DOUCHEHUNTER

last nite’s course of action was to scour the city for rich husbands. well, rich guys (for a joke relax pants!) howevs, rich dudes tend to be d-bags so we were forced to head directly into the belly of the beast what is doucheland to find these treasures. one walk along king west a collective fuck that was made, turn about face back in the other direction to spadina then up to czehoski’s for a primer. i am not paying cover to immerse myself in cascades of rank people in ankle-length london fog jackets just to be ironic about it. YOU should be paying ME to swirl through the room and make everyone feel better about themselves. one door guy was all hey what’s ten dollars? uh buddy, a lot, considering the faux medieval times flames billowing oh so knightly by the useless red carpet out front. i know what’s just behind those doors and i don’t like it. you want to fill the room with loose girls? charging them cover is not the way to do it.

shall we begin?

douchebags were here and for the record i hate the term douchebag so if you know of a better name let me know but what’s more, they cannot even commit to their d-bag constitutions. uh guys you forgot your nausea-inducing penis wands! i’ve never seen black cigars. hyper-douchey.

introduced mer to the czehoski liquid salad which is hendrick’s gin, tonic and lots of cucumber slices. tonic is too sweet for me but i had one too anyway for old time’s sake.

sat by a group of guys who steph reeled in on the spot. the rest were not for us so we tried to be as disgusting as possible. sass was not feeling that. sorry i’ve been in the isolated suburban wilderness for a long time it was my intention to be anti-peen to help steph’s game as much as poss. not that it required any aid but you know, i love to laugh.

i did this to my hair a lot. i am never curling it again until it sorts itself out. it’s drying, on its way to straight town presently so it should be good. looking better. bought some anti-brass condish.

magic pony has another gallery space beside czehoski. i believe tania is the mistressmind behind these darling shrooms.

douche target bullseye: the paddock. rich trust fund kid (our age) nite. it was a scene for certain. out of control. i put this lamp on these people’s jackets cos they threw their shit in the corner and knocked it over. i just love decorating!

preg’rexic impression. i think i would be great inspiration for a pixar-animated ant-type character. or a grasshopper. maybe a praying mantis. every time i start thinking of insect-comparison jokes i remember the time my mom referred to the teenage mutant ninja turtles as the teenage mutant ninja ants HAHAHAHHAA. i laughed my head off about it for days.

try and keep a tally of bird sightings

trying to blend. sass looks amazing.

boring rich white chicks. now before you admonish my wealth-hatin’ let me say this. rich people born with silverspoons in their mouths made it so they never had to develop personalities. they’re arrogant (generally) so they don’t think trying is necessary. yuh-awn i can barely get through this paragraph about them even.

white girl dance moves arms raised no-no. we just love it and can’t help it we feel the music and it’s like ahhhh ceiling i have to let you know about this. this one was especially for me though, my flash got them going.

steph laughing ass off about it. that chick’s cardi looks amazing wish i saw the front.

i may have lost my temper at points. some of the people were truuuly awful and insatiably rude. we knew there was no love to be found so we got mangled and shitty, also known as “giving” and “er”. there was a dance throw-down.

the smiler look out she inches up behind you in the bar and has weedbreaf.

exactly.

mess.

REVENGE!

TAKE IT SLUT!

whenever somebody yawns, rush up to them quick and pretend you are holding a trowel. or a big juicy penis.

cali has turned this girl into a doper.

the one hitter has been such a hit. raymi’s guide to making temporary friends. also a great way to increase your lighter collection.

nice to know the girls didn’t skip a beat while we were out front.

these guys were blasticated and encroaching upon our territory.

and the reddest guy i have ever seen.

uhm yeah.

move bitch i’m trying to fox-trot.

orgasm face! this would be a good photo for a call girl ad. SEE THE RESULTS FROM ONE SATISFIED CUSTOMER! he looks like his prostate is being milked.

then went to eat our feelings at sneaky disease.

late nite scene there is good i’d forgotten all about it. everyone’s trashed and singing along to tunes waving their arms in the air it was nice to be among our kind.

BYE THANK YOU FOR LISTENING YOU ARE SUCH GOOD LISTENERS!