today i will be visitting a psyche ward, they’re trying to form my cousin, she is having a nervous breakdown, she’s manic, delusional, paranoid etc. sigh. i will try to convince her of this and also that no her university is not conspiring against her. luckily i have a wealth of personal psychotic experience so i know the right things to say but still i don’t want to set her off.

psyche wards make me anxious and over-protective (though i don’t think there is such a thing as “over-protection” when it comes to a family member in a psyche ward) of the person i am visitting cos you know they’re in a delicate vulnerable state and easy prey to be manipulated by the other patients. rule 1. do not give your phone number or address to other psyche ward patients.

i tend to hyper-focus on my outfit too, i don’t want to be too patterny or “stylish” cos yer always one print away from being perceived as a lunatic. the nurses always scrutinize you and you can tell they are wondering if you are a guilty-party responsible for this person’s unhealthy state of mind and it brings me back to when i was formed and how much rage and contempt i had for every nurse and doctor and i go back to the time where i half-strangled a nurse, amazing the things you get away with in the cuckoo ward.

it is also family dinner sunday at fil’s mom’s so i want to play dress-up and wear my new white polka-dotted tights wow what an asshole i am see how i just made everything about me?