me: hi merkley
merkley???: hi there
me: stop the world
merkley is speaking to me
merkley???: very funny
its not my fault your rss doesnt work
me: what does that have to do with instant messaging
merkley???: they are connected
me: i barely look at your blog even though i wrote a report that i do and i still try and keep our relationship going
http://raymitheminx.blogspot.com/atom.xml
hmm it is a little fucked
i will go find a nerd to fix it
merkley???: ha i do my part
i texted you the other day and you didnt text back
me: cos i was punishing you
merkley???: ah
me: oh i just got badly electrocuted by my missing s key so there
merkley???: yeah but the thing is that i never ignore you on purpose
if you IM and i dont back its because i’m not here
me: there have been times i have drunk texted you extremely important jokes and you don’t write back
merkley???: whereas you sign on and sign off like a spaz
thats not true
i always text back
me: i sign off cos i get overwhelmed and i have a routine and blocking people is too mean so signing off is what i do then i come back on like a whole new day
merkley???: ha ha
does everybody try to talk to you at once?
me: also i sit talking with you until i feel like we are finished
yes sometimes
me: when i sign off without saying bye the bye is implied by me signing off
me: when there is a long period of us not talking on IM i take that as the conversation is closed there is no point to be like SEE YOU a half hour later what are we cousins?
i will try harder in the future to not be a gchat prick
merkley???: i’m not attacking your abrupt IM departures
i’m defending my honor
me: i am defending my lack of rss
merkley???: i wish you would fix it
me: yes but that doesnt mean u cant talk to me on gchat
merkley???: i never actually GO to blogs anymore
just rss
me: theres people on my list who have blogs i never look at and it doesnt stop me from calling them fags on IM
merkley???: and i am constantly busy being famous
me: famous growing pubes out of your face
merkley???: tons
me: why dont we have a variety show where we discuss rss feeds for a whole hour?
merkley???: you are NOT the father
thats all i say to people anymore
if they suck i say they aren’t the father
me: i have been saying oh man a lot i dont know when i started
i am in grade 4
merkley???: and if they are cool i say: you ARE the father
try it at the bar tonight
you have to be really drunk
me: we dont talk to strangers at the bar
merkley???: duh
friends
me: well only fridays and saturdays
we only have two friends
we have more but barely see them
merkley???: all my friends moved away
me: i am too busy spying on people’s conversations for my blog
merkley???: i drove them off
me: how did you manage that
merkley???: by being unavailable emotionally
and then following that up with loud bouts of neediness
mixed with resentful texting
and insecurity disguised as arrogance
me: way to go
merkley???: it’s a winning recipe
me: you need a girlfriend and you need to hang out with people who dont make you feel superior all the time
merkley???: ha ha
i need my life to be like my dreams
because they are great
me: we are not having a dreams conversation merkley
me: i like how our convos are always reduced to talking about not having friends
merkley???: well
worse yet is that its a competition to see who has less
