a pretentious contentious

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so obnoxious and cheesy and cute all the same the little MH for martini house i think it makes me cringe cos i’ve seen it on my mom’s blog so many times before not dogging her just ugh TMI mom i don’t want to picture you out on the town drinking martinis. only because i am an asshole though, kind of a protective thing? i am fucked up. i talk up my mom all the time though when i meet men. i say that she is beautiful and a babe and amazing she would die her ego would strangulate the hell out of her if she knew i was so nice about her behind her back why in the history of the world are relationships between a mother and daughter so contentious? i don’t even know what contentious means i have to look it up. ok that’s the right word. i am definitely getting dumber the older i get.

the top of the creme brulee wasn’t burnt enough or at all and it was too cold but i give the bartender props for making it at all he JUST let the kitchen guy go and i had finished my curry mussels (unsatisfying meal, well mussels aren’t really food i feel, so minimal) and thought i was done. sorry burlington city girl is here, nocturnal eating machine. all i had yesterday was mimosas coffee (so pumped i bought a bag of x-tra bold starbucks sumatra) and a few tiny bowls of cereal. this town shuts down early. but not that pub next door, they have a band sunday night i am bitter i didn’t know this when i actually lived here it’s like bizarro burlington world that pub, very kings arm-ish which i haunted for many months when i used to live in oakville why am i constantly mindblown by the dumbest who cares? types of things woooooah a dominoes i went to one once many years ago!!!! WIIIIILD! pfft. anyway went to this pub after martini house i almost sang with the band but the singer got greedy in the end, they didn’t know oh darling, i was willing to do revolution or some other jam but they barreled onward with their last songs even though they yelled into the mic throughout the whole bar that the blonde girl will be getting up to sing and then everyone stared at me and i was like great now i have to get hosed this is actually going to happen. the bar rail was cheap but i of course ex-tender demanded a slew of ridiculous shit and she charged the hell out of those shots i don’t even want to bother trying to remember how much i blew there. feh. the same thing happened at the monk’s table, no half shotsys at all, no generous pourers it makes me really angry when i eat/order/drink out on the town now i feel like i was such a saint and everyone else is just a jerk like you can at least pretend that we’re buds and make me think you’re giving me a millillitre extra but no. i don’t care how wrong that word is spelled i am not looking it up f this laptop just pretend it’s french canadian intentional.

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and i went out like this but changed into keds to dress it down a little at the very end there my hair makes a scene enough as is i didn’t want to cause too much bullshit i know i talk about myself 200000% always but fuck i have spent equal parts of my life looking not hot that when i actually make an effort i notice reactions and i guess it’s purely insecurity speaking when i make mention of all the rubber necking i get but also it freaks me out a little bit so i think if i talk about it helps relieve the anxiety i feel as a result ughhhhhhhh.

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i need more dresses and i need to be dressed. fact, i SELL dresses so you may as well hook it up by now. i use my niece’s bedroom as a dressing room, pass out in my brother’s old room.

i was supposed to go out for a drink with a dude last nite who was really tight with my brother “back in the day” i’m sure he would hit the fucking roof if he knew/once he knows (no blabbing entire family that reads this please) one time in high school this babe morgan with a red stang wanted to bark up my tree we went out for lunch cruised around and then after lunch we are walking to school from the side parking lot and cooper my brother some other fucking retards are motoring toward us and i go UH OHHHHHHHH morgan goes what??? i say oh i guess my brother knows. he’s like WHO IS YOUR BROTHER?!? i said his name and he’s like your brother is ***** *****!!!!!!??? hahahaha gets in his car PEELS OUT and away i think he crapped himself i just have this instant memory vision of cooper running down the hill full throttle ready to battle. thanks a lot shawn you jerk cock blocking lunatic. anyway he graduated a year ahead of me (older) so i at least got one year alone at that school but i was snobby dating older guys so i put that to waste sorta. at prom i got an award for being the funniest. one of the girls on the yearbook whatever committee was in some business class i was in and always heard me ripping material, correcting the teacher and every single person in my immediate vicinity so she obviously had an amazing sense of humour if she thought i was the funniest person in my entire year/grade. i graduated with a class ahead of me because i was a brainiac but also i decided i was done, didn’t want to go to university therefore no more credits required off to new york fucking city with me at 18 years old BOOM.

i had a reputation as someone who thought they were too cool for school, some girl said that to my brother, she was in some of my classes, older, like burned a few years partying too hard and i guess my youth and brains combined made her feel stupid around me. she said to my brother she thought i thought i was above everything. i think that’s more reflective of her but she’s right you can’t really argue feeling elitist about things. shouldn’t everyone be cocky in high school? defense mechanism dude get a grip. that’s how you survive high school and no one fucks with you, make people fear you and they leave you alone. worked. should i write a guide to high school? i think i have peter pan syndrome and high school is as far as i went educationally so i guess if anyone’d be an expert on the subject it’s me ha ha ha.

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i ate this today before coffee kicked in. so weird to eat so early. went to monfort’s, the “nice” one. i felt like i got on the server’s nerves but only because i couldn’t effectively communicate that i didn’t want pita but i wanted schawarma, that always throws people for a loop. i wasn’t rude though. just mute.

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kerouac kerouac kerouac think kerouac today note to self. look how jack kerouac my papa looks over there. bummed didn’t get a chance to see them this time i’m gonna come back out in a couple days i think. who knows. i have the itch though i have to go somewhere. my brother looks hyper, my dad looks hipster, nana looks stylish and i’m in the middle of a tantrum i guess. WHAT ELSE IS NEW!