i have to go meet fil at the bar but i just opened a beer, maybe i’ll take it as a to-go. the other nite i poured a tallboy into a pint glass and we were gonna go out and i was all hey man wouldn’t that be HALARIOUS if i just walked down the street with a pint of beer like SO FUNNY, fil didn’t really say anything. he’s getting betterer and betterer at tuning me out. if i showed up with a beer that i don’t normally order at the bar they’d be all WTF SISTER!?

a week ago at the pub i shoved my 3/4 full bottle of heineken into my jacket sleeve, thought better of it and put it in the front pocket of my baglady sweater, then i thought naah i should put it back into my jacket sleeve so it looks like i don’t have a left hand and i have to walk hunched over and my left arm is a foot longer than my right. i was doing this way out in the open also and just as i had changed my mind again and switched the bottle to my cardigan pocket this old couple walk by me and smile. they had been watching me the entire time and were laughing and shit.

good thing old people know better than to rat on you.