to clear up any and all confusion, here is someone you ARE ALLOWED to make fun of but not to their face. in your head you quietly itemize all the things that are wrong with them and then say them to your boyfriend then write it all down on your blog.

ok.

this guy, green room patio, sunday, and this is what he was wearing:

-hawaiian style shirt except instead of flowers there were 1×1 inch square pin-up nudes, sounds fun and funny but so isn’t

-tevas

-tapered black jeany/dressy pinstripe pants

-napoleon dynamite glasses but NOT for irony

alright and here are all the things that he did wrong:

-crossed and re-crossed his legs at the knee infinity times with them sticknig out in the aisle where the waitress had to wait for him to move his legs everytime she went by

-drank red wine and smelled each glass and swilled it around like it was very expensive and not the regular red that always makes me crap my pants

-quoted seinfeld incorrectly

-leaned over a lot to his friends at the other table instead of SITTING WITH THEM

-slapped the waitress on the arm as she was walking by and said CAN YOU GET ME ANOTHER GLASS OF RED, didn’t say please

-his friends were hitting each other and rough-housing forEVER i mean slapping each other in the face and one was a GIRL and she was taking it pretty hard this was all behind fil’s back so he didn’t see how bad it actually looked

-he and his friends kept doing that guido/gangsta snapsnapsnap thing with their fingers to let the other know that what they said was very hilarious

-one skinny dude of the lot kept place-dropping “I FINALLY BOUGHT A GAMEBOY WHEN I WAS 14 IN AFRICA AND I BEAT MARIO ON THE PLANE TO THAILAND….”

-winelor disappeared leaving his final glass unattended for over twenty minutes

-bummed cigarettes from everyone around him

sigh.

i hope i see him again. i was hoping he would ask me for a smoke just so i could tell him how irritating i found him to be because YES my life is that fulfilled.