it’s been awhile since i have written about sexy things.

i don’t know if sex is even interesting anymore. to read about. to write about. to even think about. it’s like, yawn unless you can think of funny things to go along with it, you know?

or go deep and look at the whole thing like it’s big and interesting or something.

i guess this is how hookers feel, or ex-hookers, or nymphs.

anyway.

apparently bipolars are horny fuckheads. i guess i could use that as an excuse.

more of a cop-out i think.

drinking coffee makes me horny.

the caffeine and the sugar goes right to my clitoris it’s crazzy.

one beer does it to me as well.

panty removing beverages, pretty much.

though, not like i scream out the window EXCUSE ME PEDESTRIANS, I’M READY TO BE FUCKED NOW JUST LETTING YOU KNOW!

i kinda politely pull down my trousers and go to town on myself and if the mister is there he is like uhhhh huh huhuhuhuh (horny noises) ok let’s do this.

so the lady in the apartment next door can hear everything all the time as i’ve mentioned before and she is always there and it’s always in the back of my mind and well, it doesn’t spoil it really, it’s just this thing that i am aware of and i think well maybe i should shut my mouth up, tone it down perhaps?

but then i’m like, F her!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOW unng ungh and so on etc.

sometimes we think we can hear her, uh, doing things, but then there’ll be some weird random i-don’t-know-what noises coming from there and we pause in the hallway to try and figure them out and it’s like she is doing construction work or something in there on herself and rearranging furniture at the same time and moaning.

weird.

i wouldn’t mind living beside me and listening to all of the dumb things that i say.

it beats having to be me.

i would bump into myself once in awhile and congratulate the next-door-neighbour-me for that one knock knock joke from a week ago and then me would give me a look that meant, why are you listening in on my life but also me would be flattered in a major way.

so, don’t get any three-way ideas with this neighbour female because she is:

1. old

2. not hot

3. gross like

4. truck driver gross

5. also bragged about being racist and said she hated fags though i know it was just to make conversation but still, it wasn’t something to be impressed by at all.

6. plus she’s a pothead and i have prejudice against that because i have nothing better to do