so i went to my neurologist appointment yesterday and told him that i like drinking and i like being drunk cos he wondered if i really did have a drinking problem and my mom kept talking over me when i was talking and i swore a lot. he said that he had a friend that he lived with a bipolar person and it was scary and bla bleh bleargh i was pretty much playing the role of the annoying stubborn teenager and saying i get bored during therapy and i start lying and the guy repeats metaphors to me and i let him think he hasn’t already told me.

anyway.

then we went to see my grandma and we sang you are my sunshine together well first my dad and her did and it was an explosion of sadness and my mom and i cried immediately and then i sang this song that goes a you’re adorable b you’re so beautiful c you’re my lucky charm d you’re delightful e you’re exciteful f you’re a feather in my arm and i was choking on my words the entire time and she was smiling at me fuck that was hard. she’s not aware of what’s happening pretty much so if we are all crying around her it might wig her out i dunno.

there’s nothing that kills me more than seeing/hearing my dad cry it’s gut-wrenching.

anyway my dad and i met up with fil and martin at the pub afterward and my dad and i had a nice chat and it was good. we decided that when the dust settles we’re gonna piss off to england for awhile, my dad’s never been, it’s something he needs to do and i can play bossy i know everything about england person and control everything.

i told him now is the time to be selfish with your feelings and just fuckin’ cry and a bunch of other emo shit and it was nice.