i am seriously freaking out in this picture.

sigh i am a fucking loser, look how close i got to douglas coupland, a huge inspiration of mine, to write and embrace the fucking lunatic that i am, and did i say hi and get him to sign my book, after nine years of being a fan of his?

NO I DIDN’T!

i have never been so nervous to meet someone before fil said, and it was true, i almost passed out, shit my pants, peed my pants, fainted, blacked out, anxiety attack, nervous breakdown now i understand what you guys are harshin’ through when you meet me.

the former gov. general of canada and ten handfuls of pretentious art groupie yuppies were there. BARF.

fil psyched me out of asking coupland to sign my copy of microserfs, saying it should be about the art. FUCK the art, i’m there for the art because of the books.

we made eye-contact a few times and i would quickly look away or duck behind some gasbag.

thanks for the free drinks though, lifesaver.

fuck there he is again! everyone was hogging his facetime i wasn’t anywhere close to loaded to plough through the douches and claim my moment. i even pre-wrote my url down on a cute piece of stationary for him and wrote something too embarrassing to share here if you need me i will me punching myself in an alley.

i will probably regret this for the rest of my life, don’t worry. we almost didn’t even go, i took my sweet-ass time getting ready and kept saying ok we aren’t going we aren’t going and fil said we are totally for sure going if you are scared we are going EVEN MORE and i said ok i am NOT SCARED then he said ok then lets go! burn on me.

i have pussied out of going to every single book-reading he does here and i say that it is because i am the ultimate fan and i do not pay to meet people no it’s really because i am well yes selfish but mostly, a useless pussy there you go i will understand if you stop reading my blog it’s ok, it was good while it lasted.

way to build it up so much genius next time it will be ten times worse!

SIGH.

the installation is here if you want to see it.

here is my art, i call it, dinner.