oh God no more birthdays please
great day to quit drinking. bombay gin party is today. alicia is my date. shuffle it all over to the next day then. mad catch up like no other but all i want to do is float around town in this warm niceness. it’s been a long winter. think ah may do just that. why do i feel guilty what did i do wrong? other than a gong show bday game thursday nite, piss poor recovery from that i was at work friday with my eyes barely open. then saturday melodie’s thing, which made us all right geniuses yesterday her actual birthday. since my party was kind of a well, i dunno, and melodie wasn’t around for it justifiably went to town which is great because i am never celebrating anybody’s birthday ever again so yeah, good to go.
hair appointment tomorrow THANK CHRIST. or well, the desk girl.
people who needlessly hate on flip flops we need to have a little chat. one, it’s called summer. two, if you take care of your shit then there’s nothing wrong with showing off those toes. i’ve seen feet in flip flops cleaner looking than some scummy ass shoes, better looking in fact a dickload more so than some cheesy tacky foot attire out there. just cos vice mag made it their “thing” to rip on flip flops, i don’t get it. look at me up there does it look like i give a fuck what you think? look at my feet yeah i may as well be bare foot. sandals are for good looking hippies like me. the end. lebowski forever. is this, a weekday?
oh also guess what i DO live near a beach and my entire philosophy on life is: look good for beach so you can fuck right off with that no beach for miles argument right now.
so hung. we escaped a houseguest that WOULD NOT LEAVE despite many many PLEASE GO NOW subtle hints.
here’s things i did to try to get the ball rolling:
-first i went and opened a curtain and plonked down a full (to-go!) glass of water and said hey do you want some water? to which was greeted a diva-like coy yawn, “no.” fine. also note i do not know this person so like if a roommate of my friends came in and offered me water i’d know straight away what was up and that would be my ass out the door.
-drank a wine spritzer and flat out ignored every mention of “oh i totally want to drink now.” comments.
-offered no weed but accepted some haha.
-sprawled out on entire couch so there was no room for anyone else.
-pretended was deaf or really into television.
– yelled out BYEEEEEEEEEEE numerous times.
-passive aggressively ignored every cute remark about meaningless shit with no polite mmmhmms or oh yeahs? like i normally constantly dole out for validation reassurance because i am actually a for real nice person BUT not when i am hung and anxious and hello who are you in my house i’m the only princess here.
-talked about how much cleaning we had to do and no we don’t need any help.
-paused movie and said I AM PAUSING THIS I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO IN MY ROOM SO I’M PAUSING THIS FOR NOW get the fucking hint!!!!!!! i knew it was my fault though for making it a fun atmosphere i knew if i put that on and he smoked some weed he’d never fuck off but i did then he did and so i had to pause the party.
-left room
-then he left and lucas said i could come out again.
the entire time lucas was stonewalling him too. packing up the turn tables. melodie left too even.
dear everyone who crashes at someone’s house after a party: WHEN YOU WAKE UP GET THE FUCK OUT. don’t ignore hints. no we don’t want to hang. unless you are being spooned and i’m whispering shit in your ear about brunch and such, um, payce child. do not prolong your walk of shame. just do it, own it, get it over with.
BYE!
Grade A on the techniques. So solid.
thanks for the flip flops in the city support. i rock flip flops in nyc and i don’t give a fuck. and thanks for calling out vice! the only back-up for their sentiment is that city streets are dirty and thus the feet will be dirty. my feet look damn good and i’m not idiotic enough to step in nasty shit, so you got no case, vice. paaayce.
You had a Stage 5 Clinger. I hate those.
hahahahahahhahahaha i dont have the energy to say any more than that but yeah hhahahahhahah
i didn’t even know people hated flip flops??
YYYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! party. time.
a man should only wear sandals if his pants are covering 13/16ths of the top of his foot.
no dice with shorts, unless they are clogs.
at the beach you should be barefoot, unless your wearing pants. who the fuck hits their first beach chair in their swim trunks?
that was really stupid.
ohhh flips flops Ive missed those…. it’s still not warm enough over hear for them:(
BYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
getting rid of people can be a chore eh. i’ve tried to make things no fun, played videogames in total silence. once i was like, “well, before you came over, the plan was to _____”. “so i’m getting kicked out?” “no no, just telling you what the original plan was, before you came over.”
steph, when you were like, hey i’m home! sweet, it’s time to have s, oh, OH, you’re here again. <that was funny.
Oh oh, that polka dot bikini. Loooooove. Nothin’ wrong with flip flops. Key is to have cute nailpolish on, always.
reading that gave me an anxiety attack. I totally would just hide in my own house. Done it before. Did when my in-laws would visit…I’m so happy I live alone now. And don’t ring my doorbell…
Once when I was younger I had a boy in my house who wouldn’t leave. I kept saying shit like “I have to do my homework, maybe we can hang out tommorrow.” Honest to god, and he just wouldn’t leave.
So himself and my mother were standing in the kitchen talking and I announced I had to go down to the basement to get some icecream out of the deepfreeze. I went down to the basement, crawled out the basement door, and ran down my block and hid in the daycare playground for 20 minutes until I saw him walking past.
ever notice it’s almost always DOODs that overstay?