped up the funny and guess what he didn’t even make a big deal about it.

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still laughing.

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caught my mom in hailey’s flash.

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cool kids. i had to fight to dress grunge (slob) when i was her age. now you can just walk into a store and parents are like do whatever i don’t care. kids these days have no idea how lucky they are yes i am a fogey now for saying that. tres depressing.

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time for hot hands. pretty vicious. have a video of my brother slapping the hell out of my dad.

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her teacher painted this, made a print of it for her. good message. so weird though for fact none of my cranky old teachers were nirvana fans.

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someone’s pumped to go shopping.

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bronzer city. wait’ll you see how brown i am right now.

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i look like crap but i love how she’s posing. hilarious. auntie has a hangover. haha no i don’t just residual not enough sleep ever.

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hahaa.

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my lunch.

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mom’s.

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hailey.

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i could tell they were shocked by my allowing them to go photo wild with me and i even took part in it. i am making an effort to not be a gritch anymore.

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my shoes were killing me after about two hours. my right toenail became super too big all of a sudden?

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i love dainty princess jewelry. i would wear ten swarovski crystal bracelets at the same time, only in baby pastels though. mom don’t forget to bring me that other one you have.

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sigh.

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SIGH.

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hey where you going?!

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i want to dip a whole bunch of weird shaped foods into chocolate. maybe i’ll do that for my party? stuff that will actually taste good though. starfruit slices are a start.

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that’s my old shirt from h&m.

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look, a mall. zzzzz.

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they grow so fast. the more self-centered you are, the faster they grow. so pay attention to them.

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helped my dad make the den more of a den.

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if you hang stuff high up to the ceiling it makes the room seem taller, thus more cavernous and denned-out.

ok i think you get the point. time to get ready for dinner. this place is quite hipster. hazard a guess. i’ve never been there before.

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hahaha freaks at the bar make way.

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BYE!