now, because i have a life and you don’t, here are my groceries.

wasn’t planning on going to whole foods so i forgot the cloth bag oh well these are great for recycling day punch me.

sorry cute as hell nice checked pattern! these are for fil, fil’s fillets. nice one dad. i will try them too.

it’s like they are at a picnic hey can i come wow i wish i had some friends.

WHAT!? cooking instructions! good thing i took a picture i just realised now that they have to be cooked i was going to just open ‘em and put them in my mouth phew. i got them confused with smoked/dried ready to go fillets. i only wanted to show you guys the price.

fattening too, great, thee ONE time i don’t look at the sticker on the back.

this guy.

i don’t have any cheese jokes sorry.

whoops, apologies there yanks, that’s the francaise side (francais is french for french).

juuuuuuuuuust kidding i know you guys can’t read anyway for those who can, this is dyke milk, no that cow isn’t gay, howevs. the ones who drink this shit are! OH SNAP.

$4.99 and they were the cheapest! i know! the hen must be a celebrity or something.

oh great! i looked in the package before taking it down but yeah looked at ‘em from the wrong angle i am a failure at being an adult my kids can drink pepsi for breakfast whatever. are you thinking of that scene in ghostbusters when sigourney weaver’s eggs start pulsing and cracking open haha zhoooul the scary monster in her fridge nice name if by this point you can’t tell that i am bipolar you are dumb.

whoever guesses my bill total wins nothing.

mystery box.

my “compost” as butchie calls it, “that’s not dinner that’s compost!” sorry i want to, you know, live longer and not be a fucking house, shrug.

dinner for fil.

fridge we never clean.

butchie (mentioned twice in the same post out of nowhere look at you dude!) also requested an up-close of the shower curtain (which i did when i originally bought it but yeah, who wants to go back through pages and pages of shit to find it, not me, or you.

when i shower i look at the women’s stuff and compare my body size to it and try to gauge whether or not any of that tacky shit would fit me.

bathingsuit i have gotten zero miles out of this season, except for when we moved the woodpile at alex’s cottage and then i changed into my bikini and that other time at janet’s pool. do you know how annyoing it is to have your hand on your hip constantly?

i am happy to report that our neighbours who we hate cos the guy plays his shitty acoustic guitar music whenever he pleases at all hours, AND they want the entire condo building to stop using fabric sheets cos their unit is above the laundry room (we still use them anyway and even the super’s wife too i caught her) their a/c doesn’t seem to be working so they have a croc (not surprised) wedging the door open to mooch the hallway a/c – their suffering pleases me in this time of insane toronto heat happy friday fuckbags!

oh and i got blogspotted at starbuck’s too and my teeth weren’t even brushed, hair fucked, wearing sunglasses over last nite’s party mascara eyes hi vanessa! she’s like what are you going to do today i’m like uhhh (in my head nothing, what else?) out loud oh i guess i will go to whole foods and then i guess i will blog about it. i was also wearing my wear it all the fucking time outfit. wicked. she said i make her laugh.

+++

ha yeah right like i call people.

last nite was wendi’s party guess who got slammered?

there’s another yeah right, stephen NOT wanting to be in a picture that will then be on my blog, his reason for living? we got wendi that book (remind me to tell you the story about purchasing it from the most WHIMSICAL store in the annex).

I SAID MERGE YOU FUCKING DICK!

i just have that affect on women (where they let me put my dirty hands all over them). i think them hittin’ the sauce helps a little, too.

i actually drunk-argued with that kid he was pissing me off he kept saying he hated me and loved fil yeah well YOU WERE A MISTAKE!

for more pictures of that little shitkid (who was pretty awesome i admit though, you guys know how i roll) go to fil‘s blog.

oh yeah one guy at this party had a leather jacket on (34 degree heat) and sunglasses and it was at night, and when he first showed up he stood alone by the tree in the yard in his sunglasses and leather jacket and if i had been as ripped as i was by the end of the night when he first moved in on the scene i would have said are you for real? and then everyone would be awkward except i wouldn’t even notice until we left the party when fil lectured me all the way home about it.

i kept looking up at him from the camping chair i was sitting in and i knew he was thinking he was better than me and i kept trying to see through his lenses but i couldn’t so congratulations sunglasses at night guy, your magic worked, you are shrouded in mystery and lore.