whenever i eat ham or soup i pretend i am a delicate old man and eat tiny little bites very slowly, sometimes i pretend i am in an orphanage or i am homeless, i started doing this when i was a little kid from seeing an episode of the simpsons when mr. burns is cutting himself tiny slices of ham and he goes i’m full and there is a long table of food, platter after platter of expensive and delicious things to eat and all he can manage is the tiniest bite of ham.

anyway i have extended this act to soups too. right now i am eating carrot and butter bean soup like it is the end of the world and there is a grey blanket over my shoulders and i am friends with the people on the ship from the matrix, i try to stretch it out as long as possible eating a tiny bowl of soup because once it is finished i will perish or shrivel up and die or turn into an old wrinkly witch why did i share this?

i told this to fil once when we were eating ham, i can’t remember how he reacted, maybe he will say so in my comments.

oh and if anyone was ever wondering what one of fil’s lectures look like, here:

the moral of this post is it’s easy to find a boyfriend who likes to lecture you.