post dissing

went for a tan yesterday i am WAY darker now than caspy up there.

ok from now on i am putting joke notes when i save these things. so far this is the most clueless i’ve been about certain postcards, like, what was the funny i had in store i must have clicked the wrong card to save? ugh. don’t get me wrong, most are blatantly obvious, but there’s a few that are quite the mystery. anyway here we go…

firstly, you and your mother are whores and secondly, BARF. why would you send this particular picture in with that statement? who are you the osbournes? don’t you have any friends to discuss your sexual exploits with? lastly, are we to think you are a 4 year old ballerina? seriously, dumb.

BAAHAHAHahhahaHAhAhahAHA!HAHAHAHA aw man solid gold i don’t know where to begin and i’m happy that i randomly placed this one beneath the mom daughter cum guzzling postcard. i walked in on my grandma changing once and i was paralyzed in shock, i was four maybe? anyway, it certainly is a jolt to the system realizing old people have pulses too/still. i say high five her for takin’ care of business, i bet she’s not as cunty as most biddies tend to be.

you deserve terrible things to befall you, like maybe a terminal illness for you or your child you smug fucking asshole, money can’t buy healthy. also, your husband is banging the secretary and your ass is fat.

oh looky-loo it’s our superior friend from the last post who thinks they’re better than everybody cos they don’t use plastic bags (seriously i don’t know ONE person who does anymore) anyway, don’t trip on your shoelace, bust a tooth, slam your knee and blast back into the squat machine lady. no wait please do. if the only secret you have is hidden exercise superiority i feel really bad for you. this is probably the most attention you’ve ever got. which is essentially why meat heads and exercise fanatic’s lives revolve around the gym, more more more attention please! it’s just never enough and then they die. yawn.

oh great a new addiction everybody say hello to the author of the next batch of retarded and made up secrets for the next several months.

OMG can i come over i LOVE dollhouses and miniature any/everything! someone replied saying that’s why they became an architect. no, fuck that it’s dollhouses or bust. architects don’t get to play with teeny butter knives and victorian sconces all they get to do is create asymmetrical modernist beetlejuice houses.

do NOT even get me started there, guy.

yeah this was one of the postcards i’m all ?? about. initially i maybe kind of see the appeal in wanting to burn with perez but then i dunno, why would you want to be irritated by the voice of a prissy chipmunk incessantly talking about lady gaga and rihana then ignoring you while he blogs for an hour? BORING.

that was really big of you letting that leaf in and all. props. just think it could have been sucked up by the street cleaner truck or worse jammed at the bottom of a pile of schoolyard trash forEVS.

OK sister you need to STOP being that preparation-fixer girl right now, you are doing everything wrong, whatever it is, it’s wrong, clearly. take a dude break, work on yourself, stop smothering guys when you date them and letting them near carefree chicks. BE one of those carefree chicks. maybe you are giving off desperation vapors or something, or maybe i have you wrong completely and you actually are the carefree last hurrah bang these guys have before taking the plunge. find a happy medium and be that girl instead. 1. don’t fix and 2. don’t be aloof, show you care and don’t be a doormat.

but i mail in smug postcards so my loser friends can feel even worse about themselves. guess what brah, happiness never lasts, especially when you’re flighty, which evidently you are. whatever glee crutch (i bet it’s a chick) is currently “working” for you right now, it will inevitably ditch (dump) you so see you in a few months “hardly ever”.

can you be friends with that girl who told her mom she swallows? can’t you talk to your dad about other things that remind him about your mother like, say, your mother? and how long can you talk about your period for even, five hours? next time please be less in my face like a panty liner commercial, write in wispy cursive penmanship and no fake blood splatter you shock jock.

thank you prozac nation these pill tongue images NEVER get old. zzz mental illness, pills, so hardcore and honest yeah yeah listen up people i take PILLS lets TALK about it yeah that’s right i’m medicated what’s it to ya BLAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP if it’s not working, make it work, do you want to feel better or do you want to be a myspace profile picture cliché?

a blog is a blog. a livejournal is a journal. get over it babypants.

i added this one only because of the response on the site (which was cut off somehow):

“I write emails in response to postcards in hopes I can feel less alone, but my comments are never below the postcard and I feel more alone than before, because I know someone who feels the way I do is out there, I j”

