speaking of watermelons

one time on oprah she was going on and on about these special mini watermelons that were shaped like basketballs, circular, not oblong like typical watermelons are, anyway, she would not shut up about them how they were the latest thing and she asked for them to be created or something (some food scientists bred them just for her!) and then at the end of her spiel she flips into AND YOU’RE ALL GETTING A WATERMELON overdrive excitement normally reserved for when giving away cell phones and cars, seriously, a watermelon? thanks oprah, thanks a lot, this totally makes flying to chicago, booking a hotel, buying a new outfit and getting my hair did very worth it. you could see on everyone’s faces how underwhelmed they were about it and all these asshole staff come out with watermelons under their arms and people are looking under the seats and holding up watermelons and oprah is jumping around on stage fists in the air tom cruising all over the set going YES YES YES MINI WATERMELONS. most unintentionally hilarious thing ever. or maybe not, maybe oprah’s actually a comedian.

ps. watermelon did shit all for my hangover thanks matt.

Ryan: did you ever hear that tom petty song girl on lsd
that’s what it reminds me of i like it
i’ll send it to you in a minute i gotta restart

me: nice