if you wanna kiss the sky better learn how to kneel
sooooooooooooooooooooo i went down to do some laundry (‘citin’ i know!) and ALL of the washers were full of whites, some whites with pink patterned regalia all over, anyway two of the washers were done so i thought hot damn FINALLY some laundry revenge, i choose a machine and start pulling things out oh great i chose the whites with the undies in them machine, i pile it on top of the machine just as my laundry nemesis comes in with her cart, i play it casual oh are these yours? she snaps YES and i bite my tongue big time but i really wanted to say AND WHY DO YOU NEED FOUR SUPER SIZED WASHING MACHINES YOU ENVIRONMENTAL SADIST! and then i wanted to gesture wildly at my overstuffed laundry basket of every single colour invented clothing INCLUDING whites (separating is for obnoxious assholes) yes i wanted to gesture with both arms and make a no blinking crazy facial expression and maybe huff a little bit but instead i just stuffed it all into one machine and then the super’s wife comes in and chats up nemesis (who i think is czech or something like that, we’ve been over this before, i think too much time has passed for me to ask what nationality she is) and then super’s wife asks her IS SHE WITH YOU yes because i am a laundry assistant now i wanted to say FUCK NO I HATE HER! but nemesis just laughs oh no i have no daughter then super’s wife squints at me and says oh uh what apartment are you in and at this point i’m starting to get mad, i nicely say our unit then say you know WE HAVE A CAT! then it clicks and she says my hair is longer or something as i’m struggling to fit all my laundry into the machine and i’m making little sounds trying to politely emphasize my hardship and struggling yet overcoming it all because i care about the environment. seriously, there is a rule that you can’t use more than 2 machines at a time, but all the people in this building are greedy selfish stupid babies (old) they’re typical annex types i’m too annoyed right now to describe them again for the millionth time.
oh yeah i learned that the super has a smoking problem and he tried to quit but woke up this morning basically nic-fitting and then the eastern european washing machine hog said it was harder than alcohol to which i chortled and left and worked the FUCK OUT!
then i went back to put the shit in the dryer and she had ALL FOUR MACHINES. seriously asshole i’m going to have to fight you one of these days. you know that clothing and whatever it is WILL NOT RUN IN A DRYER IT WILL NOT BLEED OR MIX DO YOU HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY??? she had some linen draped on the door of one dryer she was emptying i’m just standing there with my soppy stuff going to my happy place in my head waiting patiently for her to move all of it meanwhile i’m gobbing sweat from my head and neck and back and face is flushed from working out and the last thing i want to do is be near hot laundry and all i could say was the word hot (genius i know, reduced to cavewoman speak) as i stuffed all my stuff into the dryer.
i heard a stereotype about a certain race that when in america they sue like crazy cos they think that’s the american way to be to constantly sue for your rights or whatever i mean all the freedoms and liberties we have we take for granted or are kinda blase about, in other cultures or countries they’re not so accessible so when they come here they go bananas and sue up a storm, is it the same for laundry machines too? or is it old people who didn’t grow up hearing about conservation or the three R’s reduce reuse recycle? either way it’s really fucking annoying and once they’re dead the planet will be better cared for.
JOKES GUYS I WISH WE COULD ALL JUST LIVE FOREVER!
-raymi suzuki
