i just got back from the mall. i bought some pants and some shirts and a juicer. i went to this hoochie mama store to get cheap jeans that will stretch over my thighs and ass and have diamonds on them and the best hip hop music was playing some chick saying i don’t want to be your baby mama if she just your friend why she callin’ at three in the morn’? wicked. i ate three chicken wings from manchu wok and watched people walk by with bad hair and big baseball hats and even bigger jackets. fil has been giving me lectures about drinking and not wanting to do it so much and i am all about that however he neglected to offer up an alterior pasttime so i one-upped him by going damnit i am getting us a juicer, well it was suppose to be for him for valentine’s day but i think we should start using it asap.

i wanted to get him a new pair of shoes but i was all i can’t drink shoes and how will i benefit from fil’s new shoes? not possible.

so it was going to be a surprise but i cracked and called him. my plan was to be sitting alone in the dark on the couch being moody and get in a mini-fight where we go back and forth arguing over what to do this evening and then he would go on his laptop and give me the silent treatment then i’d go to the kitchen and fire up the juicer and he’d be all WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE!? and i’d jump out holding a hanful of carrots and apples and go MUAHAhaHA IT’S A JUICER I LOVE YOU!

i have ideas.