i am not a hip hop guy

but i can pretend.

turns out i knew the act from one of their songs on a vice compilation years back. fil did merch while i did the door, i spent a lot of time reading my ronnie book. upstairs a daft punk tribute event was goin’ on so i got to talk to a lot of e-tards and direct them to the atm ’round the bar. more than once a crew of geniuses paid to get into DO/sweatshop stayed for awhile until realising that music was not what they came to dance like fuckin’ monkeys to. one posse’s drugs kicked in while they were talking to me, that wasn’t at all irritating and the classiest chick of the bunch gave me some ‘tude so i made them go upstairs and come back down with a stamp proving they were meaning to go up there before i would give their money back. i only needed one of them to do it, but they all (five) did, save for one that they left behind then the door guy from upstairs comes down and is like who are these retards i asked are they giving you attitude too? yes big time. ugh. so they come back down with stamps and slurrily jaw-grindingly demand their money back cos look WE HAVE STAMPS. yeah i know losers that was my idea and only one of you needed to do that. the concept of paying upstairs for a separate event so i can cover my ass before refunding you was beyond them which is why the one meth face tried to cop a ‘tude with me so i just stonewalled her. once they all had stamps i took pleasure in marking up their hands with green sharpie, x-ing out my initials (at first i was working with a cheetah stamp but the ink got too watery) later on in the bathroom one of the girls was breaking up with some guy on her phone totally high out of her tits it was pretty sad. obvs the guy on the other end wasn’t exactly an einsten himself.

everyone in DO/sweatshop were really nice to us and v appreciative of us sticking around longer than were initially estimated to (hip hop shows notoriously go late). one guy was like you’re hating on us now eh (at about 1.30 or so) i said no actually i’m a fan i didn’t realise i was until you played the US song. smooth. i could tell this one groupie fan chick was jealous of that line.

anyway it was fun, i think i discovered a new way to tolerate shows – getting paid. thanks gill <3.