he watches the tide rise and fall rise and fall

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967369527/

i want my own cooking show. it is my destiny. i forgot how much i enjoy that shit and how good i am at it. it is a skill. some people just have zero clue when it comes to seasoning, blending flavours, making something delicious out of nothing. i need my own cooking show with a butcher block table, endless red wine while i prep and a mic. there are so many things in life i want to do i just mention it and move on, nothing really needs to pan out for me, thinking about it and talking about it is good enough sometimes. close enough. like a contact high. we all sat around and listened to my vision for ten minutes now lets talk about the next stupid idea i have.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967370709/in/photostream/

sometimes i feel too thinly stretched out and it’s completely of my own doing for sure. i have my fingers in many pies because i am greedy and have an overwhelming urge to dominate it all and not leave anything out when really a smart person would come along, skim out the unnecessary excess, apply full focus on one project and make it shine whereas my deal is all AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THENNNN! i dunno how this turned all side-tangent but the moral of this photo’s caption is i was having a panic attack and hiding it so then i made rose’mimosas and it went away. you have to drown it in a bit of booze to take the edge off. so i’m smiling cos i’m happy the terror subsided. too much caffeine too much hangover too much stress. i am pretty good at mastering anxiety these days. i am more in tune with quashing the attack. even though my heart is fluttering i am able to identify that it’s from a jolt of caffeine and weed not from the world caving in on me. while watching dirty rotten scoundrels it came on and i told myself it’s JUST an attack, not a big deal, it will go away, get over it, try to laugh at it, be amused. if you can break it down like that you’re on easy street. anyway, the re-emergence of anxiety in my life is a sign that i am givin’er way too hard so i had better lighten up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967371309/in/photostream/

i know right. where to begin with the compliments, no idea. first the tan and the casual sophisticated demeanor and the setting itself ahhhhhhh. this is what quitting looks like. easy breezy fuck’n sleazy. actually, no it’s not that easy. i’m a bit stressed that i did it but not as stressed as i was working there. i’m way too high-strung. i went by yesterday to gather my last round of tips and felt physically stressed. brosz7kowski started having panic attacks from his last job so he quit. he said he was on his way to work on the subway completely wigging out and the closer he got to his building the more panic he felt. marched right in and said to his boss he was done. sometimes you just have to do that if it’s affecting your health, it’s not just the job itself it’s the state of being you’re in. ok why am i talking about this i’m done it’s done stop stressing. this is why i am anxiety-riddled i just can’t get over things i have to turn them over cross-examine psycho-analyze, discuss, vent even when it’s said and done i am still not finished.

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ok lets change topics slightly. now that i am done my duty in the service industry, from that side of things, i have above and beyond high expectations (demands) when i go out to eat. even before i ever served i was a fucking cunt about everything now it’s just, you do not want to be my dinner date basically. well you do and you don’t. it depends on my mood. for starters i size people up in every situation/scenario there can possibly be in life, i am endlessly fascinated by humanity, we all know this, it’s why i blog. they’re (people) my material. so and so did this, they sucked, now here’s my essay on a situation that lasted ten seconds in a variety store lets take turns dismantling it in my comments now. some people watch porn, those funny or die videos, read the onion, troll messageboards, us, we hop on the raymi bipolar express day in day out. there is something for everyone. no i am not stoned right now i realize i’m all over the place i assure you there’s going to be a point eventually.

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this guy clearly ruled.

so basically the hostess of turtle jacks was a snotty little bitch. it doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t do. her entire demeanor was just all wrong. gym guy said it was part lack of experience and one part bitchy. i stand by my expectation of a person that if one works in the hospitality world which i consider all hosting jobs you don’t have to be behind the desk of a hotel but anyway, BE HOSPITABLE IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB! this isn’t date night when steve carrel and tina fey get treated like garbage at the podium of that dinkus trendy resto this is fucking turtle jacks get over yourself, play fake nice with me, humour me, kiss my ass, seat me, say something clever or witty then if you fancy yourself so much you want us all to know you’re above this menial job come on then prove it to me show me how smart you are cos if you were an actual smart person you’d be playing the game straight off the bat not passive aggressively seating me in silence and pissing me off.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967978254/in/photostream/

cute backpack i’ll come back to this.

