so we slept in the scary house in our tent and all the windows of the house were open and it was kinda chilly so i slept in my socks pants cardigan hoodie spring jacket toque then at five in the morning i got up cos i had to pee but was also so totally dehydrated and we neglected to bring water from the other cottage, fil woke up at the same time to take a whiz and when he came back to the tent i said in my most desperate voice fil please crack open that (warm) tallboy for me i am sooo thirsty so he does and it was like drinking sand, i was so pissed off i didn’t have the energy to get up and squat so i just took off my jacket and toque and passed out again and woke up a few hours later with the fullest most in pain bladder ever i swear it was an hour long squat then i went over to the cottage and drank a huge glass of water poured another then had some bailey’s and coffee then the room started spinning so i walked back to the scary house fil was awake blah blah do you really want to know the rest? oh remind me to tell you about folding napkins fight!

oh wait here is something funny sort of but now i feel kind of mean anyway we were on the boat everyone was loaded and chris was like where are you sleeping i say in a tent and he says a tent in the house that isn’t camping (there was no previous boasting that we were camping) in this i am right you are wrong tone of voice (don’t use that tone of voice when i am on my period btw) so in feeling upstaged i said DO YOU FORGET WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO in my scary voice and he kind of fake-cowers and says yes and something else kind of lipping back and i snap WELL WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS BURST OF CONFIDENCE COMING FROM THEN!? it received a nice laugh.

i only feel mean cos after that i felt i was on a roll or something and i guess i was the only one who knew i was joking for the rest of the nite it’s ok everyone else was schizo drunk too. hopefully. well shari was she kept insisting she only had two beers pffft wait til i put up those photos. we had hamburgers at midnite and i was like fil you are WASTED eat this hamburger NOW i mean it EAT IT then i inhaled it.

then i decided i had the strength of a rhino and tried to take dave down in the sand a bunch shari tried to help me i think he feigned weakness or he really is that limp, anyway to shut me up he said i was strong, it was pitch-black and we were all just standing in the sand talking at once and shoving each other, pretty fun. oh fil kicked him in the balls cos he thought he was a tree stump then told everyone the story fifteen times and they re-enacted it too.

there’s loads of photos from the island on my flickr.

here is a nice story, we were rushing to get out of the city to go to my nana and papa’s 50th anniversary last nite and we were about to get on the gardiner expressway but these fuckbags with their shopping cart filled with harbourfront trinkets and food thought the little curve turn was their secret magical safety street crossing corner and the traffic lights are just decorative, so we are behind two cars that can’t go because of these yuppie dinks so fil hammers the horn blant blant blaaaaaant and i have my finger on the window button cos i KNOW there are going to be words and this is raymi’s time to shine so the two cars ahead of us gun it finally when i swear, ten of these dicks finish crossing, and one of them looks at us and puts his arms in the air like alfred e newman “what me worry” shrug which puts me zero to rage, of course (there is nothing more infuriating than someone who thinks they are right and have the audacity to make a dig at you when they are WRONG) so i zip down the rest of my window, stick my head out (i look like a total babe at the time i might add) and scream yell at the skinny twerp (everyone who just crossed are all standing there waiting around too) NOT YOUR TURN IDIOT! then fil zoomed us away, i know that guy probably killed himself after my most wicked delivery and timing, i wish i had time enough to say shove your puny little stick arms up your ass! i’m trying to remember if i said you idiot or y’idiot, i think it was y’idiot but when i said idiot i put tons of emphasis on the IDIOT like it was the F word man i am so awesome.

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