Billy Ocean Smooth
ok so J maudlin (guy who beats my mom for longest most preachy comments even) inquired/posed the following:
If you write non fiction, and the subject of your writing is, for the most part, you, and you become the “product” (in a way…) that you are marketing, and if part of what you write about is your wild child free spirited explorations of life, including the dope and booze, and if your readers become sort of attached to that “story”, well, you see where I am going with this.
Therefore, may I humbly suggest you experiment with some fiction writing. In this way you can protect yourself, sort of thing. Thanks for letting me park my comment here. My hands are still cold, but I think my heart is marginally warmer…
Buuuuuttttttt, what I really wanted to know was about writing: fiction vs non fiction, making ourselves the character (autobiography) as compared with creating characters that, of course, are attached to who we are. It’s the writing, Raymi, that has legs. By the way…no need to put this up on comments, right? I don’t want to stir up the shit, I just want to be a bone head keyboard cyber tapper killing the time, normal style, trying to relate.
i know that i made myself a product here (so to speak) more or less. it’s the raymi show, we get it. so given that, am i allowed to be annoyed when 50 people tell me what to do everyday? within this little (big) sharing circle i’ve created, it’s a toughie, double-edged (whatever metaphor you feel most comfortable with) thing yes? because this isn’t a link-dump blog i don’t drop articles and then we all discuss them. i write about myself and show my life via photos instead, and that is the subject we all discuss. me. yet i’m not a celebrity (debatable) website either, meaning, i wasn’t famous before this blog so therefore require an internet domain to keep with the times. i am the times. oh god look at the pretentious turn this just took.
i can’t write fiction for shit. every single story i write ends up being about a fucked up depressed girl in pilgrim dresses. or some slut. or something drug-related. something about something that happened to me once. i don’t know how to do anything else, basically. admittedly. my only skill is relationships, feelings, emotions. people. my big mouth. everything that comes with people. stupid advice. every single up to the minute thought i have is my skill. burden. one ryerson student during my talk asked what’s next, why fame, famous for what? being famous? why the drive to be famous, just to be famous? i talked about my book which i can’t (or shouldn’t, rather) discuss here but she definitely got me thinking. a little defensive too. is there a point to fame? why do i want it? why did i want it more like. i kind of forgot.
when i was 19 during the first wave of blog phenom attraction, i recall thinking throughout that insano period of my life i better smarten the fuck up, buckle down and write about it more. you can be a complete mess all you like as long as you have something to show for it. as long as you produce something. no one around me was producing a thing. i surrounded myself with scapegoat artists, addicts, fuck ups. i was the success standard. HA. what a laugh. so with no one to compete with i just kept dickin’ the dog.
applicable and only nietzsche quote i know and often drop:
be not too liberal, it doth belong; to dogs alone to fuck, the whole day long.
if this is the most narcissistic time history has ever seen, what the hell is the next phase? when does it all overflow and backfire? when haters outnumber lovers? where is the movement, moving toward?
when i set out on my blog journey i never once foresaw a shit-movement. i never thought it would or could become news-worthy, omg girls on myspace taking pictures of themselves! what? i can remember a time when people said what’s a blog? so fast you were already back to listening about the mall. things have changed.
i’ve never been good with fiction you can see right through it and you can see right through my shit lying ability too which is why everything in here IS and always has been truth. in fictional writing attempts, without fail, a friend will relate each character’s personality to someone in my real life and will refuse to believe otherwise even if they’re wrong. especially if they’re wrong, actually.
it’s harder to open up the more readers you get. you over think the simple. thinking gets in the way of everything. if you have the ability to write without thinking then you are lucky. you should just do it then press send.
i wrote this on the back of an envelope on sunday.
it’s fucked up to feel damaged. to feel that way about oneself for no good reason at all. to feel marked. to feel poorly, though in actuality you know that you are in fact a good thing. it is also a means to disentangle oneself from unsavory situations. by claiming to be damaged goods you can veto yourself right off the market.