and then last nite, industry nite (blanket term for slowest bar night of the week please come in and give us your money) at that cozy pub on king douche west, the fynn bar that always seems to be empty when i go there. they had all these signs out front begging you to come in grabbing your attention and it worked, we go in and the shitty treatment begins. first we were indecisive about where we wanted to sit, not that i’m high maintenance or anything (so am) but i like to have the best seat. it must have a view of the entire room so i can stare at people and make up little assumptions in my head about them, it must be plush and comfortable and not totally near everybody else. does the waitress recommend a section or anything whatsoever? no she slams down the menus and says haughtily she’ll be back when we decide where to sit and storms off to the kitchen or the bathroom who knows. oh really that just happened? this is a good start. then we are ignored a shit ton and some guy comes out to serve us instead, classic trick in the you deal with them book. oh do you want service? no we don’t thanks we’re fine. at this point i’m like we should just go to bier market fuck this i want a nice glass of wine i don’t want to suffer for it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967373399/in/photostream/

the place was dead. there was no entertainment like it said on the menu. fine. in fact two other drunken guys down the bar barked at the bartender COME ON YOU KNOW YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE IN HERE RIGHT NOW they were just dishin’ out the shitty to everyone. fucking right i’d be bitter if i had to work labour day monday but you know what sweetheart you shoulda booked it off then or chosen a different career-path or a new joint to work in your miserable aura is affecting my miserable aura and i just quit a job for this very reason not to be confronted by it every other place i go in the city. we did eventually end up at bier market where there was more shit attitude. yes end of the night trying to close things get a little depressing and patience runs thin but after a long probably dead day of business you’d think the people who actually show up would be appreciated. i know some days it would be dead for hours then one guy shows up and you get a little miffed that you have to now babysit but you’re also grateful cos hello, $$$$$$$$$.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967374081/in/photostream/

maybe it was because my shirt was too open. haha. wow i felt so passionately about all this ten minutes ago now i’ve run out of steam. case in point i hate bad service and bad food. maybe i should address people the second i walk in the door to just go easy, don’t cop a ‘tude cos my ‘tude detector is the best there is no arrogance about it i am just hyper-sensitive to rudeness and have absolutely no tolerance for it.

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the guy who waited on us at turtle jacks was sooo nice and chatty and brilliant at his job in comparison of the hostess it was night and day. the guy at the pub last nite who came out to serve us was like uh do you want drinks like you’re not supposed to be my table but…i said yeah you can serve us cos she seems a little mad. that message was immediately delivered back of house cos she eventually dragged her heels on over to our table didn’t look at me once just directly at craig and took his order. had to call across the room numerous times for service. bullshit. unacceptable. F. you get an F. ok i am over this now. for future if i feel like being pissed off while extremely comfortable and sleepy i will go back to that pub.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967979730/in/photostream/

trish works at the dakota now. oh great. my poor liver. i liked how the bill looked, their letterhead. very cute old timey. this band called rattlesnake choir played and i couldn’t get over how familiar looking the guy singer was then this other guy shows up and i knew i had served them last week or so. after the show i was like hey you’re really good blah blah bla you drank at my bar last week. cool story. i was wearing a super short dress and these guys plus an ancient old man with them were digging it so i hammed it up a little. SEE, that’s what good service is all about. personality explosion.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967374709/in/photostream/

such a relaxing weekend away. textbook cliche beautiful. it was like staying in a showroom, a show house in a design center. woke up and pointed at the perfect dressing table with the perfect things on it in the perfect room and asked if we were in an antique store and ten thousand other funny quips i can’t remember. my mom would die to see this place. i’ll show you guys more don’t worry.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967981548/in/photostream/

so my next game plan is to smile more. more often? is more often redundant? i think it is. anyway, smiling. it’s going to be my new way to manipulate people by. i’m pretty good at it. i have good teeth and my face looks pretty cute when i do it right, i have little dimples, why the fuck am i mona lisa facing my life away? what do i get with that face? nothing. what do i get with smiling? everything. have to be cautious though cos it can go goony just like that.