I RELY ON THIS BLOG FOR MY HAPPINESS AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS WHEN I AM IGNORED BUT NOW FRANK HAS FINALLY VALIDATED ME AND MADE ME LOOK STUPID I STILL FEEL ALONE THOUGH, I HAVE TOTES NO IDEA WHY MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE OR MAKE ANY EFFORT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS? NO WAY COULDN’T BE THAT.

so that friendship ended the exact second this photo was taken? wow you really are a shitty people person. how many photos of you with ex-friends have you got laying around? can you tell a relationship is going to end from the start so then you inadvertently do something to fuck it up anyway? or maybe you just don’t like pictures cos you look like shrek? so many unanswered questions this postcard is a painful memory of!

ok you wrote this wrong sorry, i get what you meant but you are calling yourself a racist for not getting a tip. however yes, that is extremely shitty to not tip and also be a demanding/demeaning customer, we all know someone who is this person and it is super embarrassing to have to sit through, it’s pretty much almost a deal breaker. i do not tolerate abuse/rudeness to waitstaff, even overhearing it from another table it makes my flesh crawl then i spend the majority of my meal focusing on some asshole trying to stare a hole through their fucking head. you learn a lot about a person based on how they treat waitstaff and how much they do or don’t tip. oh my god i am getting so steamed just thinking about this right now. anyway back to the racism thing, give some the benefit of the doubt maybe they actually are just pieces of shit cheapskates BUT if it happens to you a LOT and often then i’m with you, lets get ‘em. learn how to size them up before the bill comes so you can spit in their food. i’m sorry but if you don’t tip, then DON’T EAT OUT AT RESTAURANTS get yourself a frozen pizza you giant asshole. that person is providing a service for you so show your gratitude and pay accordingly scrooge and another thing, cheapness is not inherited from your folks, it’s a personal CHOICE! my mom was (i think she’s better now) the cheapest tipper ever yet i over-tip (though according to fil i don’t cos he OVER over-tips).

i’m so pissed off right now where is he i’ll fucking do it!

yeah this so was an accidental saving. um, i gave fil a beej on a pile of leaves/under some leaves (tree) once? yeah i guess i loved him enough to do that ha ha aha .

oh SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP! how do you wipe your ass? you’re going to die like that poltergeist girl if you’re not careful, she stopped crapping and then she died. (yes i know she had a weird bowel disease thing but anyway it’s called making jokes you should try it on sometime chode bomber).

brosz7 you sent this one in right?

and keira you sent in this one i know it. k jokes. this is actually v cute and funny i like it B b b but, some dogs do not belong in apartments, it’s just my O(pinion) ok don’t lose it like if you have one of those big horse dogs, let him stretch his legs jesus and tell him to shut up please i am trying to write on my blog about sweating and garbage, thank you.

can you try not to constantly re-describe this story with the words “abusers” and “little” and “body” in the same sentence, you’re giving away too much power to those pedophiles and not to be a counselor or anything but like, you’re the one studying for your masters to be one so wouldn’t you know all this shit anyway, harboring, repressing, blocking etc.? yes, get it sorted and don’t shift the hurt/blame to your counselor now and be a defeatist. yes it sucks to be told you’re not ready for something yet but i doubt it sucks more than being molested.

aww i want you to have one too place an ad! start hanging around jazz bars, act like you are john cusack in midnight in the garden of good and evil. trust me.

WHAT? is is waiting painful is what THIS POSTCARD IS FUCKING PAINFUL that’s what’s painful! make more sense next week thank you.

you have fat arms.

stop bagging losers and having expectations of them dammit! you look like you are 13 years old, you are too young for this shit and you know girls mature two years before boys so you are banging 11 year olds basically. of course they leave they’re going home for dinner! or to play jacks and read comic books. the only way to get a boyfriend to stay is to actually have a relationship with him and make him wait and wait and wait and SUFFER because suffering equals love everybody knows that.

oh puh-lease. did you bang satan? or a priest? do you want my help or not? he lost your faith oh no why did you give him that how can someone lose YOUR faith. that’s like saying fil lost MY innocence. not possible. ok fine i’ll shut up sorry your hymen is busted and someone else lost your faith ok sorry sorry! (this should be evidence enough that kids should not be having sex until their brains properly develop or they pass english class).

PAYCE!