CONGRATULATIONS DAD

things that rule about my dad.

he thinks he’s funnier than me. he’s close but i’m quicker and when i burn him good he lets you know.

he rocked the mustache multiple times and upon shaving it off once when i was a kid i was like um who are you? look at my brother trying to piss me off here. EVIDENCE. that’s why i punched you in the head a few years ago shawn, all this built up pent up rage for every annoying thing you did to me ever.

you read to us all the time before bed as kids and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it (or at least you are a brilliant actor)(you barely sighed with impatience) and you made up dumb voices for each different character in the stories which opened a door of infinite possibilities in my mind like it was ok to be goofy so then i copied everything you did at school and became class clown and dominated all of my peers in joketown. i pretty much got away with everything in my life because of my smart mouth, so thank you for that. see, check me up there quietly masterfully studying your style and rhythm like the smooth criminal i am. sure that’s a popple in my lap, no bigs guy keep reading.

so 90’s! my so called life called (haha “called, called.”) they want their shitty show back. (why did girls beat off so hard for that series?)

anyway i never knew i was a daddy’s girl until my brother pointed it out then i was like oh rrright that makes sense, i guess i am. how gay is that ew I’M SOMETHING. my mom sure as hell has my brother on some apron strings so whatever don’t even think of getting jealous now. maybe this is why i collect older men and have zero patience for younger guys. i am going to fail horribly at being a cougar. i just can’t relax around dumb guys. yeah yeah they’re not all dumb i just get jumpy around them. high school was trying for me, i was never around, always in the city getting hosed with yuppies.

ANYWAY DAD WE’RE GONNA GET FUCKIN’ RIGHT RIPPED TODAY EH TERRY. DEANER? FUCKIN RIGHT RIPPED. TRON FUNKIN BLOW! XOXOXO

papa you also rule. this guy is jack kerouac’s first cousin and he’s still kicking it. i’m going to ask him about the letter he wrote to jack way back when. guy was solid gold boozing it up in montreal during the beatnik years too.

hipster. owning it.