as i wrote that i was annoyed by how if i just wanted to plunk that down i’d have all this explaining to do. i don’t consider myself to be damaged goods but i do feel damaged sometimes. i remember being terrified by depression, feeling plagued by it. ok dark turn post time ha. yes marked. feeling like they could put you away for anything. for being difficult. pretty scary shit. hysteria. this woman is hysterical send her away. more so, in terms of finding a mate, i felt like showing sadness was a no-no. i am ashamed of my sadness still. embarrassed by it. if i cry i apologize profusely it’s the old-fashionism in me. i do not reveal this part of myself as much as is possible here. i see mental collapse as the ultimate trainwreck, more so than a drunk blog post or drug references.
i have no idea how to end this or what my initial point was to be other than justifying smoking pot and talking about it on my blog once in awhile. by the by, this post was written entirely un-high.
it’s to a point now where blogs essentially are entire persons. that’s crazy. good thing. never before this point in history did such a thing exist, entire catalogues are available to you of one’s life story. it doesn’t need to be defined because it is the definition in and of itself. people are storytellers oh look there’s a blog i’ll get on that. why stop?
there’s nothing fictional about how sensitive you are. it’s not a bad thing, it’s a beautiful thing.
that was well expressed. I’m the same, I’ve been published but the best things that end up coming out are that which are thinly disguised stories of my own life. I consider myself a writer- my career path so far, but when it comes to producing pieces of interest to others, people always are far more interested in my life. Then it becomes a challenge to entertain while still trying to keep some sort of anonymity to your work.
Lauren, you rock. I feel like the last few weeks of my own life have echoed yours, oddly enough, and seeing how you’re coping with your own life- finding yourself again is really encouraging.
xo
One of our best posts ever imho.
haha, not “our”, “your”.
Love it, love the honesty. I think it’s wonderful that you are writing, and so cool that you are working on a book deal. Book number two, before age 30? How many people can say that?
Again, this all falls under the trailblazer thing where no one has ever done anything like what you’re doing so everyone’s going to go crazy trying to fit it in a box. But the only person who gets it is you. And if your’e like me, even you don’t get it because it’s so big that you can only be looking at a piece of it at a time.
As far as the ‘issues’ issue, I am only just starting to open up about my junk to anyone but my mother. I have always worked really hard to hide my junk and I have to wonder if opening up about it to my audience would be a help. But yeah, I can relate to the terror thing. It’s hard work to make it look like you’ve go it tall together so I just withdraw.
thanks dewds
Good post. I feel like you can appreciate a short but sweet comment.
Preachy?! WTF! I resemble that remark!! Hey, Raymi, thanks for the thoughtful take out on writing. Not sure if I am anymore preachy than anyone else with an opinion. Got any opinions young lady? Kidding. What I always mean to say is this: there are no boundaries, no limitations and no restrictions on writing or any other form of creative expression. I’ve written before, and will again, that you have done something unique within the world of blogging. When you consider how many blogs there are (currently there are one quadzillion blogs…) that is an amazing and noteworthy achievement.
I shall abide your ganja edict, respectfully, and I wish you the best…
Preacher Johnny Maudlin
i think the talent lies in a combination of having a unique writing style… and knowing what details to share from her life in order to paint an entertaining picture.
There is a level of discernment beyond the quality of the writing, which is what makes this blog supremely entertaining. The product that is being pitched here is not a person… the product is a slice of a life. (which should be considered obvious, but people sometimes get obsessive, or attention hungry, to the point of blindness) Its not like you ‘KNOW’ Jack Kerouac after you read “On the Road”… you just know an element of his style. You get a feeling about the person.
Raymi’s blog is a successful entertainment endeavor… and the nay-saying and negative/preachy commenting actually provides a perfect balancing element… because the attempts at criticism and advice allow the blog to feed itself…
you know…content giving birth to more content. its a pretty staggering achievement… when you consider the genesis of the blog and its current scope.
So its natural to want to question “why?” raymi’s style works… but its also natural for her to take the high road most of the time. Why talk about the obvious and the practical… or try to do something that doesn’t come natural… when you can knock someone on their ass with quality product?
That being said: It was interesting to see you come down and wallow in the filth for a minute. You got a heart in there.. and that’s what holds the whole thing together.
Well! My last comment was written before I actually read your piece. I was commenting from the seeing-my-own-name-in-print boner energy. My former comment wasn’t nearly long or preachy enough. This one will rise to the occasion. No it won’t. Yes it will…
Writing. Reading. Like soup and sandwich, yeah? I read your piece/post in the car, and then, because I am compulsive, I ran back in the house to do this, because in the connected/not connected world there is NOTHING more important than connecting/not connecting.
