karaoke pierre is on my facebook now creating masterpieces such as this.

they are testing the fire alarm right now and it is destroying my already destroyed from last nite brain. here is some holiday party drink tickets advice, seems like an awesome idea to use all of them, but it isn’t, but you are going to do it anyway, try not to?

i danced on (with?) a stripper pole at the NOW magazine party and i fell and scraped my shin and knee and made it look like i meant to do it and knelt down to talk to wendi, i hope whatever photo guy they hired for the nite annihiliates every single picture he took of me. someone stole my beer when i was up there, so i stole someone else’s merry christmas.

fil ruined oysters for me too, i could’ve gone my entire life happily unawares of those buggers being alive when you eat them. THANKS FIL!

we just had a shower together and fought the entire time because he was criticising my techniques like fuck off then ok pal! i was narrating everything i was doing as i was doing it “…and then while the conditioner is on my hair i take my fingers and swipe off all my mascara… and then i put soap on my hand and put my hand in my ass crack… and then i don’t wash my feet anymore, i’m over it…” you should try having a hangover shower party it’s like, not at all fun.

before that a fire alarm dude came in and i was all delerious and the room was moving and he noticed we don’t have a battery in our smoke detector i said yeah we have it somewhere and he said i had to show it to him and i knew we threw it out because it became warped from hanging out in the bathroom (steam) too long so i walked around pretending to find this battery we don’t have and i said oh i guess we must’ve lost it he said he would have to write us up i go what does that mean a ticket? like the police (didn’t say that but implied it by saying ticket) and he laughed at me and i closed the door feeling like the biggest tool ever like the time i asked the paramedics if they ever shot anyone before and they’re like uh we save lives, oh right, then why do you wear SWAT team suits?

true story.

oh yeah remind me to go on a rant about jian ghomeshi later, dude like, hates me, sorry zero sense of humour!

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this is from my hag fag henry

Happy Holidays

Merry Xmas from ME and my FIL