TWELVE THINGS CID:

1. air-humps my winter jacket and fil’s leather belts

2. punishes me for not feeding him promptly when he decides he is hungry by jumping onto my kitsch shelf and knocking everything over

3. attempts to kill me when i walk across the room by putting his body between my feet and/or putting one of his arms between my feet

4. purrs insanely loud to mamipulate you into feeding him, to wake you up to feed him

5. falls asleep like an old man, head slumps forward into your chest or blankets

6. has nothing but the utmost respect and love for fil and nothing but the utmost contempt for women

7. if were to magically morphe into a cat 4 times the size aimee (fil’s ex) would be disembowled immediately

8. attacks my face on a regular basis with the intent of blindification

9. hates the sound of dishes and cutlery being put away yet insists upon sitting right there beside you watching you carry out this task and scream-meows at the top of his lungs because the tinkling noises tickles his ears

10. shoves his nose into fil’s nose and nuzzles his ears and suckles them whilst kneading at fil’s neck and massaging it EVERY FUCKING DAY when fil gets home, completely ignoring me

11. when fil and i play-fight he assumes fil is in great danger and being attacked by me so he intervenes by jumping at my face with his teeth and swatting at the sides of my head with hismighty paws

12. if the condo was on fire fil would save cid and leave me to burn alive and cid would laugh maniacally at me over fil’s shoulders as fil heroically carried him out the door