sooooooooooooo

i watched sex and the city finally, purely for scientific reasons of course, and i thought, well, ugh, first of all it was extremely straight-forward to someone who has never ever watched any of the episodes before (but i am NOT entirely unaware of the plot or characters of this show from years of listening to you birds beat off about it all)(when i lived in brooklyn one day on my way to buy booze for the vice parties i tended i passed by a taping of SATC, i saw kim cattrall, talking on her cell phone, wow explosion!) anyway, hate to break it to you but uh, these characters aren’t funny and i think you need to put down the kool-aid. you guys are all drunks for this shit and i am the voice of sober reason (ha for once) and you are lapping it all up. also, realistically speaking? a writer in new york with that wardrobe? come on. i know people harp on that one a lot too but still it doesn’t make it any less annoying when it’s played out before you fifty fucking million costume changes in a row. when the cast was on oprah SJP went on about this one dress that was used in a scene then was whisked off to the jungles of africa for a photo-shoot but they had to re-shoot the scene so they sent an intern TO THE JUNGLES OF AFRICA to get it, she waited for the shoot to be over, got the dress had a cocktail then caught a flight back in time for the SATC scene.

um.

pretty much exact words.

someone’s caught up in their character a little too much and “cocktail” IN THE JUNGLE? really? was it necessary to repeat that one? how embarrassingly pretentious. i could see on oprah’s face she was like, uh really you went there?

when you’re out of your mind rich you’re not supposed to fawn over unrelatable stories and laugh at the punchline (was there even one?) before it comes out of your stupid mouth.

ok back to the movie, how simple and one-dimensional are these characters do you even see it, I FEEL LIKE I’M ON CRAZY PILLS (am) like dude YOU CAN’T GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR WHEN YOU SEE HER IN THAT DRESS WHAT WHY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT the rest of the movie’s drama revolves around that simple-minded event? how dumb do you expect the viewer to be?

oh and the nice one who shits herself in mexico that wouldn’t have happened so quickly, it would have taken at least 24 hours for the water to take effect on your bowels and THEN you’d have the shits for 3 weeks not just one teeny cute pants-filling moment.

and the slutty cougar one wasn’t even that slutty and why was she always in new york at the drop of a hat i call bullshit AND WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS EATING LUNCH? why can’t they be eating hangover greasy spoon at lunchtime instead like normal fucking people?

i cannot stand that redhead at all AT ALL, worst haircut ever, unacceptable and the secret she kept are you kidding me, i think i’d be angrier for more than three days over that one (good scene with the balloons though) ugh ok look at me this post is exactly like everyone else’s when the movie hit theatres. despite all the blatant horseshit i did enjoy the 2 hour and 25 minute mental holiday, afterward sass and i watched breakfast at tiffany’s (totally hysterical) so it was a good eve.

oh yeah another thing, no special features on the regular SATC dvd so you suckers would all go out and buy that stupid wedding collection box set whatever. total suckers.