Your writing is very readable. That is the ticket. The form is the form. You are clear about the form. Doesn’t matter what the form is, actually, in my humble preachy opinion. Song, poem, prose, fiction, non fiction…
Readable writing is a GIFT, mostly, and craft can add value. You have the gift. I decree it. I preach it. I opine it. The only reason I happen to like “longer” is that I am now “older”, so longer matters in everything. It’s great Raymi, I look forward to reading your writing as you write your life. Peace and out…
J (stands for Johnny) Maudlin
I am actualy surprised about how much crap you are getting about your smoking.
There are some good points here to be sure. Regarding the general idea of the comment from the Ryerson audience member, I’d have to say that I agree… the thing is that I don’t see blogging, myspace-profile making, etc. to ever be a viable livelihood. Especially considering the saturation of these types of people around the Internet nowadays, as you pointed out. Sure, if such endeavors lead to book deals, great and dandy, but as someone who has known people from the Canadian industry who have moved a decent amount of ‘units’ (books and music), the artist nowadays rarely sees any real revenue. There truly is a paradigm shift occurring where you need to have your music on CSI or your book profiled by Oprah to make any real cash as an artist of this type. This is not to discourage anyone who chooses this path, as I too believe that creating/producing is all that really matters and I suppose that taking the business part out of the equation could help to invigorate things a bit in terms of artistic integrity. What it does mean however, is that the next Radioheads and Kerouacs are gonna have to hold down a 9-5 while creating and doing their thing on the off-hours. To this end, I think it’s healthy to set goals, otherwise the modern artist ends up an unemployable middle-aged mess or a suicide: an Icarus that has been burnt by the sun.
“This is not to discourage anyone who chooses this path”
um yeah sure. projecting a little here maybe “vinyl wanted”? your neg outlook is archaic.
this is brilliant, you are brilliant.
What a moving piece
And you are anything but damaged
don’t ever forget that…
I’m teary.
ox
unhigh, your thoughts are clear and make total sense
they best way to be!
keep up the great work!
oh ma!
Maudlin – adjective 1. tearfully or weakly emotional; foolishly sentimental: a maudlin story of a little orphan and her lost dog.
2. foolishly or mawkishly sentimental because of drunkenness.
I’m fairly new to your blog… I’ve only read it a couple of times… and usually from the perspective of – “what the fuck is going on here?”.
However… this post, and especially the expression – “dickin’ the dog” has hooked me… while I’ve always heard it as “screwing the pooch”… I like your’s much better!
And the fact that you quoted nietzsche = I’m now forever yours!!
as someone who’s both burned money and burned weed, i find burning weed completely preferable, so there’s that.
but how come you’re so up in arms? between the lines, these people and your mom just care about you. people are conditioned to think that weed = drugs and drugs = bad, but they mean well.
it can be smoked in a self-destructive way, some people follow the stereotype of like, well i’m stoned NOW so i’m gonna lay around and talk about weed as my life wastes. and that’s a red flag. weed makes me DO shit like clean the kitchen or shovel and it’s fun, i’m that type that thinks of it as an enhancer. if it’s clarified that it balances with everything else you do, or even inspires, then yeah, you’re golden and people can be as anti-drug brainwashed as they want.
thanks for that post… i’m “lunacy” pmsing as we speak…. not to make this bout me ugh.
i second r/r on his comments… (sorry i’m too sad to read the others above mine) SMOKE WEED woman!! people are just as backward in thinking about weed as they were with womens rights in the 1800s, or when they thought it was cool to give pregnant women cocaine in the early 1900s, prohibition in the 30s blah blah blah… basically get over it already folks.
sadly (ha ‘sadly’ sad sad) I can’t smoke pot… but oh how i admire what an amazing plant it is. raises consciousness too. yes…
so basically everyone else fuck off and do some research already.
ps it’s okay to smoke when you’re pregnant. it’s true, i’ve heard lots of american docs (4)confirm, and witnessed 3 kids with perfect noggins.
so yah hahahaha post that.
Henrik: noun=pedantic arsewipe, unnecessary bile shots…
Pro weed comments ok=no fair, maaaannnnnnn!