who is ronnie hawkins?

LOOK OUT A WHITE PERSON IS SWAYING!

alicia was cast as the token whitey in a hip hop music video and they told her no arms above shoulders, that’s white girl moves, not allowed. these shots are for you, kid.

i’m sure matt will love this one he’s doing serious guy posing with babe face. look how much of a tranny i am in heels.

so last nite i got 3475943 pieces of cut-eye from yuppie white lady celeb groupies it was great. we went to this film fest party on the parking garage roof in yorkville, free booze and food that’s all that mattered. the drunker the women got the bitchier their facial expressions. waiting in line for the port-o-potties there’s 4 line-ups for the women only stalls, meaning no dudes, it doesn’t mean women can’t use the other four johns that no one is lining up at so i of course take the initiative and a cool chill wall of tsks and clucks are at my back as i walk to the “dude” toilets, leslie came over behind me immediately and said oh i can’t let you stand there alone those women are giving you the foulest looks right now. i said i know i’m so nervous you take the next toilet that opens do me a solid here please, then two open at once so i take one cos doofus guy is all after you to me yeah thanks guy can you not detect the pile of tension we are surrounded in right now? it wasn’t even worth it cos there was piss everywhere and i couldn’t even see and there wasn’t a mirror and of course when i got out of there a huge line of women waiting. what are you mad about? the fact that i thought of it first? really, you are mad at yourselves for being stupid and wasting your own time.

when we arrived there was this red carpet you had to walk and the hired photog nabbed the group of us for a picture and i am giving blazin’ hot stink-eye to these two women who are eyeing my stupid socks (GET OVER IT) and looking away, eyeing up down, look away chat whisper so i held my gaze on them until they got to my face and shook my head with my eyes like slits and then our picture was taken, for the next one i overdid open mouth happy face pose.

the only reason i wore what i wore is cos fuck, i’m going to be myself, i’m not going to don the same get-up as you boring rich clown nobodies just cos it’s film fest. newsflash, you all look the same and have the same useless boring conversations, you’re bitter and i’m just trying to get along.

sorry PMS over here.

this lady made me feel tons better about my tickle trunk outfit:

at one point leslie and i were making our way to the stage cos ronnie was ripped on scotch and talking really pervy about all the hot women and we wanted in on that but on our way there of course one drunk woman was like OH YEAH OH YEAH STAND HERE IN MY WAY like making it impossible for us to get by, she was like the chasm by which the entire traffic and flow of people had to pass duh so i say in my sweetest voice WE ARE TRYING TO GET BY YOU and she goes ‘oh’ in a tiny oops voice then goes back to dancing and swaying and clapping and witching about. hostile audiences are so cliche, like really first concert in 5 years? why not take a relax pill. so anyway we are at the front and ronnie didn’t say one fuckin’ pervy thing to us, everyone around us though, and only chicks 50 and up, didn’t want to disrupt the flock i guess. lesson learned. those birds buy his records.

now i will say some positive things about last nite, we had fun, we love our friends and they love us, it rained but that was alright cos between us we had two umbrellas and it didn’t pour just sprinkled, the bartender we favoured was drunk and queer (his words) and had the best one-liners and made our drinks ridiculously strong which is why i’m partying with a chill pill right now and some pepto on the couch, perfect way to greet the red tide. ugh.