if she is electric can i be electric too

hiding my face in my pint cos i couldn’t stop smirking from overhearing this cuckoo bananas reading going on at the table beside us. so much mumbo jumbo, loved the terminology. RIDE THE WAVE. CROSSING OVER. LIFE LINE. these chicks were so into it too. then they started talking about their blogs and then i diiied.

goan chicken curry. what does goan mean? oh i know here’s a quick joke. so this irish radio station (pretend i am typing in an irish accent here) is having a contest for who can come up with a word that’s a word yet not in the dictionary. some guy calls up and says the word GOAN. they’re like ok yes can you use it in a sentence? he says GO’AN FUCK YOURSELF! and hangs up hahaha. then the following week he calls back again, same contest, says his word is smee. they’re like good one now can you use it in a sentence? dude goes S’MEE AGAIN GO’AN FUCK YOURSELF!

AHHAHAHAHAHA ahhhhhhhhh.

mm i’d hammer this back pretty hard about now. it’s just ham though i don’t have any ham jokes sorry.

sorry artisan bread take a relax pill you’re making everybody look bad.

if this were a book cover, coffeehouse fags from the 90’s would beat off to it. oh my GOD have you read the velveteen couch yet? it is SO righteous!

sorry, can’t resist.

meet starstruck anna. she’s been reading my blog since she was 17 and came all the way from norway to gush all over me. she is now 22. crazy crazy. i love new friends.

i saw her from behind before she introduced herself to me and thought look at that chick in that shirt what a bitch hahahah oh man girls suck that’s exactly how it goes. i see great style and instantly think they are going to hate on me. ISSUES.

this picture is not cheesy, you are.

her friend’s band the name escapes me of They are called Julian Bachlow and The Good Times Running, so good and fun and great entertainers. goin’ places kids!

their dance moves are so key.

anna’s boss. rules. i was like sorry guy but you have THEE BEST hair i have seen all nite. he’s like i just got it cut. i’m all really? um, where? you look like a roadie. him: i used to be a roadie! me: so surprised! come back anytime you’re awesome.

another great band i forget the name of but should email me so i can get wasted at their bar. guitarist on the right ordered some fries and asked if they came with a dip i said yes, it’s called ketchup. the entire bar busts up laughing. i was super on last nite, until i cut my hand at least. i zinged him later on too he asked for some pabsts while i was not in the immediate vicinity more so thinking aloud so i serve them and he’s amazed by my pabst-appearing magic trick i just pointed to my ears and said you see these they can like, hear. cue laughter track. you can’t be a shithead to everybody but i knew i could be a shithead to him. then he started calling me ears hahaha.

teppei made some really good bacon tomato sauce. the pile of cheese he says is edmonton style. i thought it was just fat fuck style, which essentially is pretty universal.

party town crew made my nite and in turn i made theirs, they said the central is their new favourite bar. blue shirt (aka cowbell failure) paid my rent in tips what a gentlemanly scholar thanks magnus. trying so hard not to make a norwegian wood joke right now too late though i already said hard. i am going to wear bras every shift from here on in. cartoon character chest. i mean, i’m certain it was my personality what won him over. the girl and the guy are in that first band i can’t remember the name of i should have written it down. i never take notes, i always figure if it’s important enough it will come back to me in some shape or form. what an arrogant grandiose cosmic hippie approach eh, no wonder i am always behind.

anna’s bf in the old man hat. he was bemused by her lovin’ on me and kind of, confused?

no confusion here!

wish i could tell you what they are cheersing to hehehehahahahah. this wasn’t even near last call yet, two hours from it in fact. i kept them pacified right up to then. you’re on central time now.

killin’ me softly.

then look what we noticed! soul mates or, wait for it, SOLE MATES? my dad and i are telepathically high-fiving right now.

yesterday i decided i wanted the hairstyle of a jetson. i said oh no i raised my forehead, anna laughed at me, how can you raise your forehead? i meant eyebrows!

a little better.

having a visible tattoo is fun because people start lifting up their shirts. my favourite one anna’s boss had was of a teeny ferret with an angel halo and wings floating. he has a tattoo of all his pets. tuesday nite this dj kid alan showed me his massive chest tat of this thing it was pretty awesome.

see the ferret haha i love sense of humour tattoos despite this obviously not being at all intentionally funny. it is making me think of the cat came back song/cartoon (america you need to watch it, don’t hate me for when it gets jammed in your head forever though) when the cat finally dies and follows the guy up to heaven as an angel cat also roger rabbit when the bad guy weasels die they float up like angels holy crap i am five years old today one more baby reference and i am taking a nap with my binky. ps. how much did jessica rabbit’s body kind of make you a perverted deviant seeing that during your formative years? no, just me? shut up prudes!

how painful was that shit wow.

i’ve seen feet tats before and they’re so boggling and amazing. why not do the bottoms next hahah. re-reading this over i feel like typing teet fats. there TEET FATS.

ugh. i was wiping down a table by the stage and a glass shard stuck to some candle wax lodged in pretty deep and a huge flap of skin flip flapped i just stared at it in shock then it oozed blood. i pressed against it with my right thumb and raised my left in the air to slow the blood flow then one guy goes, carpal tunnel? i say not really then remove my thumb to reveal the gruesome RAIN OF BLOOD trickling down my wrist haha. it won’t require stitches so don’t worry dad.

hopefully not the only head you got last nite.

nice greasy teenager look right. i need way less harsh of a flash TOO MUCH INFORMATION IS GOING ON IN MY PICTURES. ooh nails are growing i might go for a manicure today. is it mean to go in with half sparkled polish on and make the girl take it off for me? it’s the hardest shit to get off ever. i should do it myself.

hello kitty band-aids can’t help me now.

DANCE TIME! had to do a write-up for this new website pool of all the businesses in the mirvish village. how the fuck do you convey this in a condensed about your establishment blurb?

how about I BET THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN AT THE VIC! (ps i heart the victory)

i chose the clarinet in elementary school (cos my brother did too, my parents didn’t want to buy another mouthpiece so i had to play that boring thing, fun eh? pfft) and used to serenade my brother and his girlfriend into the phone from upstairs or the kitchen phone (he on the basement extension) when he was hogging the thing all nite long. he’d lose it and chase me up the stairs. then ten minutes later i’d do it again. the best was when the reed wasn’t moist enough and it would do that high-pitch squeak that kills your brain.

HAHahaha what is this n’sync?

oh wait this is the cowbell song, what band are they spoofing, or what band are they? do i know anything? NO. more importantly, look how much i am getting stared at here.

sorry i blew this one xenia, next time next time!

COOL FACE!

day off time to clean my messy room.

for next halloween i am going as a wiener. my costume looks like this.

I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!