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i want to shove my face in that so badly right now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967983018/in/photostream/

mcgarnicle is the best cat ever. came home pretty late and he ran on over to me for a cuddle. stew left him behind in all the moving i called and asked if i should bring him inside but he said it’s fine he’ll get him in the morning. what a smart cat to remember me and to know i’m a safe house or whatever and no to answer your question i do not miss cid that cat was a fucking asshole to me for five years no matter how loving i was he just wasn’t having any of it. he attacked me in the face when i was sleeping all the fucking time, he wedged his fat ass between fil and i on the couch all the time, drove me infuckingsane and made it so i couldn’t have my own cat or take rocky while my dad was in hospital. i’ve seen cid since we split and it’s like i was never a part of his life, he still doesn’t give a shit about me and that’s fine the feeling is mutual hahaha. curly haired fuck’s dog is kinda similar, only cares about curly haired fuck and also the beast’s dog though he’s a puppy still so it’s ok i guess but the route of spoiling is going to potentially ruin that guy. why do i find men who have animals who fucking hate me and are obsessed with them? bad pattern. basically hi i have a kid that is never going to like you, have fun! ps. stew is gay if anyone was wondering you keep saying anonymously how hot he is i dunno if you know he’s gay or are a girl or a dude but if you are interested and worthy enough get in touch.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967983326/in/photostream/

did i blog this photo yet i feel as though i did and i feel as though i should delete half this post cos it’s too complainy but i also feel like you like that so whatever no sense in trashing it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4967983820/in/photostream/

did i blog this? ughhhhhhhh.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ahhhhhhhhhhh. don’t you think airhead internet girl speak is obnoxious and stupid? do people talk like that in the real world? OH MY GOD I’M DYIIIIIIIING OVER THIS JACKET! really? well take it off right away that sounds dangerous! i’m going to start talking like an adult hereonin lets see how long it lasts.

so the next thing i have to brag about takes place september 14 at cheese boutique and i’m taking melodie as my date because she is smarter than me and will help me take notes and also because i love her and she deserves it. we photograph well together, we have a good time, she fucks with whitey haha you know, the man whatever so it’s great to play ditzy self-absorbed blonde and have punk rock hot body smart mouth put you in your place on my arm. people’s reactions to our traveling circus always makes me laugh. cheese boutique is having a slow food once in a lifetime dining experience IN the actual boutique itself. they’re going to set up stations throughout the store (i can’t wait to eat and look down on everyone from the second tier chocolates area one of my favourite parts of the boutique cos it reminds me of the candy store out of willy wonka) and we will be served by all these elite chefs (foodies get a ticket you will murder yourself if you miss out) reds bistro – Michael Steh, Cheese Boutique – Afrim Pristine (number one chevalier in the world don’t forget)(IN THE WORLD), Crush Wine Bar – Michael Wilson (they did the wine for the toronto zoo eatathon i went to), Stratus Winery – Wine pairing (pumped), Le Select Bistro – Albert Ponzo (have yet to go but i will oh i will) C5-ROM – Ted Corrado (my aunt and i went here for high tea it was fucking awesome and they were also at the zoo foodie event) also Earth, Globe – Kevin McKenna. tickets are $75 which is pretty reasonable considering how generous these eating parties are/can be also when i consider it more, $75 is nothing really for a night out on the town not to mention this is something that won’t happen again for a very long time. there may be a few surprises in store too, some i don’t even know about (for once).

so that’s what i’ll be doing the day after i get back from nawlins so i’ll likely be fat and bloated from all the shit i’ll be eating there.

this long winded pile of puke needs to end now i wonder if i can fit in a gym visit pre-hair appointment hmmmm. newp ran out of time oh well.

just booked an appointment for a mani/pedi at mosheta for tomorrow i feel so orange county right now what’s next a brazilian? oh wait leslie booked us those at some spa in nola. knock knock who’s there my life is retarded byeeeeeee. i’m going to end every post with and now this is why i quit my job, whether it’s relevant in context or not. always keep them guessing (knowing you are an idiot).

+++

Hi,

Adrienne

sent this to leslie and she said “yeah this is not bad news” hahahhaa. what’s even greater news is it’s hurricane season and i’ll be stateside for my annual september 11th wig out. nice knowin’ yas!

happiness meter: 7.5/10 not bad.

celibacy watch: still a virgin.